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OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
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Author:  TheRedBaron [ Tue Dec 25, 2012 7:14 am ]
Post subject:  OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Never really had to deal with this before (which, after goin through these forums, is kind of hard to believe).

Set up a date with a cutie I met on OKC. I hadn't messaged her in a while, and when I did again, she recalled some of our cutesy roleplay and sent me a photo of her in a bra and panties. I took that as an IOI.

About a week of talking over text, then set up a date for tonight. I was even on my way there, and she said to look for a girl in red flannel. A couple minutes after that she texts me that she won't be able to make it, will let me know if she's freed up, she's "so sorry!"

Wasn't sure what to do... I was a little pissed but didn't want to come off needy, but also didn't want to make it look like she could walk all over me. So I ignored it until I got back home (about 25 minutes) and said "It happens. Hope everything is okay." Half hour later she says "Yeah takin care of a good friend. Known him since 7th grade."

I haven't responded to this and don't plan to. My plan is to freeze her out for 2 or 3 days (unless she texts me first) and resume as if nothing happened. When I plan a date again, maybe I'll playfully say something like "You can make it up to me with drinks on wednesday, your treat ;)" just to retain my value, but to me that sounds a little douchebaggy. Dunno.

How do you guys think I handled it, and what do you think about my plan going forward?
Author:  iceg001 [ Tue Dec 25, 2012 9:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
when ever you make a date like that text them that you will be running late a bit so if she wants to flake then she can but you still end up retaining your value
Author:  conquistador1982 [ Tue Dec 25, 2012 9:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Let me give you an advice...stand in front of your house and just say hi to girls going by. You will have better luck doing that...than through online dating!
Author:  Irishweaver [ Tue Dec 25, 2012 7:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Ya, that's not a bad plan, bottom line is that in online sarging, you're not going to get anything unless you drastically stand out, and you don't lose much if you fuck up, so I'd advise on always being outrageous when you can (Within certain parameters of course), otherwise you're just yet another forgettable guy that talked to her on a dating site.
Author:  GKS [ Wed Dec 26, 2012 1:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Don't take it personal. Flaking is common in online sarging, there could be millions for her to not show up and you'll never know whether if they're legit or not. It seems to me that she had the last minute buyer remorse, she set a date but at the very last minute changed her mind.

You did a good job to remained calm about the situation and acted like it didn't faze you. However, it gives her an idea that it's alright for her to cancel at the last minute and throw you off your plan, then just simply says sorry. I wouldn't let her off the hook that easy.

I would say something like "No problem. I'll find someone to keep me entertained. But it'd be nice if you show some respect for my time and let me know at least couple hours in advance." Then set up something for next time and tell her to bring something to make it up for you. In this case, I usually shoot for the moon to test out the girl compliance by saying "You can make it up for me [time], I'll be making my delicious [dish] dinner. Bring a bottle of wine and a bucket full of fun energy."
Author:  TheRedBaron [ Wed Dec 26, 2012 1:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Quote:
Don't take it personal. Flaking is common in online sarging, there could be millions for her to not show up and you'll never know whether if they're legit or not. It seems to me that she had the last minute buyer remorse, she set a date but at the very last minute changed her mind.

You did a good job to remained calm about the situation and acted like it didn't faze you. However, it gives her an idea that it's alright for her to cancel at the last minute and throw you off your plan, then just simply says sorry. I wouldn't let her off the hook that easy.

I would say something like "No problem. I'll find someone to keep me entertained. But it'd be nice if you show some respect for my time and let me know at least couple hours in advance." Then set up something for next time and tell her to bring something to make it up for you. In this case, I usually shoot for the moon to test out the girl compliance by saying "You can make it up for me [time], I'll be making my delicious [dish] dinner. Bring a bottle of wine and a bucket full of fun energy."
Sounds good. How long do you recommend waiting before texting her again, and should I go right into setting up another date or do a little banter first?
Author:  GKS [ Wed Dec 26, 2012 2:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
I usually do that right after she contacts me to cancel the plan. It's also a good way to see if she's using bullshit excuses on me. If her excuse is legit and she's interested, she will reschedule for sure. In your case, you can just stick to your freeze out plan and some fluff talk before asking her out again always better. Or better yet qualify her to make her invest more then make plans.
Author:  CharismaArtist [ Wed Dec 26, 2012 4:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
The exact scenario that you described was an option play.

I have known girls to do this, and even seen it happen to a friend. This girl meets him for a drink, talks to him for like 15 minutes, then she gets a text, and says she is supposed to meet her friends. I was at the same bar, and told my buddy lets walk to a different bar, after one more drink.

Upon leaving, as we are walking to the next venu we see her on a date in a bar as we pass by with another guy. She sent a text to my friend, that if her night" frees up", she will come back and meet him up, just before we saw her.

Point is she is stacking dates, probably too close together... and if she likes a guy, then she becomes suddenly busy.

Trash the number move on.
Author:  PUASTL89 [ Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
If it happened on Christmas, have a heart and let it go. Shit happens.

All this other beta advice is just to make excuses. Online dating can be very successful If you make a great profile that is genuinely funny, interesting, and DHV. I stack dates as well. Some girls are but have weird personalities. So if I get into that situation, I'll hit up another girl to meet up and become busy too. Don't hate the girl, hate yourself for not stepping up your game.
Author:  TheRedBaron [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 3:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
UPDATE:

So I froze her out a day or two, re-established contact, set up a date for another day. On the day of the date at the last second she tells me she's bringing a friend (I had actually already tried to set up a date with her several months ago and she said the same thing, so this wasn't new. I ended up not texting her for 6 months because i found another girl)

We go on the date, she brings 2 friends, they talk to each other the whole time, and the date goes well. We had plenty to talk about and she seemed interested. Afterwards she texts me saying she had fun and we should do it again. This was last week. (Didn't kiss close because she had to leave after only an hour as her friend had to wake up early and I didn't know this until it happened. W/e)

2 days ago I set up a date for tonight. An hour before we're supposed to meet, she flakes again.

So I text her "Lol, are you always this difficult?"

She responds "Haha nah. Well sorta."

That's it. No excuse, no attempt to schedule another date.

At this point I'm fed up with her shit. I'm willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt 1 time around, but a 2nd time without even trying to explain or make up for it is unacceptable. I might contact her in a week or more if I feel like it. Not sure.
Author:  Irishweaver [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 3:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
I'd ditch her personally, either she makes some effort or you're done with that ditz. Not only is she messing up with your anticipation, but she's wasting your valuable time. (And your time should always be more valuable than hers.)
Author:  GKS [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
She seems like a typical insecure girl who loves drama and the chase. Personally, I would moved on the minute she wanted to bring friends on a date. She seems like a waste of time to me, honestly. I'd have said "Well good luck. I don't chase or have any intention to play the silly dating games. I'll find someone else to entertain me then."

Another thing I want to add is to avoid using too many emoticon or "lol" in your text. You're calling her out and putting her in her play. Don't "lol". It just shows neediness for validation and people won't take you seriously. Same thing in real life, don't laugh as if you're afraid to hurt someone. Give them a deadspan look, put the pressure on them.
Author:  TheRedBaron [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Quote:
She seems like a typical insecure girl who loves drama and the chase. Personally, I would moved on the minute she wanted to bring friends on a date. She seems like a waste of time to me, honestly.

Another thing I want to add is to avoid using too many emoticon or "lol" in your text. You're calling her out and putting her in her play. Don't "lol". It just shows neediness for validation and people won't take you seriously. Same thing in real life, don't laugh as if you're afraid to hurt someone. Give them a deadspan look, put the pressure on them.
So if I hypothetically have any intention left of pursuing her, should i call her out on it in a serious way? Most of what I've read on handling flakes says to brush it off as if it doesn't bother you, followed by a freeze out.
Author:  GKS [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
True. You brush it off like handling the shit test when you don't know whether her excuse is legit or not. Then it's best to not let it bother you. But in this case, she flat out said you need to chase. Then you either can decide if you want to play her game and chase her around or you can just simply walk away and avoid wasting your time.

And what I meant about the lol is that it's a sign of seeking validation. It's like laughing at your own joke because you're afraid no one would. Even when you call her out in a playful manner, no need to add the lols.
For EX:
"Are you alive? Or do I have to send my ninja squad to find you?"
Author:  TheRedBaron [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: OKC Girl Flakes on 1st Date
Quote:
True. You brush it off like handling the shit test when you don't know whether her excuse is legit or not. Then it's best to not let it bother you. But in this case, she flat out said you need to chase. Then you either can decide if you want to play her game and chase her around or you can just simply walk away and avoid wasting your time.

And what I meant about the lol is that it's a sign of seeking validation. It's like laughing at your own joke because you're afraid no one would. Even when you call her out in a playful manner, no need to add the lols.
For EX:
"Are you alive? Or do I have to send my ninja squad to find you?"
Good point. I added the "lol" only because I thought it feel too serious without it. Finding a non-lol/smiley way to do it sounds better though.

Fortunately I made a new fuck buddy today, so that'll help with dropping her. Sucks cuz we got along pretty well.
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