My friend suggested to me that I should post some of my statuses on here because many of you guys might be looking for statuses that get a lot of likes on Facebook or retweets on Twitter. Many of the things I post get liked or retweeted, so use them if you want.
After a while you should get use to the gist of the humor that gets a lot of likes, especially the college crowd.
The likes and comments part refers to the statement directly above it.
Used
If a guys coffee order has more than 5 words in it, he should have to tuck his penis behind his butt for the rest of the day.
13 likes 10 comments
Unicorns can’t fly. I can’t fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
12 likes 5 comments
Hoodies, bonfires, crisp air, playing in piles of leaves, haunted houses, hiking, pumpkins, Halloween, football... Fall, I have been waiting patiently for you to get here. So excited you're back
47 likes 11 comments
No woman ever thought "Oh, I can't wait to grow up and meet a jerk that's going to treat me horribly, be unreliable, act lazy, talk down to me and belittle me on a constant basis." They want a nice guy, but most guys who say they're a nice guy are actually just wimps. Girls don't want wimps. Be a nice guy with a backbone.
30 likes 18 comments
Yesterday was the start of a string of donations that will continue for the rest of my life. Being Type O, the universal donor, I decided that I need to give as much and as often as I can without jeopardizing my own health. If you're not doing something to help others, you're not doing anything.
23 likes 2 comments
Are you selling those pants? Cuz I'd like to get them 100 percent off.
13 likes 2 comments
Had a dream that Romney was elected president... So I threw a bat at him, called him a dumb fuck and moved out of the country.
14 likes 2 comments
I don't care about the poor 16 year old who got pregnant or the millionaire who can't find love. Grow up.
6 likes 5 comments
I'm going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 16. Then I'm going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house, something he'll grow up looking at. Then when the appropriate time comes, and he realizes that the picture is of him, I'm going to convince him that he is a time traveller
33 likes 12 comments
There shouldn't be a National Coming Out Day... because we should accept people how they are every day.
36 likes 5 comments
Boo hoo, you got school tomorrow. Nobody gives a shit, go be 4 again
10 likes 8 comments
If Dumbledore did a 'Cribs' episode for Hogwarts, he'd be like "and this is where the magic happens" in every room.
30 likes 1 comment
Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling. Some people are better at hiding it than others.
29 likes 3 comments
Classes? Nah. Homework? Nope. Studying? Psh. Boxer briefs, three blankies and my bed? I'm good here for the day.
18 likes 5 comments
I hate wearing pants.
8 likes 3 comments
Starting a fight club. Who wants to join?
11 likes 15 comments
I am seriously cuddled up, eating cereal, and watching Mean Girls by myself?....... Yup.
30 likes 38 comments
I’m voting for Mr. Feeny.
33 likes 4 comments
"JUST VOTED!!" Congratulations.....on doing your job as an American citizen. Do you want a cookie?
18 likes 7 comments
