if I were a girl, I would never open my legs for this yucky opener.
but that's probably why I am not a girl...

A message sent to a girl who was "well endowed" with a piercing next to her eye.


"I have taken the liberty of contacting an oncologist for you. Apparently, nobody has noticed this before me otherwise they would have done the right thing... You have two massive tumors on your chest and they could be ready to burst at any moment, seeping cancerous cells into the rest of your body.

Furthermore, somebody has shot you with some kind of diamond studded bullet. They were a good shot, too, because it almost hit you in the eye. I know a guy who could have that removed for you. It may have put a small fracture in your skull and be lodged in your right frontal lobe, which could disrupt your ability to make rational judgement calls. Either way, we should have it checked out.

Now all I need to know is what day is good/best for you, so we can get you in ASAP and get these medical conditions taken care of. I think you have potential, but I am not willing to put my life on hold for a bullseye with two tumors."