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critique my about me session on pof
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Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 7:16 am ]
Post subject:  critique my about me session on pof
About me:

I’m a but selfish sometimes, but open to endless possibilities, highly goal-oriented, and ambitious individual; i'm good looking with an athletic body. Young enough to do it, and old enough to do it right. I drink occasionally, don’t smoke, but, I’m a lot of fun. I’m pursuing a Bachelors degree in Business and i'm contemplating Law school in the near future. In addition, enjoying life, and enjoying it with good people, is my number one criteria. I think life is too short to not live it to the fullest. I'm down to earth most of the time, but also have a wild side that tends to come out when the time is right.

I love sincerity, passion, and understanding in a woman. In addition, I like women that are down to earth and are comfortable in their own skin. Lastly, confidence is my biggest turn on, I love a confident woman, someone that's not afraid to tell me when i'm right or wrong. If you happen to be one of them, then contact me. Looks are the farthest thing on my mind when it comes to attraction. I think genuine attraction is built with trust and comport with one another. Lastly, I'm one of the most loyal people you'll meet and i expect the same from :). If you think we're a match, don't be shy.


this is a brief about me that i've written on POF, any critique is welcomed.
Author:  dlightmen [ Sun May 13, 2012 9:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Add some spice to it.
Quote:
I don't play no games! I'm contemplating Law School (totally serious here)! So screw me over; I'll take everything! Even your stashed away Just Bieber Albums! :P
I've found some good online dating profiles are those not taken too serious. But do convey one's self, in a "i don't really care about online dating" kind of way.
[/quote]
Author:  E_R0CK [ Sun May 13, 2012 7:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
It seems like you are offering too much value, which actually lowers your perceived value as she doesn't have to earn it. As he also said, be playful. I would also establish some sort of standard so you come across as being selective. Like "Must have college degree" "Must be independent and have job".
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 9:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Add some spice to it.
Quote:
I don't play no games! I'm contemplating Law School (totally serious here)! So screw me over; I'll take everything! Even your stashed away Just Bieber Albums! :P
I've found some good online dating profiles are those not taken too serious. But do convey one's self, in a "i don't really care about online dating" kind of way.
[/quote]


will add, and what you said is totally congruent with who i am so it fits right in.
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 9:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It seems like you are offering too much value, which actually lowers your perceived value as she doesn't have to earn it. As he also said, be playful. I would also establish some sort of standard so you come across as being selective. Like "Must have college degree" "Must be independent and have job".
that's what i thought when i read it over a few times, i'll look into it and see what i can change.


thanks for the input guys
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 9:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
here's the link btw, and i'm getting 4-5 more pics edited, that's why only one is up so far.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39769751
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 9:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
how's this:


I’m a bit selfish sometimes, but open to endless possibilities, highly goal-oriented, and ambitious individual; i'm good looking with an athletic body. Young enough to do it, and old enough to do it right. I drink occasionally, don’t smoke, but, I’m a lot of fun (up for some bar hoppin'? i'll even let you buy :P). I don't play no games! I'm contemplating Law School (totally serious here)! So screw me over; and i'll take everything! Even your stashed away Just Bieber Albums! In addition, enjoying life, and enjoying it with good people, is my number one criteria. I think life is too short to not live it to the fullest. I'm down to earth most of the time, but also have a wild side that tends to come out when the time is right.

what i'm looking for:
I love sincerity, passion, and understanding in a woman. In addition, I like women that are down to earth, open-minded and are comfortable in their own skin. Confidence is a big plus, but if you're arrogant, no need to respond :). Lastly, i'd like you to be independent, have a degree or working on one at the moment, and i hope you have everything together, as i'm not looking for drama and i'm sure neither are you. So, if you happen to be one of them, then contact me.



Don't contact me if: you are a stripper, have implements, don't shower, and don't like The Matrix...
Author:  Fretdust [ Sun May 13, 2012 9:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
"Lastly, i'd like you to be independent, have a degree or working on one at the moment"


that thing about having a degree is ruling out alot of great girls dude that you could be meeting up with.
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 10:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If you could get JSmooth's critique, you'd be served very well. Try PMing him or reading his online gaming threads.

i did :), but you got any suggestions? good or bad they're all welcomed haha
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 10:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
"Lastly, i'd like you to be independent, have a degree or working on one at the moment"


that thing about having a degree is ruling out alot of great girls dude that you could be meeting up with.

i think i'll experiment with this for a while and see it goes for now, "or be working on a degree SPAM" gets a lot of them in the door :).


thanks for the input bro.
Author:  Tru_Bishop [ Sun May 13, 2012 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: critique my about me session on pof
Quote:
I like the previous suggestions making things more humorous (talking about being a divorce lawyer, for example). But I've never done online game (except for a girl I met over facebook that I'm currently talking to), so I really don't want to steer you the wrong way lol

you should be on there bro, i've met 4 great chicks already with sub-optimal profiles and pics. i finally decided to take the next step and putting a serious effort into this. working on the humorous bit, :)
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