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Help improve my profile (pof)
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=135701		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  mrjericho [ Sat May 12, 2012 2:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Help improve my profile (pof)
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=36747439
Author:  detox75 [ Sat May 12, 2012 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
retake the motorcycle picture you are slouching and emphasizing your gut, bad body language.

Your profile is ok but boring, too many sentences starting out with "I am...." makes it sound somewhat juvenile. Try to spice it up and make it more exciting like your an interesting person with an exciting lifestyle, also make yourself sound more selective about what type of girl you are looking for. The content you have is fine, but rephrase it with more actions works and stylistic touches.

Look at other guys profiles (no homo) and you will find a small number of guys who write in the manner 'im speaking about. Those are normally the 20% of guys on the internet that get 80% of the responses.
Author:  mrjericho [ Sat May 12, 2012 7:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
retake the motorcycle picture you are slouching and emphasizing your gut, bad body language.
Done
Quote:
Your profile is ok but boring, too many sentences starting out with "I am...." makes it sound somewhat juvenile. Try to spice it up and make it more exciting like your an interesting person with an exciting lifestyle, also make yourself sound more selective about what type of girl you are looking for. The content you have is fine, but rephrase it with more actions works and stylistic touches.
How about now?
Quote:
Look at other guys profiles (no homo) and you will find a small number of guys who write in the manner 'im speaking about. Those are normally the 20% of guys on the internet that get 80% of the responses.
Will do. Thanks.
Author:  detox75 [ Sat May 12, 2012 10:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Its Getting a lot better

This was the best line you used :
Quote:
I quote songs and movies, and will reprimand anyone messing up song lyrics.
It made you appear fun and selective, like a guy that could afford to be picky, and that shows good DHV

I would change this:
Quote:
do have a twisted sense of humor that doesn't reveal itself until I feel comfortable around you.
it makes you look overly timid and subject to other peoples frames, try this on:
Quote:
do have a great sense of humor which some people do find risque, but in the end I will have you laughing your ass off.
The second version takes control of the frame and makes you look more like a leader then someone waiting about for others approval.


since your a good looking guy I would add a couple more face pictures, try one with you surrounded by people, this makes you look sociable and exciting, girls want to see that. All your pictures are solo which guys dont notice but girls may question "does this guy have no friends?"

People often think small changes in profiles and tweaking dont mean much, but when a woman reads an online profile she is not analyzing every activity and mannerism per se, but she is getting an overall sense of what kind of guy you are and where you fit in on the social hierarchy. When you compound small mistakes throughout a long profile it adds up to a typical "next" type profile.

also you can try posting this in Jsmooths section, he is the resident online expert and gives helpful advice.
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