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HereToday: Journal
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Author:  HereToday [ Sat Mar 03, 2012 2:56 am ]
Post subject:  HereToday: Journal
I don't wanna write this down anywhere else, I figured this is the best place. I am just recording my thoughts and experiences .


I number closed with 2 girls in 10 days online. Reply rate went from 1 in 20 to 1 in 6, somewhat higher if you only count those who who actually read my email. Some girls I get sent in my daily pics haven't been active in over 3 weeks. This place has been amazing for increasing my online responses.

Here is one of the things I wanted to write about.

So I am doing my thing during the day and I get a text from this girl. She tells me her name and I tell her that I don't remember her, which was said in a playful way to make her validate herself. We kept talking and I kept trying to get more and more info on her. I got her to talk about her job and, then I talked about mine and how it's more stable and almost triple the pay(For DHV). Now this lady is hell bent on an interview style conversation, it is hysterical how many times she chose not to give me a hard time on a mistake, Facts and Interview questions is all she does. I try to keep the conversation light and fun which seems to keep her going, I told her good night hours ago and she is still texting me, but I am not texting back.


Then she starts texting me questions on my personal values, life style, etc....AND THEN I do the most stupidest thing, because I knew the subject of this conversation was values and life style. I mentioned religion, I totally screwed it up. The letters just seemed to roll write off my finger tips. I could feel the conversation run dry. But like clockwork she forgave me and kept on going with her routine. We now have plans to meet up in a few days, so on I go. I literally didn't find out who she was until the 4th hour of talking to her. Seems like a good girl though. Would be nice to go on a date with a lady who doesn't judge you harshly or work you every 2 seconds.

This will be my first date using stuff like Kino, which is about the only thing I am confident I can pull off. But I will try and record some results and see how it goes.
Author:  HereToday [ Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
I don't wanna post my other canned massages, but one of them is definitely under performing the others. So I will post it. Used roughly 30 times and got 3 responses.
Quote:
I can't believe you said that. I like your profile, you sound like we have might hit it off. Message me back, ask me anything. (Name).
Other things: Telling them my name on the second response rather than the first is giving me better result. I also notice that the few women who have sent me a text message have only sent me a message if I mention my number in every email. I noticed that Match has actually sent me around 35% women who have not been on there profiles for 3weeks or longer.

I am still trying to work my profile out. Since I put a joke a joke in my profile I have been Favorited more, and sent emails more, but really they were 4's, not even below average, but rather the type of girl you have to knowingly disregard there horrible physical features. I did not respond.

I also am wondering if it is okay to continue sending emails to women while I have made plans to go out with someone else. Do I tell the girl I am going on a date with "Hey I am still sending emails out" or should I just keep that to myself.
Author:  HereToday [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:42 am ]
Post subject: 
My mind set with this last girl is a little changed now. I am trying to stay lively with her, but just can't seem to put forth the effort. She is not that fun to talk to, thinking of just cutting her off. The more I realize that my effort is starting to outweigh hers is a sign that she is no longer interested. Right now I am feeling really fake, and I don't like that feeling.

Some other girls have posted some replies so we will see where that goes. I recently changed my profile to cut out a few sentences. Reformatted some stuff, like.....

Talked about my experience on the dating site.
Next I put my wants from women.
Third I put stuff about me
Last I put some random end paragraph with a bit of humor.

I noticed that every women that responded who put that they like coffee has not responded to my reply question on "What is your favorite coffee place?". More women have responded to my reply question of "How are you?" than to the coffee question. I am thinking that asking what the favorite place to get coffee is probably stupid. I am trying to think of better things to say for my responses.

I have noticed that when I interject random stuff that has nothing to do with the conversation I get better response. Like if they mention the playing in the sand at the beach I will mention them being a dirty girl or something. If I ask them about their job and they respond, I exaggerate their job and ask a question about my exaggeration. Like one lady told me she worked at a preschool so I asked her how often she abused kids by sending them in time out. I have never not gotten a response from this. It's serious work trying to dig stuff out of these girls when it seems like there is just an empty shell.
Author:  HereToday [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:37 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, I have been flaked off at the last moment 3 times in two weeks, twice by one girl and once by another. Shit happens I guess. Time to soldier up and keep going.

Last night was actually the most exciting. Talking to 3 girls at the same time through text, email, IM. It was almost like a sport. I have dumped some more material that wasn't working, written some other stuff. Asking questions that are confusing or engage you a little more seems to be the best bet rather than the ones OKcupid has listed.

The worst ones to date are listed below. 1-5 are Okcupids order in which they think that you will get the best responses.
1# How's it going?
2# Whats up?
3# Howdy
4# Hola
5# Yo

I have one girl, a 9-10ish, 10 in my eyes at least. Most gorgeous girl who has ever emailed me from match. We have been emailing each other jokes and sarcastic comments, but now she has stopped. I don't know if I was being used for some quick entertainment, or if I said something wrong. But still nice to get the replies. I should note it's only been 2 days since we started talking, so I might have to just be patient.
Author:  HereToday [ Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:41 am ]
Post subject: 
Well day 28 according to Match. I have gotten 5 numbers sense, and made plans with 3. All 3 have canceled last minute. I read a book that said the more you date different women the better, because inexperienced people tend to put a lot of stock into someone saying yes to a date or two. I feel a little depressed to have 3 women in a row say yes to a date and all 3 cancel that first date. This last girl hasn't even called to tell me the date is canceled, no notice, no nothing. But that is just the AFC in me, I'll get past it, always do.


But all is not lost, because my number closing is consistent, basically have gotten 1 number or more per week, so eventually I will find a better way of doing things. I am now talking to yet another girl via text. My text game is getting way better, actually my email to text game is getting a lot better. but something is still a miss.

I tried to put some cool picture for my main picture, but Match would not approve it. I am currently trying to come up with a picture of my face and body that match will approve that is better than me making some goofy face.

I should note I am no longer using that "Your profile sucks" style opener. I haven't been for about a week now. It seems to work a little better. Basically asking them a goofy question. I am working on a new response when they respond to my goofy question. Basically I go through the process of telling them why they owe me. Trying to come up with a perpetual conversation process that doesn't require them to actually contribute anything.

Cheers all.
Author:  HereToday [ Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well at least forth times a charm. I made plans for a coffee meet with a lady, and she followed through with it.

This was the fastest ever meet. Things I think I did right.........
1. I made little chit chat with other people in the store before sitting down with her, just to show some of my social awareness/maturity.
2. I didn't move past touching her arm with the back of my hand.

Things I need to work on........
1. I hated that we sat down to talk, I wanted to roam around and the was a little bit of an interview process going on.
2. There was blank spots in our conversation, trying to get more the 2 minutes out of a question was hard for me.
3. I said um a few times, but I watched myself, I want to get better at that.
4. I was nervous as hell, and every time we had a blank spot I got even more nervous. I felt like I failed a little more every time there was a blank spot in our conversation.


Okay, well at least not every lady in the world plans a date, then cancels. I am gonna try a recommendation from done and make a plan for my text, then once I get what I want from the text I stop. I was texting "Good Morning" Text during day, the day, then a third round of Texting for "Good Night". I am going to make it a point to do one round a day and even then I will try to have an agenda for getting them to feel good, then cutting it short.

Edit: This makes 7 numbers in 29 days.

IF ANYBODY WANTS TO RESPOND TO THESE I AM ALL EARS. This is part journal, part whatever.
Author:  HereToday [ Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Just recording some events for later analysis.

The lady who I am currently texting seems to be mad at me. She was taking a average of 2 hours or more to respond to my texts, and I ended up falling asleep after waiting over an hour for her to respond. Her response was actually happy and playful. Maybe she was getting excited and I ruined her fun. I text her today with no response. I sent her this a little while ago

Me: Hey, I'm signing off. Good Night =)\
Her: Later dude.

So she did get my first text. But she didn't respond to it, though she did respond to my last text saying good bye, and she calls me "Dude"? Maybe I am over thinking. I will work her a little more, but if nothing comes of it, then I will move on.

I have also gotten an email from a girl who looks rather hot. She answered one of my random questions, and I sent her a message back with a little bit I used successfully once, which basically is me telling her how she answered the question wrong(even though there is no right answer). This method so far is 1 in 4 for getting the girl to text me.

On a lighter note, the rejections aren't running havoc on my mind in the last couple days. I'm starting to take this more like I'm doing statistical work and detaching a little bit. Which I think is a good thing for me, I do tend to get over attached early on. I'm sure if I can get up to actually going out with girls more, then I will get over that too.
Author:  dukepua [ Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Hey dude, good work posting this journal, looks like you're making some excellent progress in the online dating world.

Just had a few things to share/ask:

As I think you've realised, it's best to stay away from serious topics, such as religion, politics and your job (except in giving a passing description of what you do). If a girl is giving you interview-style questions, it means you're letting her lead the interaction. Try turning the tables by making her answer some stupid/playful questions - what superpower she would have, what animal she would be, etcetera.

It sounds like your response rate to first messages is still pretty low - the average response rate is one in three, and I reckon you should be aiming for at least half. What kind of things are you saying? There's a piece on first messages on my blog if you're interested (see my signature).

If you're getting a lot of flakes on dates, you probably need to build a bit more rapport. I find that getting a girl on the phone for a short (no more than 10-15 minutes) conversation dramatically reduces flaking.

Hope that helps, and keep up the good work!
Author:  HereToday [ Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Try turning the tables by making her answer some stupid/playful questions - what superpower she would have, what animal she would be, etcetera.

As soon as I read that I had this "OMG I can't believe I never thought of that" moment.


My rough estimate of my statistics are this............3/7. Less than half. I filtered out all the ones that never read it, because Match keeps sending me people who haven't logged in over 3 weeks, which is basically a dead account. When I was using the, your profile sucks approach is was 1/5 which originally mt rate was 1/2, so 1/5 was pretty good in my mind. My questions are silly like, "How many ducks does it take to screw in a potatoe?" Just random ass questions. And actually this has led to more numbers.

In 30 days I'm at 8 numbers and 1 official meet. Which is more than I have ever done in the online game. I will have to try and apply the silly questions in real.


Edit: The girl was was mad at me in the previous post agreed to go out with me this week. I decided to take a dramatic shift in character. I went from Cocky&Funny to completely serious. And actually after I went serious, she responded very well, then she actually led me back into Cocky&Funny territory. So she likes my Cocky&Funny, but she needs to know I can be a MAN as they say and be serious. We'll see if she shows up.
Author:  HereToday [ Thu Mar 22, 2012 6:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, got to date with another girl. This one went better than the last. I had a few stories set out, but I couldn't get her to talk much. One aspect I felt bad about not diving after was her responses to her jobs, both current and dream job. She talked more about that than anything, but I couldn't think of enough questions that she wanted to talk about.

She seemed rather upset when I asked her an opinion about where to sit, or whether to walk around, she really wanted me to take charge and decided things for her. Which is weird to me, because she has better job, education, money, even dressed better. But above all that, she wanted me to decide. I think when a women wants a man to choose, it isn't about the man controlling her, it is whether or not he takes the effort to take care of her when he is in control. Like if you could do anything and get away with it, what would you do? I think girls have that mind set, they let us do what we want and judge afterwards.

In terms of physical contact I touched the outside of her arm several times, and at one point I asked for her hand and she wouldn't even put it in mine. She just showed it to me palm up. I got a side hug at the end, I felt she wanted one, but more as a parting gift or something.

I could not figure out how to get her to loosen her body without talking during the movie. She literally sat with her arms crossed and legs crossed the whole movie. Edit: I kept leaning away from her, and crossing my legs away from her. She would actually put her arms in her lap and uncross her legs when I did this, and she would recross both arms and legs when I put both legs straight and my hand on my leg. I did not attempt to hold her hand again.

I also nervously told her I had a good time when I did not, and she replied I kid you not with "Good" and that was the last thing she said to me. I won't call her back, but if she some how decides she had a good time and wants another, then I will date her again.

I originally told myself I wasn't gonna rate the girls, but that's how recording goes. The first girl was HB5-6, this girl is HB7. But hard to say, I could tell she had curves she was hiding under her clothes, she might be pretty hot under that clothes. This girl I have plans to see this weekend is HB7.5, but this isn't a progress, like 6-7-7.5, it is just luck that I met up with these ladies in this order. But I am glad I get the opportunity to learn on the ones I don't view as high.

There was a girl online that bugged the shit out of me. She keeps emailing me, but I am getting no where. She has never gotten serious with her talking. She just annoyed me. She played hard to get for too long so I cut her off. I am on to another question opener. I am asking opinions of random stuff now.
Author:  HereToday [ Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:25 am ]
Post subject: 
I am very sad to report that date plan with the 6th lady had been canceled. This make 4 out of six ladies canceling. This one is very apologetic, so I will give another chance. She claims something that she has to do for work, we will see.

I am also reporting that this opener is terrible. I am retiring it. It has the worst response rate.
Quote:
What's your opinion on ghosts?
Author:  HereToday [ Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Well I stopped texting lady number 6, she stopped answering my texts. I got her to respond to two re-openers. But she never got that fire back. I'm not gonna waste my time.


I went on a date with an HB7. Her pictures were so deceiving. Made her look like an 8. But regardless, she isn't ugly, just on my level, probably for the best.

Things I did right:
She actually canceled our first date, and wanted to reschedule, I accused her of playing games. She made our rescheduled date. I don't know if it is good to accuse a girl of playing games. But because of the success, I will do it every time they try and reschedule. This way it challenges their belief on who they are.

The date was a quick meet. I didn't try to touch her at all, she showed up knowing she could only stay for less than an hour. But regardless, I did get a chance to practice my conversation skills. We never had a dead spot, which made me happy. I am able to practice some of my questions and stories. I need some work, but I am generally happy with the improvement in my attitude and conversation from previous dates with other girls.


Things I did wrong:
1. I kept rubbing and pinching my hand.
2. I kept touching my leg. It was a nervous thing, I was trying to keep good posture, but it was a struggle, because I felt the natural urge to put my head down in shame(no confidence).
3. I have not a clue how I should have sat. We were sitting at a table, and I didn't know how to look good while doing so.
4. I couldn't get the confidence to make a joke or try and get her to laugh. Which I wanted to do, but I was a little afraid of failure.

I think I am going to try and get another date out of this lady. Not sure what the next move should be. I'll sleep on it, and make my plans tomorrow.


On another note, Style's point system for women is proving to be a solid thing to do. I have not had one lady respond negatively to it.
Author:  GKS [ Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:34 am ]
Post subject: 
It's nice to see that you're making progress. But keep in mind, whether it's online or in real life gaming, don't focus too much on the number close. Getting numbers is easy, building enough comfort and attraction so they don't flake takes a bit more work. I always set my goals somewhere beyond the numbers and dates, that way I don't get too obsessed with it.

Though girls tend to flake more online, they always have second thought since they have never met you before. The best way to deal with this is setting up date with 2-3 girls in the same night, if all 3 don't flake, you can always pick the one you like best and cancel the others. This way you will appear as having a busy life for the other two. I've done this all the time, it works well. The ones I canceled on always try to reschedule with me.
Author:  HereToday [ Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The best way to deal with this is setting up date with 2-3 girls in the same night, if all 3 don't flake, you can always pick the one you like best and cancel the others.

Bro if I could get just one a day I would be swimming. Even if half cancel.


I don't know why you said not to focus on the numbers. If I don't focus on the number close, then how would I ever been able to practice on them in order to gain enough skill to talk to them and be good at building rapport so they won't flake etc......
Author:  GKS [ Thu Mar 29, 2012 6:57 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Bro if I could get just one a day I would be swimming. Even if half cancel.


I don't know why you said not to focus on the numbers. If I don't focus on the number close, then how would I ever been able to practice on them in order to gain enough skill to talk to them and be good at building rapport so they won't flake etc......
What I mean is don't stress on closing number and think you HAVE to get their number every time, focus on building rapport and comfort. Then you ask them to hang out or do something fun. The number part will come naturally, sometimes the girls even offer me their number to stay in touch or I just leave me number and tell them to text me.

I wrote a guide a while ago, feel free to give it try.
-survival-guide-for-online-dating--vt12 ... highlight=
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