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Feedback for OKC profile
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=50&t=120155		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Maedhros [ Tue Nov 08, 2011 9:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Feedback for OKC profile
Hi guys,

Could you please give me some feedback on my profile? Not sure if I am communicating what I really want in this profile. I personally think I lead a pretty interesting life and have a well-rounded amount of interests, which I think comes across pretty well here.. but I think it may also look like I come across as a bit of a stuffy ass as opposed to the kinda 'Renaissance' guy I'm going for ;)

Probably it's a bit unfocused, so please suggest some improvements! Also the suggestions for openers in this forum have worked miracles since I started using them yesterday! So much better than the pathetic results I was getting before. Good work fellas!

My profile name on OKCupid is Rocketsaurus (yeah yeah, bit of a silly name I know!)
Author:  JSmooth [ Tue Nov 08, 2011 10:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Good photos!

You need more in your first section to convey your personality. I see all this stuff about where you were born, and what you like to do but not a lot about who you are and what you are like. Likewise, I didn't see anything in there about the type of girl you are after. It helps to have this so she can identify with what you want.
Author:  Maedhros [ Tue Nov 08, 2011 10:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well I can tell which profile is yours since you just viewed mine recently, and phew, what a contrast! I can definitely see where I am going wrong. Need to focus more on the emotional and personal stuff rather than putting a random assortment of facts out there like I have done right now.

I'll get to work on it, I'll reply again when I've made changes that I'm happy with and maybe you could review it again? Thanks for the help.
Author:  detox75 [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 12:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Yep Jsmooth is right

"random assortment of facts " is what most guys post and is an epic online fail. Inspire emotion, create intrigue...

show dont tell.
Author:  JSmooth [ Wed Nov 09, 2011 1:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Well I can tell which profile is yours since you just viewed mine recently, and phew, what a contrast! I can definitely see where I am going wrong. Need to focus more on the emotional and personal stuff rather than putting a random assortment of facts out there like I have done right now.

I'll get to work on it, I'll reply again when I've made changes that I'm happy with and maybe you could review it again? Thanks for the help.
Happy to help! I'll be sure to look at it again later on.
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