Is my fly open? Is my hair doing that weird thing again? Why is she looking at me like that? Did I just say something stupid? These questions race through your mind. You wish you could push pause to take a breath and realize what you are doing, but this is real life. No time to stop —so you go with it. There is an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. Every glance you receive is filled with disdain and negativity, or so you think. You have caught the insecurity bug!
Even the best looking, most intelligent, outgoing men catch the symptoms of insecurity. You may find yourself asking, “WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS?!” It’'s normal. Relax. Take a deep breath and step back to look at what’s happening. EVERYONE goes through it. If they say they don’t, they are either a Buddhist monk, the most amazing person in the world, or they are lying!
Many of us have received awkward glances, weird responses, or other inexplicable tendencies that you wouldn’t expect from anyone. Why does this happen? WHO KNOWS! I have met many men who have been rejected and they instantaneously put blame on themselves. There are a myriad of reasons a woman will reject a man's innocent advances. She may have had a boyfriend, she may be on her period and is having a horrible day, her father may have died the night before, or she may have the cold and does not want to talk.
For example, I encountered the weirdest rational for rejection several weeks ago. I was at the local bar with several friends. A pretty blonde and my friend were all over each other— arms, legs, mouths entangled. From the looks of it, even the end of the world couldn'’t have prevented them from going home together. But when it came time to leave, she literally ran out the door. I later found out that she couldn'’t handle any more bad sex; whatever that means. She even admitted that she thought he was very attractive and wanted to see him again! Actions such as this one show that there are reasons for rejection that transcend your charm, your looks, or anything about you. Do yourself a favor. Take the blame off yourself!
But let’'s pretend that there is no specific rationalization for her awkward behavior. For example, she may be having a great day, is out with her friends, and is single and ready to mingle. Moreover, she is an intelligent, sophisticated, cute girl. You are an interesting, outgoing, fun loving, and attractive man. You know about the feelings of insecurity, but you’re not worried because your mojo is going. You feel great! Let’'s make it even more interesting. Pretend both of you have an interest in art, love Chinese food, walk your dogs in the same park, and enjoy the Matrix.
Then you see her. She sees you too. Your eyes lock, both screaming towards each other with the full intention of expressing a mutual attraction. Drink in hand, you stroll her way. The introduction goes perfectly. She smiles. But then her body becomes stiff. Her arms cross. Quick glances dart between her and her nearest girlfriend. All of a sudden, "“Hey Suzy, let’s go to the bathroom."” And then they are gone. You laugh it off, but you’'re cursing your bad luck for meeting another dumb girl. What happened? Although you may have done everything perfectly, something was wrong. Here is a hint. Girls are insecure too. Believe it or not, an attractive man can intimidate a woman in the same ways an attractive girl can intimidate a guy. This is a crucial element that needs to be understood. Realize that the interaction is not an interview in which she gets to take or leave you. You have the same option. So next time you go up and interact, realize first that she may be as insecure and worried about the outcome as you are. Sometimes a girl'’s insecurity is too much to overcome. Despite her great qualities, her intention to express mutual attraction is blinded by her insecurities. One day she will mature. Don’t let this get you down. Remember, take the blame off yourself!
-Ben Reed AKA Breednow
Breednow-or-never (dating advice for smart men) Google me
