Lol hey guys, just thought I'd give you a little more insight into my shit life so far. Basically, for some reason or another I have absolutely no self belief or confidence, whenever I try to show a little backbone I feel like I'm being watched or judged (not just when talking to women). Whenever I say anything I feel it's weak at best, I get a rush of adrenaline most of the time whenever I speak up in a situation and after I've spoken I feel judged and intimidated, as well as completely foolish for every word I've said. Because of this self doubt I blush a LOT. I'm not talking general blushing, any situation which feels threatening makes me swell up like a tomato, it's awful, which is why I'm not a fan of house parties or large social gatherings. I always feel stupid for talking, and usually because I get stumped with what to say, I just get completely flummoxed with what to say and I end up standing next to a girl saying fuck all - I feel like a tool (as we all do in those situations). When I'm in that situation I just think "you're saying nothing, think of something to say" but I never do. I hate it, and the stupid thing is I'm a well spoken person by profession - radio presenter (unemployed at present). In the studio I'm confident and loud because I'm alone and nobody can respond to what I say, I don't feel judged at all, in fact I often get females emailing in because they like my voice.
Sometimes when at clubs, if I meet a girl I can get nice and confident after like 10 minutes of talking to a girl and that's all good, it never goes very far though, and soon after I'm in the friend zone. If I'm not in the friend zone, girls just get with me for a short while because they're bored of their boyfriends and just want a bit of fun, then when I'm emotionally invested they get bored and drop me (it's happened a lot over the last few years). I've put my own morals and consideration for their boyfriends in front of my want to get laid for too long now, and I'm the one who always gets burned. Yeah, I'm fully aware I'm an AFC and I also have severe Nice Guy syndrome. I have anxiety due to a social phobia too, which doesn't help, which also stops me drinking and therefore people are usually patronising and see me as less interesting because I'm not a drinker like them.
Just for the record, when it comes to relationships it's a totally different story - I'm trusting and all the stuff I should be, but at the moment I'm beyond the relationship wanting stage after all these girls fucking about with me, and here I am now, trying to learn a new approach.
Another general issue with me is that I'm thin and I have a babyface, so I feel generally unconfident in girls taking me seriously. I'm 22 but no girl has ever put me older than 18 when guessing my age, which should be flattering but I find it really annoying.
To show the extent of my lack of self belief, I'm already doubting what I said at the beginning of this post and considering what you guys are already thinking of me, and it sucks.
Anyway, that's me.
Reno
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