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The "Stuck Feeling
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Author:  Lockpick [ Fri May 07, 2010 3:33 am ]
Post subject:  The "Stuck Feeling
So I dont know if anybody else gets this feeling, but basically when I'm in a place or a room with people that I do not know I just get this feeling.

This thing where I don't know what to say, I am over analyzing the situation, I don't know who to talk to or how to start a conversation. I know I want to start a conversation, I know I should, but I don't. And if by some miracle I do talk it is horrible because of the overanalyzing and the stuck feeling.

Rather I introvert, I choose not to speak to anyone. I just sit there, finish whatever I'm doing and leave.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Does anyone have a suggestion for a fix?
Author:  Ethanol [ Fri May 07, 2010 3:52 am ]
Post subject: 
yeh.. Just say something..

SAYING SOMETHING IS BETTER THEN NOT SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL.

You just have to go out there and practice it over and over again.. and then again..I suck at conversation skills as well. I run out of material to talk about and BANG the set is blown.. But sitting at home writing about it on the computer isnt going to help. Just go out there and keep doing it. As soon as you think of something say it! No matter how stupid!
Author:  Tony Stonem [ Fri May 07, 2010 3:55 am ]
Post subject: 
A few months ago that was me. Now I am a bit better at self motivation.

Here is suggestion. Without thinking, once you walk into a room pick out a target. Aim for someone who is around a 5-7, someone who you have little to no intention to close. Go up to that person and open. Try holding a conversation for a while then move on. Why? This will help you get rid of your jitters.

The quicker you get this done, the less frightening it will seem.

Try this maybe 4 or 5 times as quickly as you can... then start gaming.

Let me know how this goes and more importantly if this helps you get over the initial feeling to "not to speak to anyone."
Author:  Hypnomatt PUA Training [ Sun May 09, 2010 12:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Lockpick

This is something that I halp my clients with. People often refer to their situation as feeling stuck, and this leads to frustration and often depression. Instead of changing their stratigy, people tend to do whatthey are already doing but just with more effort.

My first question to all my clients is "what do you want?". Make it a tangible goal rather than a feeling. For example if you want to have a good social social life, then describe what a good social life is. Make it clear and tangible, for example a good social life might be going out 3 times a week with different groups of friends to do different activities and then going away one weekend a month to visit a different city etc.

So instead on focusing on what you are doing now and how you feel, ask yourself what is it that you actually want. Then you make a logical plan on how to achieve it. People often come up with emotional blockages, this is where hypnotherapy and other therapies can help to reduce the friction.

There is no "fix", simply deciding what it is you want and then going after it.

Matt
Author:  SomeKindOfMonster [ Tue May 11, 2010 7:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Lockpick-

I know exactly how you are feeling. I get in that mood sometimes too. I have found two things that help:

1. Drinking. The more I drink, the less that happens. However drinking makes me sloppy so its not a great fix.

2. Warming up first. Just by saying hello or striking up small talk with strangers before entering the bar gets me in the mental state of opening people. This has made a world of difference for me.
Author:  Darkst0rm [ Tue May 11, 2010 9:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dude, I'm totally with you. My problems are DEFINITELY related to thinking too damn much before a social encounter. What HenryHill said was golden: Follow the 3-Second Rule; don't give your mind time to think. Besides that, here's a few tricks that help me a little bit:

1) Get to the event early. That way, it's just you, the host, and one or two other people....much easier to approach a single stranger or two versus walking into a crowded event and not knowing anyone.

2) Grab a tray of food, approach a small group and say, "Wow! Have you tried these little things? They're great! This sounds silly, but I have no idea what they're called....help a brother out?" Learned this cheesy little trick about two months ago. Works, but if you're chunky, it might be considered a DLV....just saying. ;)

3) Don't self-medicate the problem, even with alcohol. I've tried with Valium and other meds for years and they don't fix the problem, they just sweep it under the rug temporarily....it always comes back. If you want to fix anxiety for good, you've got to face up to it sober like I'm doing right now, and without resorting to "liquid courage".
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