PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Racism in the dating world, how to deal with/overcome it?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=65101		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  Butters1990 [ Sat Apr 03, 2010 1:53 am ]
Post subject:  Racism in the dating world, how to deal with/overcome it?
I first posted this on the General Questions section, but now I think this really belongs here, sorry for the copy pasta

Here is my story I am fairly new to this PUA gig, my main goal is actually to have a girlfriend before my 2 years is up (joining the Military after college, I think it would be nice to write letters with someone) I have not found a PUA material that fits me yet so I bought the 2 books by Neil Strauss; "The Stylelife Challenge" and "The Style Diaries" and also downloaded David D's "77 laws of attraction" Since freshman year I have tried to ask out girls, I did what David D said (cocky and funny and all that stuff) But for some reason it is of no success, I even went as far as actually using HIS c&f lines.

As I wonder why every girl I talked to dumped me into the friends zone. I came to one conclusion; its my race. I am 55% sure of it! I am of Filipino descent, so I think that must be it (there are a lot of Asian stereotype that is not exactly helping me here, like the Asians have little penis thing, I mean I am not that small, come on we all know that is not true I thought people wouldnt care )

I have a friend, well I used to like her but she dumped me into the friends' zone (guess why? she was from a small town in Ukraine and even here in the US she lives in a predominantly white neighborhood....hmmm) well since I am in the fz anyway, I might as well stay. One time during a random conversation she asked me why I am single. So I told her that, well there are not enough single girls in my class, which is true. And she flat out told me that there are some Filipino girls in our class. Well first, there are only a handful of them, second they have boyfriends, and third they are into guys of non-Asian race anyway. After a while I started thinking on what she is trying to say which is "Date within your own race"

Now after that everything made a lot of sense! I am living in the NY/NJ area but most people are still racist and they dont even realize that they are racists! Especially the dating world. Now I realized why some girls said no whenever I ask them out, because I am Asian and they are white or Italian or w/e.

I dont know if its just me, maybe I am coming off too strong or maybe I am being creepy or scary, I dont know lets give that the possibility of happening too, maybe I am. But I approach these women (mostly white or black girls) in different ways, if it didnt work for that other one there is no reason to try that method again on another girl.

So I guess to sum it all up, how do I deal with this? Should I just ignore it and continue whatever I am doing? Now I have this new fear. Before whenever I try to ask a girl, maybe going to the prom or something I will say to myself "oh she will say no because she can find someone better" but now it is more like "oh will say no because she can find someone better, and I am Asian!"

Thank you for your help you guys. I dont know if any of you experienced anything like this.

P.S. I guess cocky and funny dont work with Asian guys.
Author:  jockingly [ Sat Apr 03, 2010 12:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
first of all, I have to say that race really doesnt matter.

its the way you present yourself thats important, I have seen many asian guys with white girlfriends (honestly most of the girls were really good looking imo, yes i am jealous xD).

when your ukrainian girlfriend told you that there are a lot of asian girls in your class you could have told her, that they were not your type and let her know that you are interested in girls of non-asian-ethnicity 8).

my advice for you is to look into the threads of the sections "social shyness & anxiety" and "building confidence etc." there are some very useful information in there that can come in handy.

P.S. cocky funny do work with asians ^^
Author:  Terry Duckwit [ Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Butters, I know you present this as being about racism, but maybe it is more about race and general negative thinking. It is true that some people won't date outside their race, and that some people are racist, but those are different not always the same thing. I mean I'm still pissed at Jessica Alba for talking bad about european males, but fuck her, there have to be other good looking women who do not have the same views as her. Ultimately people choosing not to date outside their race is not racism, but I appreciate that rejection can be taken personally and doesn't feel fair.

Just as with my negative thinking I always focus on the rejections and possible reasons that things won't go well and not about being myself, and focusing on the fact that there is someone out there for me who I will be attracted to. Lastly, I used to work with a guy from Singapore who had the most amazing personality going. People were drawn to him and he even had one girl chasing him for a relationship who was quite pretty but who he wasn't into. He would not care about rejection. He just has that kind of carefree personality. I think that's what we all need to aspire to.
Author:  CaLib0i [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:38 am ]
Post subject: 
DUDE. I'm FILIPINO!

No worries man. Just move to LA, if that's your believe. IMO, girls here are really hard if you're beginning. So if you can get HOT girls here, you can get any girl anywhere


BTW, I think it's your self esteem. I used to have that same mentality, so I went out saying I'm half Malaysian and half Spaniard(equals FILIPINO :D ..not really). Then other nights I said I was Hawaian. Didn't get me anywhere. Then I just decided who gives a shit. It felt so much better.

You need to KNOW that most girls won't like you. You can't force them. If they don't want to be in a sexual relationship with you, it's their loss. YOU ARE THE FUCKING PRIZE my MAN
Author:  Butters1990 [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hi Butters, I know you present this as being about racism, but maybe it is more about race and general negative thinking. It is true that some people won't date outside their race, and that some people are racist, but those are different not always the same thing. I mean I'm still pissed at Jessica Alba for talking bad about european males, but fuck her, there have to be other good looking women who do not have the same views as her. Ultimately people choosing not to date outside their race is not racism, but I appreciate that rejection can be taken personally and doesn't feel fair.

Just as with my negative thinking I always focus on the rejections and possible reasons that things won't go well and not about being myself, and focusing on the fact that there is someone out there for me who I will be attracted to. Lastly, I used to work with a guy from Singapore who had the most amazing personality going. People were drawn to him and he even had one girl chasing him for a relationship who was quite pretty but who he wasn't into. He would not care about rejection. He just has that kind of carefree personality. I think that's what we all need to aspire to.

We cant all pretend that race does not matter though.

It just suck that I have to work twice as hard than say, a white guy or a black guy.


For example, it almost seem like we dont have the right to be cocky and funny, because well, western media says that Asian guys are supposed to be withdrawn and effeminate etc. so when I do the c&f routine its just weird to them.

*sigh*


also are there any mainstream PUAs that tackled this? Mystery perhaps?
Author:  Butters1990 [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
DUDE. I'm FILIPINO!

No worries man. Just move to LA, if that's your believe. IMO, girls here are really hard if you're beginning. So if you can get HOT girls here, you can get any girl anywhere


BTW, I think it's your self esteem. I used to have that same mentality, so I went out saying I'm half Malaysian and half Spaniard(equals FILIPINO :D ..not really). Then other nights I said I was Hawaian. Didn't get me anywhere. Then I just decided who gives a shit. It felt so much better.

You need to KNOW that most girls won't like you. You can't force them. If they don't want to be in a sexual relationship with you, it's their loss. YOU ARE THE FUCKING PRIZE my MAN

lol but I thought the whole point of PUA is for you to get ANY girl?

anyway, I dont think that the specific ethnicity matters. It does not matter if you are CHinese, Korean or w/e when they see you, they will be like "oh an Asian guy"
Author:  CaLib0i [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
DUDE. I'm FILIPINO!

No worries man. Just move to LA, if that's your believe. IMO, girls here are really hard if you're beginning. So if you can get HOT girls here, you can get any girl anywhere


BTW, I think it's your self esteem. I used to have that same mentality, so I went out saying I'm half Malaysian and half Spaniard(equals FILIPINO :D ..not really). Then other nights I said I was Hawaian. Didn't get me anywhere. Then I just decided who gives a shit. It felt so much better.

You need to KNOW that most girls won't like you. You can't force them. If they don't want to be in a sexual relationship with you, it's their loss. YOU ARE THE FUCKING PRIZE my MAN

lol but I thought the whole point of PUA is for you to get ANY girl?

anyway, I dont think that the specific ethnicity matters. It does not matter if you are CHinese, Korean or w/e when they see you, they will be like "oh an Asian guy"
That's funny, coz I get more white girls than asian girls. The majority of asian girls actually turns me off in the beginning(I still prefer white women over them), and white girls were actually easy for me. So I don't know what you're talking about.

If you think that way, then that's how it'll be from your point of view. Just go to damn clubs and be a man.

Let's say race does matter. And let's say they do say, "oh it's an asian guy." DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY SAY THAT?

BECAUSE YOU FIT THE STEREOTYPE OF THE REGULAR SHY NICE SMART with small penis ASIAN GUY
Then it IS a damn RACIAL THING. So what? Are you just gonna bitch about it, or are you actually going to become better? What do you want to do. Your fate is up to you.


How about. be a confident, assertive, BIG DICK asian guy? That's what the community is for. We're here to help each other out, because most of us were in a similar situation.



Look, you CAN get any girl if that's what you want. BUT it's not an OVERNIGHT thing. You'll have to work at it. Meaning Failure is inevitable. And when they happen, be prepared. Be composed. Keep your cool. Know what went wrong. Learn from it. Know how to adjust the next time. And apply. Rinse and Repeat.

Accept failure, accept it happens.



Now if you still think it's about race then this is my last reply to you. As you are not worth helping if you cannot see your own flaws.



*yes there are racists, but there are SOOOO many Ukranians, Russians, Irish, Scotish, Italian, Greek, etc Girls that will FUCK THE SHIT out of YOU if you carry yourself like a MAN and not some BOY whining about RACE.
Author:  EndersGame [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:24 am ]
Post subject: 
It seems to me like the person who is having trouble with your race is you. You are a man period. What is race anyway? Look beyond the subtle phenotypical variations that you classify as Asian and carry yourself like a successful dominant male. If the women you are pursuing have any instincts they will be drawn to that essence regardless of their race and hey if they are so thoroughly brain washed and backwards so as to make race an issue than they are really not worth your time. Because you are an alpha male and have no need for those beta females damaged by bigotry.

I'm of mixed race myself so people are always trying to figure out what the hell I am. I am Chamorro, Spanish, Japanese, and Italaian, what race would you call me? I use this diversity as a tool. I explain my legacy proudly and show the utmost pride in all the cultures that have left their mark on my person you should to.
Author:  CaLib0i [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Hi Butters, I know you present this as being about racism, but maybe it is more about race and general negative thinking. It is true that some people won't date outside their race, and that some people are racist, but those are different not always the same thing. I mean I'm still pissed at Jessica Alba for talking bad about european males, but fuck her, there have to be other good looking women who do not have the same views as her. Ultimately people choosing not to date outside their race is not racism, but I appreciate that rejection can be taken personally and doesn't feel fair.

Just as with my negative thinking I always focus on the rejections and possible reasons that things won't go well and not about being myself, and focusing on the fact that there is someone out there for me who I will be attracted to. Lastly, I used to work with a guy from Singapore who had the most amazing personality going. People were drawn to him and he even had one girl chasing him for a relationship who was quite pretty but who he wasn't into. He would not care about rejection. He just has that kind of carefree personality. I think that's what we all need to aspire to.

We cant all pretend that race does not matter though.

It just suck that I have to work twice as hard than say, a white guy or a black guy.


For example, it almost seem like we dont have the right to be cocky and funny, because well, western media says that Asian guys are supposed to be withdrawn and effeminate etc. so when I do the c&f routine its just weird to them.

*sigh*


also are there any mainstream PUAs that tackled this? Mystery perhaps?
Love Systems have Mr. M(asian dude), and BONSAI(he used to post here under a different SN. also a friend of mine and says I looked like Mr.M) Who's also yellow as my thumb wrestling TSHIRT.
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 11:16 am ]
Post subject: 
rascism doesn't exist .... personal preference does exist. if a girl doesn not like mexicans because she's simply not attracted to mexicans fucking deal with it. stop the victim mentallity , and if people want to be rascist you should respect that - they have their own opinions.
if you hate rascist you are rascist yourself , you are a rascist hating rascist.
Quote:
I mean I'm still pissed at Jessica Alba for talking bad about european males
who said she never took european cock ? maybe she fucked dozend of europeans , americans are actually europeans if you look at history. she's not only hot but she's also retarded.
Quote:
It just suck that I have to work twice as hard than say, a white guy or a black guy.
oh for me it's more worse , i don't have work, you don't appreciate what you have , consider sleeping on the street with your victim mentality. if you don't like it you can always paint yourself white , probably doesn't help but you can try. your job is your job and if you turned out to be white tomorrow your job would be still as hard. you don't like your work so you try to find a quick judgement to make it better for yourself - victim mindset is a luxery.
Quote:
but I appreciate that rejection can be taken personally
everything is personal and everything is subjective.
Quote:
because well, western media says that Asian guys are supposed to be withdrawn and effeminate etc
you shouldn't give a shit waht other people say because everything is subjective.
Author:  Terry Duckwit [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
who said she never took european cock ? maybe she fucked dozend of europeans , americans are actually europeans if you look at history. she's not only hot but she's also retarded.
Well she gave her comment on European men on MTV punked. She said they were feminine or something. Fucking bitch! She is half Swedish and half mexican I think. Never mind. There are plenty of more pussies in the pussy sea.
Author:  Catalysm [ Sat May 22, 2010 3:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi, dude.

I am in Singapore and i have to disagree. I am Chinese descent and I find that picking up western chicks in fact, alot easier because there is no much need to build that comfort and rapport. Singaporean Chinese chicks might find it more strange to talk to a random guy on the street.

Your race affects you only if you make it an issue. If you cant stop thinking about it, make it into an advantage instead of disadvantage. Invent some pick up lines that reflect your unique cultural heritage.

Just my 2 cents.

Good Luck!
Author:  Stirlee [ Sat May 22, 2010 4:16 am ]
Post subject: 
i love how the only ppl saying race has no effect are white.
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Mon May 24, 2010 2:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
im not white, im greek/jewish but i live in holland
Author:  Darkst0rm [ Tue May 25, 2010 4:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i love how the only ppl saying race has no effect are white.
I read a quote by Jessie Jackson that summed it up pretty well about people here in the US: "When something bad happens, white people say it has nothing to do with race, while black people say it has everything to do with race, when truth of the matter is that they're both wrong."

@Butters: If you've read anything by Neil Strauss, one of his recurring themes on inner game is that "perception is reality". If you think race is an issue, then it will be an issue. If you have a mindset that it's not really relevant to your situation, then it will never be a part of your reality. As for racism, yeah, it can crop up more often than it should here in the US. Just filter it out as background noise, and avoid those who make it an issue too often. Work on improving yourself and on projecting that same better image of yourself to others, and everything else will fall into line.
Page 1 of 2 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/