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Crippling Fear of Rejection at College
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Author:  Checkfigure1 [ Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Crippling Fear of Rejection at College
I am in this project group for one of my classes in college. There is 3 HB's and 2 other guys. Whenever the group meets up, I have this crippling fear that barely allows me to speak. I feel so intimdated by the other men in the group and it makes me look really weak and beta. Obviously this is an unhealthy fear that I have. My mind keeps telling me that embarrasement that I used to experience will occur again.

Next week our group has to do a presentation for the class and I am scared shitless. I keep thinking I will fumble over my words and not be very articulate. Because that is what used to happen to me.

Have you guys ever felt like this before? If you have, what did you do to overcome it?

Thanks!
Author:  Jlax [ Sun Feb 28, 2010 5:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Ok, I have a solution for you. You ready? Ok. Observe everything from your thoughts to emotions. Then when you observe them dont only be aware of the thoughts but also be aware that you are the witness of those thoughts and emotions. Once you do that watch those thoughts and emotions in a way were you dont judge them. Just watch them and feel them. Thats all you have to do. You might start seeing results the first day but your definiteley gonna start seeing results after 3 days you do this practice. Watch your thoughts, observe them in a way were your not judging them, and watch the difference.

The best thing is you can do it whenever you want and theres no limit of how effective it can be. You can do it for as long as you want and see results everytime. But, this is gonna be frustrating as fuck once you start because it will seem like you cant watch the thoughts silently. But with practice the skill will come. If you want a better understanding of how to quiet your mind and use these practices id reccomend getting eckhart tolles power of now at 4shared.com.

Peace
Author:  Checkfigure1 [ Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Do you mean like look at my thoughts and feelings from a third person point of view?

thanks
Author:  TrueFlame [ Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Crippling Fear of Rejection at College
Quote:
I am in this project group for one of my classes in college. There is 3 HB's and 2 other guys. Whenever the group meets up, I have this crippling fear that barely allows me to speak. I feel so intimdated by the other men in the group and it makes me look really weak and beta. Obviously this is an unhealthy fear that I have. My mind keeps telling me that embarrasement that I used to experience will occur again.

Next week our group has to do a presentation for the class and I am scared shitless. I keep thinking I will fumble over my words and not be very articulate. Because that is what used to happen to me.

Have you guys ever felt like this before? If you have, what did you do to overcome it?

Thanks!
The worst thing that can happen here is you start your speech and some people think "He's nervous". If they are paying attention at all, which they probably aren't really.
You will find that, however bad you think you are at it, that public speaking becomes easier towards the end of the speech. By that time, everyone will have forgotten the start. Some women may actually be impressed that you overcame your nerves (I've observed this a few times) and delivered. They may be nervous themselves and actually identify with you, women are good with empathy.

Remember, you have to do something really extraordinary for any one to remember anything you do. Your embarassment is mostly in your own mind. People are fundamentally quite selfish and generally not that interested in what other people are doing except when it affects them.

If you have real trouble with delivery, use some basic speech therapy advice. Use a subtle musical-type of delivery for your first few sentences, as it is impossible to stutter when singing. An alternative is to make the first few sentences direct and attention-getting, almost angry. It is impossible to stutter when angry (maybe get a little annoyed at your stupid fears about public speaking).

But, really, you are probably just overstating the problem to yourself.
Author:  Smartbomb [ Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Anxiety over public speaking is very common. Knowing your topic cold to the point of not needing to look at your slides is the most helpful. A general mindset of "this is going to be fun" and "I'm going to ace this" is also very helpful. Get yourself into a talkative state before your presentation. In the hours leading up to your presentation, chat everyone up that you see and get into a frame of mind where the words just fluidly pop out of your head.

Stumbling over words is natural - if it happens just push through it and keep talking. Speak at a moderate pace, smile a lot, assume a comfortable stance. Put on an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks and walk in and own that fucking room.

As for the HBs - the kind of confidence that comes from doing what I described above successfully is the kind of alpha trait that makes girls' panties wet. Ace that thing and then you've got no problem starting a natural conversation with them.
Author:  tunatuna420 [ Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
I took a public speaking class last summer. Since it was rushed, we had to do speeches quite often, I like a bunch of people was terrified but then I noticed something that helped me get over it fairly quickly. I had some HBs in the class as well.

When other people where giving their speeches, it was obvious most were nervous just through body language, yet everyone sat and their chairs and zoned out like most of us do. This made me realize no one really gives a shit, theyre just nervous about when they have to go up. 95% of the classroom is actually not even paying attention to what you have to say, trust me. Do this next class and observe the room and see what I mean. Fwiw, people messed up all the time with alot of umms, pauses completely forgot what to say next, and basically just winging it and still no one cared or made a joke about it after class.

No one, esp in college, is gonna be that rude dbag that snickers or makes a lil laugh sound when someone messes up in speaking, just not cool and immature.

Look at it this way, for the next whatever mins it is of your presentation, fck your class, theyre robots or mannequins, w/e way you wanna look at it. They dont exist because they honestly dont care, the only person you need to not fck up for is the teacher obviously. Make the most eye contact with him and choose spots to stare at like an imaginary dot right above someones head on the wall so it still looks like your making eye contact yet your not.
Author:  Melodical [ Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you were being paid $1o,ooo,ooo to do it you wouldn't care if the audience was a hundred HB10's,so the power is there inside you.
Author:  Tianman [ Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Ok, I have a solution for you. You ready? Ok. Observe everything from your thoughts to emotions. Then when you observe them dont only be aware of the thoughts but also be aware that you are the witness of those thoughts and emotions. Once you do that watch those thoughts and emotions in a way were you dont judge them. Just watch them and feel them. Thats all you have to do. You might start seeing results the first day but your definiteley gonna start seeing results after 3 days you do this practice. Watch your thoughts, observe them in a way were your not judging them, and watch the difference.

The best thing is you can do it whenever you want and theres no limit of how effective it can be. You can do it for as long as you want and see results everytime. But, this is gonna be frustrating as fuck once you start because it will seem like you cant watch the thoughts silently. But with practice the skill will come. If you want a better understanding of how to quiet your mind and use these practices id reccomend getting eckhart tolles power of now at 4shared.com.

Peace

That guys absolutely right. i do that. It works. Even if you are feeling physical pain. this one time, i tried it after i accidentally got a staple stuck in my finger. I just looked at my finger, staple sticking out of it and all, and just thought "i feel pain, what does it feel like? " its hard to explain. but you know that you are feeling pain, the pain is registering with you, but it isnt bothering you, as you are analysing the feeling.
Author:  Jlax [ Sat Mar 06, 2010 6:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Yea, what Tianman said. I have been doing just that for the past 2 weeks whenever any negative emotion, thought, or feeling pops up. It has done wonders for me. I went from bareley talking to girls to girls approaching me and so forth. Also, ive become very open about my sexuality and women get a very strong feel for that. You just have to try it out for yourself. Something so simple can do wonders for you. You just have to put it into action and see for yourself. After doing this and im still doing it I have become way more in control of my emotions, thoughts, and overall am just more chill and relaxed in general.

Look emotion is your bodies reaction to your mind. IF you watch your mind carefully and observe the thoughts non judgementally youll get rid of the emotion. Anything unconscious is dissolved in the light of consciousness. Inner gme is no quick fix though. You need to put in lots of time to really have a solid frame and to become unshakable. But with that one technique you can actually achieve that state with consistent practice. Try this out for a week and youll SEE and FEEL the difference. I guarantee it.

Get the book though. It will give you a very clear understanding of how to achieve this state.
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