Enforcer, that is one amazing post. I like your explanation, I just learned alot from it.
And yes, every once in a while I get caught up in poor eye contact habits, and break my eye contact with people. Yes, even little kids.
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| Men are pussies at "Eye Contact" https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=62076 |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Men are pussies at "Eye Contact" |
Hey guys,I have an observation about EC. Yesterday(and any other day),I was walking and I noticed every little boy & girl(from ages 2-10)who passed me-looked straight in my eyes without flinching while I turn my gaze like a big PUSSY!! I notice other men in general do the same too. They(we)look away when being stared down by a child. Years ago,I read PU-newsletter(cant remember by which dating coach),but it basically said that as we get older,we become socially trained like dogs to be humbled and not stare and look ppl in the eyes. Children aren't socially trained so they freely look anyone in the eyes. As we get older,we're taught that that's impolite and rude(unless we're in convo with them). It sucks to be out-stared in the eye by a fucking 5 year old. Imagine if it was an HB10(lol)!! So,if Im gonna master eye contact,I can't be turning away from the gaze of a little boy or girl. Am I the only one faced with this? |
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| Author: | Luciiz [ Fri Feb 12, 2010 5:17 pm ] |
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Yeah I've had that. But I only look away because if I stare at them they'll become scared and will probably inform their parents that "that stranger is staring at me" But with girl I can outstare them no problem. |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Fri Feb 12, 2010 7:33 pm ] |
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Even though I've been in PU for many years now,EC has been my damn downfall. I neglected it for the more exotic NLP routines,canned routines,etc. EC seemed so irrelevant and boring but I now know how powerful it is. But I find that I cannot out stare a woman at all!!! Im always the 1st. to look away. |
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| Author: | Slywalker [ Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:08 pm ] |
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I think David Deangelo were talking about this. I like to play around with it, if a girl looks me in the eyes I don't look away until she does it first, and if she doesn't, well, then that's a great opener! |
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| Author: | SummerNight [ Fri Feb 12, 2010 11:28 pm ] |
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With little kids..it is not bad..bc I look them into their eyes and I smile with my eyes..I give warmth..bc little kids give warmth also (very little kids). With chicks, it is a hard point for me also.. I try to never look away first but it's hard for me to look at them and then when she suddenly notices that I'm looking at her..then it's really uncomfortable. |
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| Author: | Deadeyexx [ Sat Feb 13, 2010 5:22 am ] |
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I've got the opposite problem. My cold-eyed stare is a little bit too strong. I do agree, however, that most guys are deathly afraid of awkwardness, and are trained to break eye contact to avoid it. |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Sat Feb 13, 2010 6:37 pm ] |
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Thanks for the feedback guys. But as aspiring-PUAs,EC should be a no brainer. But I'd neglected it. Believe it or not,I can look a guy in the eyes while talking,but I'd not be so steadfast while talking with an HB. |
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| Author: | The_Enforcer [ Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:38 am ] |
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Introductory (clinical) NLP theorises that individuals will find eye contact easier or harder based on which of the represntations systems (visual, auditory or kino) they preference. If you find it easy to hold eye contact odds are that it's your dominant representational system, if not you run into a problem: The problem being that society is conditioned to value eye contact. Why? Because the majority of people are visual-dominant. Taking this into account you must realise that strong eye-contact is seen as honest and sincere and is a constant demonstration of value. Whether it is accurate for all people or not - eye contact is viewed as indicative of confidence, genuine-ness and value. Learn to look and hold boys, it is worth it. This is a barrier that many face limiting beliefs with - shatter them right now. Look people in the eyes, just do it. It is not hard. If you need to drift away from direct eye contact while your thinking that's fine, but hold it as much as possible. Don't let this become a sticking point, because it is as simple to overcome and "just do it". Happy sarging lads. |
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| Author: | PUA Kenny [ Sun Feb 14, 2010 6:55 pm ] |
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I think I want to hire you as a motivational speaker. I like the psycology of it. |
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| Author: | The_Enforcer [ Sun Feb 14, 2010 10:18 pm ] |
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Thanks, I do what I can. As an extra twist to emphasise the importance of eye contact you may want to consider this - there are in fact 5 representational systems. - Visual (Sight) - Audiotory (Sounds) - Kinosthetic (Kino, touch) - Olfactory (smell and taste - very rare to be the dominant representational system) - Digital (language) The most common being visual, audio and kino. Understanding a persons dominant system can help you form m ore effective communications with them, and more effectively ellicit and demonstrate value. What has this got to do with eye contact? While it is difficult to discover a persons dominant representational system without talking to them, they do give you clues. For example: People who are overweight are often kino-dominant, because thier strong connection to the the kinosthetic sense makes it harder for them to ignore hunger, and harder for them to workout as thier perception of hunger, and hard work in the gym is heightened by thier connection to this sense. People who are kino-dominant often tilt thier head towards you while breaking eye contact when listening, because they value the audiotory input more than the visual input, though this is a strong indicator it does not definitively prove anything.... I am going to somewhere with this... Visual dominanat people. There are many ways in which visual dominance manisfests, but most importantly they include a strong self-perception and strong emphasis on personal apperances as well as a strong ability to take in information about others based on physical signs and body language. Sound familiar? This is your typical HB. Many HB's built up such a fantastic alluring image because they are more reliant on their visual representation system than the other 4 and therefore value. This also leads to the heavy emphasis that successful PUA's need to put on body language and (you guessed it) effective eye contact. While none of the representational systems should ever be neglected (we address the auditory with speech speed and tonality, the olfactory with cologne, and everyone knows about the importance of kino) the importance of the visual aspects will be exceptional with many HB's due to the fact that women of beauty often have a dominant visual represntational system and will value your appreciation of, and appeal to this system. This is part on the non-conversational aspect on NLP that was developed to build rapport and comfort in a clinical setting, and with a bit of reading and calibration you canuse to to micro-manage your game and increase your chances just little more. Happy Sarging. |
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| Author: | cold_fire [ Thu Feb 18, 2010 11:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Enforcer, that is one amazing post. I like your explanation, I just learned alot from it. And yes, every once in a while I get caught up in poor eye contact habits, and break my eye contact with people. Yes, even little kids.
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| Author: | Johannes11 [ Sun Jul 25, 2010 4:48 pm ] |
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I did tests of me talking into a video camera to find what kind of talking made me look the best. I would just talk and say random stuff to figure out what worked. In the end, I find that when you maintain eye contact with the camera it gives you a strong, confidant appearance. Every time I averted my eyes it was because I was confused or nervous. Those are two things you do not want to happen to you. I think, the best way to go is to look the other person in the eyes the entire time you are talking to them and always be looking at someone. Use your face to give appropriate facial feedback, smile when they tell a joke, keep mouth slightly open when they are saying something interesting, etc. One important thing though, when you look someone in the eye, it is important to squint just a little bit on the outside part of your eyelids. If you do it too much you'll look like you are trying to see them from far away but just enough gives you a look of an intellectual. This is exactly what all the models do when they are posing for a shoot. It gives this deep look of intelligence, I'm not 100% sure why. I've been trying to become a model and doing photoshoots and this is one trick I almost always use when I'm doing it. |
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| Author: | AverageFrustratedChump [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:05 am ] |
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I've heard that you want to look them in the eye 70% of the time when you're talking but only 30% of the time when they're talking. Is that true? |
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| Author: | abcdef123456 [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:44 am ] |
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What's with over-analysing and making it sound so complicated? Just look people in the eyes when you talk, look away a few times at your surroundings to make sure you don't creep them out... There's no need to give a massive explanation about why people don't give good eye contact. People avoid it because they're scared they might have to say or do something if they get challenged by the woman. That's it. When you hold that eye contact you just seem a lot more confident and genuine. |
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| Author: | Riqueza [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 2:29 pm ] |
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Normally when i am in a good mood (when i am in a bad one i don't look anyone in the eyes (i know this is bad)) i look someone for like 1 or 2 seconds in the eye and then give a blink+little smile at female and kids and a smile to males. They useally open up to it. Just make sure you don't over-look retards in the eyes, they will feel it's intimidating. Riqueza. |
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