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Sex Anxiety - Still a virgin
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Author:  ZackMackDaddyMcClair [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:21 am ]
Post subject:  Sex Anxiety - Still a virgin
I wrote a field report on this but I suppose I can get more help posting it in this section.
Here it is if you do want to read it
just-because-i-was-cute-so-close-to-dev ... 59276.html

I've been in this situation a few times now. I've been trying to figure out exactly why I am getting sex anxiety. I've figured out the two main reasons why.

Firstly, I have performance anxiety. Not that I will end to soon, or even that I will be good at it, I'm just worried about keeping a boner and eventually being able to get off.

Secondly, the fact that I'm still a virgin. I'm worried that she will find out I'm a virgin through my performance, or by her asking/me telling her. The truth is, I don't want her to know that because I believe she will see it as if it has been my choice! (although ironically it has, because I have been playing these mind games with myself). People have a really hard time believing me that I am a virgin because of my lifestyle, and the fact I have had a few girlfriends and have hooked up with numerous girls and not had sex with any one of them. Obviously, why else would I be a virgin if it wasn't my choice? If she finds out I'm a virgin I feel she will not try to have sex with me.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything similar and how they overcame it. Or, if you believe there's something that can help me with overcoming my anxiety.

Thanks,

Zack
Author:  _Manna_ [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:52 am ]
Post subject: 
a virgin named zach mack daddy mcclain?


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Author:  Guidosaurus Wrecks [ Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:08 am ]
Post subject: 
From one virgin to another, I feel you. But you gotta understand its not a big deal, Its only a big deal if you think its a big deal. You don;t have to tell anyone that your a virgin you can keep it a secret, it doesnt matter honestley. People jump to assumptions easily so if people see you as a player they will assume you get some, even if you dont. About your sexual anxiety in bed, just picture this, you can get a boner by thinking about a girl naked, now imagine when you see the girl naked, your dream is coming true and fo sho u will get hard, lol. Stupid thing to worry about. Don't worry everyone loses it eventually, even mystery was a virgin until he was 21.
Author:  Open [ Thu Jan 07, 2010 3:37 am ]
Post subject: 
VIRGINS UNITE!

I'm dealing with the same thing you are, though I haven't read your other post yet. What i'm doing is looking online about ways to chill my anxiety about it. there was this great article i read a few days ago that said something like, just enjoy yourself, and don't worry about performing for her. and make a list of all the reasons why you like her, and why you're there in the first place. Do some searches online. You'll find a lot of info to help you out.
Author:  skypirate1965 [ Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi guys I thought I'd add to this topic.

I'm not a virgin, in fact I'm in my 40s and have a young daughter, however I can really relate to this as I was a virgin until my 30s...yes you read that right. I struggled in my teens and 20s a lot and fell into a marriage which was needy. In my 20s I really contemplated seeing prostitutes and at that time it was illegal in the UK. Anyway the first time I had sex with my ex, afterwards I thought - Is that it? I was quite underwhelmed. How could a thing I'd wanted for about 2 decades be so humdrum.

I wouldn't worry about any sort of performance anxiety. In fact it's almost a post seduction qualifier. If she moans about any possible problem do you really want to stay with her? If she doesn't do anything to help then the same applies. A good partner will be helpful. I cannot stress how important this is. If you get into a relationship with someone critical and unhelpful over sex it hurts a lot.

A few practical tips. If you're going on a date/meet and think it's likely you'll have sex, do not masturbate that day. There's something really embarassing trying to perform when you're physically incapable.

Make sure you're superclean in body and underwear. Sometimes you can unconsciously sabotage yourself by neglecting that and it becomes an excuse to back out.

Always have have condoms/protection ready. It's best to be prepared.This will specially apply if things go quicker than planned.

I suspect you've done this but really look at your childhood and your parents attitude towards sex. I still recall my mother getting pissed off when she found some porn mags one of my brothers had hidden. She burnt them in front of our eyes and said it was sick and disgusting. Stuff like that does have an impact on your life.

Another thing you should do is erase any performance comparison with porn sex. It's all edited and truth be told women get bored and sore being fucked for more than about 15 minutes.

Read lots about non-intercourse sex, women love foreplay and if you love it too then it's hard to stop them. Related to this, learn to love going down on a woman.

Now the controversial piece of advice...this will go against 99.999% of people's attitude on this board as it is considered possibly THE ultimate AFC behaviour...see a prostitute. Seriously if it's legal in your area do it as it will totally demystify sex for you.

Zack, one last point and I'll know it be hard for you to comprehend this...girls do not care if you're a virgin or not. Hey, some will even be turned on by it, in a role reversal kind of way.
Author:  Open [ Mon Jan 11, 2010 6:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Great post sky! Yet one of my attractive friends told me to never let a girl know that I was a virgin. She is one of the select few people I've told. I'm seeing a girl now and she thinks that I'm a stud. Part of that is my fault I guess. I don't see where telling her that I'm a virgin will help the situation. Seems like the opposite will happen

Also, you've put prostitution in a new light for me. I might even consider it now. MAYBE. lol.
Author:  Guidosaurus Wrecks [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 5:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Also, you've put prostitution in a new light for me. I might even consider it now. MAYBE. lol.
The quoted disgusted me tbh. Are most people so insecure about an inconsequential detail that they will do anything to overcome it? Its definatley not worth it. But Open I know where your coming from with the stud angle, my friend today was like "Wait you havent gotten laid yet? You? Your the player." I shrugged it off because that is mearly his perception of me and not who I really am (or is it haha). Dont let the desire for sex overcomplicate and overwhelm your life, you will really hinder any progress in your game and will ruin your social life. Just be yourself, everyone blooms at different times. Didnt mystery say that he was a virgin until he was 21?
Author:  skypirate1965 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Also, you've put prostitution in a new light for me. I might even consider it now. MAYBE. lol.
The quoted disgusted me tbh. Are most people so insecure about an inconsequential detail that they will do anything to overcome it? Its definatley not worth it. But Open I know where your coming from with the stud angle, my friend today was like "Wait you havent gotten laid yet? You? Your the player." I shrugged it off because that is mearly his perception of me and not who I really am (or is it haha). Dont let the desire for sex overcomplicate and overwhelm your life, you will really hinder any progress in your game and will ruin your social life. Just be yourself, everyone blooms at different times. Didnt mystery say that he was a virgin until he was 21?
I don't know why prostitution really would disgust anyone. It's supply and demand. They offer a service. I think it's the 'paying for it' concept which goes against common consensus. Back years ago when I was utterly oblivious I'd be paying for dates and the like never get anywhere. I could have just cut through all my self delusion of wanting a relationship when I really just wanted sex and paid for it up front. I can imagine a scenario where a guy is keen to learn PU buys loads of material goes on bootcamps and STILL cannot get laid.Look at all the money spent - and result - ZILCH (yes I'm waiting for the predictable response)
Am I saying prostituion is the be all and end all. NO. It's A way. It's an option.

"Dont let the desire for sex overcomplicate and overwhelm your life..." Sorry but SEX is THE biggest drive for people. I strongly suspect that everyone who frequents this forum just wants a relationship where they're holding hands and counting daisies. I am of course being sarcastic.
Author:  Jezebel [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Guys...guyyysss... wait ! You are once again ‚making an elephant out of a fly‘!

Seriously… sex isn’t such a big deal or a drama or whatsoever. It’s actually pretty simple as long as both, you and your partner, benefit from the whole thing.

1st: Even if you have a problem with your erection for a couple of minutes, every woman will understand that and won’t be bothered by it. We might not have penises but we sure do know how do they work and they are also very much controlled by your mind. Many guys think that there’s no equivalent to ‘hard to get hard’ when it comes to women …but there is. For instance a woman can have problems getting wet. There can be millions of reasons for that: stressy day, subconscious reasons that we can’t even think of and of course we just don’t feel turned on by the guy (the last reason is the one that is the least possible in fact, since the girl won’t go to bed with you if she isn’t initially turned on by you…so don’t worry ;) We are all human beings and not so many of us have full control over their bodies, not to mention their minds.

2nd: There’s nothing bad in being a virgin, especially when you are in your early 20s, no one with brains will judge you for that. It is 99% of the time a question of personal choice and that is well known fact. There’s nothing wrong with telling a girl that you are a virgin, in fact most of the times that will make her feel comfortable and closer to you, you are sharing such a personal thing with her, you trust her with your decisions, she might even be very flattered by the fact that you’ve decided that she is the one to lose your virginity to. Also women like to reverse roles sometimes, that kinda situation will directly give her something that doesn’t occur very often – she will be in the position to actually teach you… girls like to be in the role of teachers.

3rd: You should be able to communicate with your partner when it comes to these things. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first time or your 101. In order to get better you need to listen (sometimes that can be communicated on a body language level, especially when you know how to LISTEN to the ladies bodies). And yet again these things don’t depend entirely on how much experience you have, it’s all about how much you are willing to give in the whole situation. If you are a passionate lover and you really want to satisfy your girl and that actually gives you your own satisfaction, that will be rewarded. The worst lovers are those who think too much while they are having sex, that is just distracting you. Sex isn’t just a physical thing, no matter if you are in a relationship or just an ONS.
Whatever you do, sex or just talking or even not talking, you have to enjoy it in order the person you are sharing the moment with to enjoy it too. If you learn to enjoy yourself not only you benefit from it but also your partner.

And my personal advice for all of you out there …when having sex, fall in love with your partner even if it is just a one night thing. Sex is something wonderful, especially If you realize that it isn’t just a physical thing. I hope you get what I am trying to say here.

Cheers
Jez
Author:  Bmitchell1876 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Do you masterbate?? If so how often? Last odd question: Do you feel guilty when you do??

I know these seem like intrusive questions but if you wanna get to the root of it then put it out there....

I promise we will be gentle... (Insert evil laugh)
Author:  Open [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 6:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Do you masterbate?? If so how often? Last odd question: Do you feel guilty when you do??

I know these seem like intrusive questions but if you wanna get to the root of it then put it out there....

I promise we will be gentle... (Insert evil laugh)
Only if i do it more than once a week. If not no issues here.

That was a great post Jezebel. I think I'm going to tell the girl I'm with that I'm a virgin. But only if it the fact of performing keeps giving me unwanted nerves, which I think it still is.
Author:  zetek [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 9:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tell her. I've been hiding that I'm a virgin all my life, and it led to:

-making only superficial friendships, not letting anyone close, and just avoiding people altogether (what if they find out)

Of course I did not bother approaching girls either, kinda convinced myself that I have approach and social anxiety. And I just realized that I don't. At least it's not that bad.

Long story short, two weeks ago I told a girl about it (on msn). The very next day she wanted to meet me, and man, it felt great to have an honest conversation.

So the point is, the truth will set you free. And it's not even a big of a deal as we think.
Author:  Open [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 2:41 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Tell her. I've been hiding that I'm a virgin all my life, and it led to:

-making only superficial friendships, not letting anyone close, and just avoiding people altogether (what if they find out)

Of course I did not bother approaching girls either, kinda convinced myself that I have approach and social anxiety. And I just realized that I don't. At least it's not that bad.

Long story short, two weeks ago I told a girl about it (on msn). The very next day she wanted to meet me, and man, it felt great to have an honest conversation.

So the point is, the truth will set you free. And it's not even a big of a deal as we think.
That's true. the last two people I told were girls I used to be interested in but failed at fully attracting, and it was liberating. At first they said I was lying (I LOVE hearing that. just shows how far I've come :) ), but then they actually gave me a few tips and some deep insight on the girl mind, and how they feel about it.

I can relate to the "what if they find out" thing very well. I believe that I've been avoiding certain people subconsciously for a long time because of that.
Author:  skypirate1965 [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Do you masterbate?? If so how often? Last odd question: Do you feel guilty when you do??

I know these seem like intrusive questions but if you wanna get to the root of it then put it out there....

I promise we will be gentle... (Insert evil laugh)
Only if i do it more than once a week. If not no issues here.

That was a great post Jezebel. I think I'm going to tell the girl I'm with that I'm a virgin. But only if it the fact of performing keeps giving me unwanted nerves, which I think it still is.
It sounds as if you've swallowed the masturbate only once a week nonsense. Don't follow all the PUA 'rules' so blindly. There's a report out recently which basically says if you don't ejaculate a few times a week you'll very likely get prostrate cancer! So abstaining is going to fuck you up.

To be frank if you're male and less than 30 you should be generating so much testosterone that you can easily masturbate a couple of times a day then fuck each day and have loads spare!
Author:  Bmitchell1876 [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Do you masterbate?? If so how often? Last odd question: Do you feel guilty when you do??

I know these seem like intrusive questions but if you wanna get to the root of it then put it out there....

I promise we will be gentle... (Insert evil laugh)
Only if i do it more than once a week. If not no issues here.

That was a great post Jezebel. I think I'm going to tell the girl I'm with that I'm a virgin. But only if it the fact of performing keeps giving me unwanted nerves, which I think it still is.
It sounds as if you've swallowed the masturbate only once a week nonsense. Don't follow all the PUA 'rules' so blindly. There's a report out recently which basically says if you don't ejaculate a few times a week you'll very likely get prostrate cancer! So abstaining is going to fuck you up.

To be frank if you're male and less than 30 you should be generating so much testosterone that you can easily masturbate a couple of times a day then fuck each day and have loads spare!
I tend to agree...if your not real familiar with sex and your only ejaculating once a week then I would say you've got some practicing to do before you start to F* !! Im not kidding... If your in your early twenties and only come once a week then you might wanna have your testosterone levels checked.

Im 33 and have sex 4-8 times a week and I still find time to jack-off a couple times a week...You GOTTA BE FAMILIAR WITH YOURSELF....So join a high quality porn sight (I like "reality kings") and get busy learning how your Dick Works !!

Am I wrong???
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