Is it AA? or is it procrastination?
So you heard about the community for a few months or few years now. You think it will change your life. You start reading more about it. You start using the technique on your female friends and it works. But when it comes to approaching woman in the club or in the street... You are stuck! You thought it is anxiety towards woman. You thought there is something about confidence... so you keep reading more and more on the internet, everyday every hour because you think you will overcome this problem when you know more about it. Or you are waiting for something insightful to appear and break your negative cycle... and time flies then you realize you had wasted a lot of time, is this happening to you? If yes, it is likely that you are not suffering approach anxiety, but procrastination.
What is procrastination? It is the action of not doing something you are suppose to do and do some other things to try to avoid it. Here is some example of procrastination in the field of PUA:
“I will not start before I know everything on earth about picking up woman”
“I am not confident enough so I will try to hypnotize myself with NLP to make myself believe I am superman before I go approach woman”
“I am going to browse PUA forum approaching section so that I can have a lot of knowledge about how to “cure” my AA before I go out”
“(Out on the street 3 hours trying to approach but no result) I am hungry, I will feel better after I have my lunch/dinner/breakfast then I can approach (Another hour pass)”
Sounds familiar?
So why procrastination happens? Procrastination is actually a mechanism in trying to deal with the anxiety of not knowing how to do a certain task. In another word it means you are suffering pain when you try to start a task so your body wants to avoid it and it makes you do something else. Now here is the key part, where did the anxiety come from? I believe this problem comes from “Trying to do things perfect in the first attempt”.
We all agree to a certain extent that PUA is a multi tasking skill, maintaining conversation while looking out for shit test while keeping attraction switch open at the same time keeping yourself as alpha as possible...etc. So what happen is some people wants to perfect them at the first trial and expect to get laid. But we know this is almost next to impossible. Therefore we feel the pressure to be perfect and anxiety comes. The anxiety here is not the type of anxiety of fear to woman, but similar to the one when we don’t want to start off our academic long essays/report. Because we want to perfect it at the first trial.
So here is my approach to this problem:
Since the problem came from a perfectionist side of you. we need to have a few mindset to cope against this problem:
- You have expect that you will fall many times in the process of learning.
- You know you can get the most out of a failure and improve next time.
- You have be happy with failure because that means there is still something you can learn to perfect your skill.
After you have the mindset. You have to set out a plan everytime before you go out sarging (if you procrastinate to do the plan, I can’t help you LOL). The plan could be something like an science experiment:
Aim: To find out reaction of woman when approached directly
Method: Go up to 10 woman and say “I thought you look interesting and I want to come and say hi”.
Things to be focus/remember: The body language of target, the first response of target after the opener. (Keep this around 3 or less or you might suffer anxiety of too much stuff)
The point of the plan is not to make a science report, but to make you focus on what you want to learn and learn it with a focus. In this approach you are not trying to pick up a woman but to improve your pick up skill. So if you get something out of the experience, you win. If you did not find anything interesting, you are probably on another stage of pick up, you win. And you have your anxiety of perfectionist out as well, Its all good.
zhu
note. Not all people have this procrastination problem, this is only one perspective.