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| Approach anxiety After a breakup https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=188784 |
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| Author: | Maradona10 [ Wed Mar 11, 2015 5:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Approach anxiety After a breakup |
hi everyone, First time posting on this board. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and how did you go through it. I had a terrible break up last summer after 2yrs n half we were going to get engaged no need to dive into that, it's over. Since then I have been on plenty of dates but I still have a terrible approach anxiety and a real hard time to make a move for some reason. I did not have this issue in the past at least never this bad I find myself over thinking, asking what ifs, and generally just not really happy on the inside I fake it but I don't know how to get past this and just go for it again Any ideas have you had a similar experience? |
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| Author: | Calum Tingham [ Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Approach anxiety After a breakup |
Maradona10, You just need to approach. That is the only way to get over it. The age-old anxiety process is: 1st approach - Shit Fucking Scared 2nd approach - Fucking Scared 3rd Approach - Shit Scared 4th Approach - Scared 5th Approach - Beginning to feel Okay. You won't feel okay at first, you'll be panicking. They only way to get feeling comfortable is to keep doing it and embrace the fact that fear will always be there. You have to fight it, by doing it. Now go out there and make an approach! C. Tingham |
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| Author: | PatrickAnanda [ Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Approach anxiety After a breakup |
Quote: hi everyone,
Hello brotherFirst time posting on this board. I was just wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and how did you go through it. I had a terrible break up last summer after 2yrs n half we were going to get engaged no need to dive into that, it's over. Since then I have been on plenty of dates but I still have a terrible approach anxiety and a real hard time to make a move for some reason. I did not have this issue in the past at least never this bad I find myself over thinking, asking what ifs, and generally just not really happy on the inside I fake it but I don't know how to get past this and just go for it again Any ideas have you had a similar experience? I feel your pain - I went through something similar a few years back. I can honestly say that by applying the following principles, my life is one incredible adventure. Truly memorable, filled with beautiful people, awesome friends, insane stories and stunning women. How? Simple Simplicity is key. The natural tendency after a breakup is to drown yourself into whatever distraction you can. For some people, they get really fat and depressed and drown in video games. For others, it's pickup that consumes their time and they go on a rampage of women until they burn themselves out. I'm here to tell you that neither path is healthy. A break up seems sad, but it's in fact something to rejoice over. So she wasn't the one... Big deal? All it means is you get the chance to actually find the special one. In the meantime though, here's what you need to do. Emotional management 101 Did you know you can feel good, right now, for absolutely no reason? If you don't believe me, stand up right now, blast 'take on me' by a-ha really loud, sing it at the top of your lungs (even the impossibly high 'I'll... be... yours... in a day or... TWOOOOOOOOo'). Jump up and down, clap your hands - really get into the song. How do you feel now? Pretty great I bet. Feeling that good is not sustainable though, and that's fine. I just needed you to try it out for the sake of argument. What you should aim for instead if a comfortable relaxed state. Meditation helps tremendously. Music plays a big role in it as well. Listen to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De_zJQQVCvM How could you not feel good after listening to that awesome song? Anyway look, my point is that before you go around chasing tail, focus on feeling good. This comes first and foremost. Don't be that guy with a half empty cup begging for a woman to fill it. Instead, be the guy with the overflowing cup of joy that wants to share that shit around before it falls to the floor and goes to waist. Rediscover your manhood pal This is the next logical step. Where do you go from here? I'm about to say something counter-intuitive, and I know most of the keyboard jockeying newbies mega pua master mystery Tyler negging DHVers will choke on their Mountain Dew here but... Do NOT go pick up girls. Whaaaaa? Fuck that shit. Just stop. The reason you feel 'anxiety' is because you are thinking about picking up women. What does that mean? "me me me... what can you do for ME?" No wonder you're terrified - it's the most selfish pursuit on the planet. Your sense of self-worth is directly attached to this. Is it really a surprised that 10 000 morons around the globe suffer from "approach anxiety"? Nah, fuck that shit. We're going to do something radically different. What you're going to do instead is build a lifestyle. You're going to find your passions, you're going to try new things, you're going to do what you love, and you're going to be absorbed in that shit. By absorbed I mean SO absorbed you don't have time to notice that Shelly keeps texting you, or that you had a date scheduled with Sabrina. Go on adventures At this point you'll probably already feel amazing, though somewhat lonely - but a bearable loneliness, not a weak neediness. And thats cool. A man has needs. Here's what you do: you go on adventures. Don't go out to pickup. If you get an invite to something, say yes. Be it that dorky girl who invites you to Karaoke night, that awkward guy at work who invites you to one dollar fish taco night, or the cute receptionist inviting you to her yoga class. It's completely irrelevant. If you were invited - you accept. There, you talk to any and everyone. Be friendly, be normal, be real. You'll meet tons of incredible women and it will be effortless. Then, and only then, can you stop a cutie on the street to speak to her. "How do I know this to be true? By looking inside myself" - Tao Te Ching Your fan, Mack |
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| Author: | Black Phantom [ Fri Mar 27, 2015 5:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Approach anxiety After a breakup |
I was in a relationship myself for over 2 years, and then we broke up. When I returned to going out and trying to date again, I felt weird. What you're experiencing right now is not because the girl you were with messed you up, but it's because you forgot what it takes to approach a girl. When it comes to approaching women and feeling approach anxiety, there are couple of guidelines to follow. 1. It's your MIND that is the enemy. Your mind is trying to mess with you with what ifs, and by directing your imagination to all the bad things that can happen. Learn to ignore your mind and do the thing that you want. 2. Your FEAR is not the enemy here. Every single guy on the planet feels fear, and for a good reason. When you feel fear, your body gets more adrenaline, you get more energy, more presence and you'll probably more fun when you're talking with a girl. So don't fight your fear, learn to turn the energy that it produces into your advantage. 3. Step in the shoes of WOMEN. Women don't feel awesomely confident just because they're women. They have all kinds of fears and insecurities that they deal with. They're not perfect, so quit elevating their status to perfect. Understand that they feel nervous about talking to you as well, and then talk with them. You'll see a change in how they respond to you. If you'd like my help with leading you through a process I call AA Cure, then I invite you and anyone reading this to join my test group, where I'm testing this technique for free. Details in my signature. Follow these guidelines, and you'll be on your way. Good luck! |
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