PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

How to regain my confidence?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=183869		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  billup [ Fri Sep 19, 2014 1:34 pm ]
Post subject:  How to regain my confidence?
Alright, so my previous relationship of 4.5 years ended not too long ago, which is one reason I realized I wanted to change my lifestyle to one I know will make me happy. Many arguments and things that were said that have put a huge damper on my current state like "You'll never be the bf I deserve", "Your not a man", etc.

Before her and I, I had NO problem whatsoever going out alone and meeting people. In fact, I used to go out on my own all the time just to get out and chat it up. I used to have a heaping amount of self confidence and felt great about myself, but now when I go out, I feel like a different person. I guess I find myself sitting there thinking of all the bullshit that was said to me before, and now it's having some really adverse affects on how I want to spend my new free time. Alone at home or riding in circles on my motorcycle.

Is there anyone else that has had to overcome something like this, and what did you do to build your confidence where your social anxiety became non-existent? I have no problem talking to bartenders, servers, and people like that, but between going out on a date or even approaching women anymore, I am constantly battling these thoughts.

Any help is greatly appreciated!
Author:  Black Phantom [ Fri Sep 19, 2014 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
A few years back I broke up with my girlfriend, and felt exactly the same. Before I was in a
relationship with her, I was happy and confident to go out and just talk with anyone...but
when we ended, I found myself insecure, shy and very anxious about just talking to people.

There's something that messes with your mind when you're in a relationship for too long, and
that relationship isn't working and you're battling through it.

Anyways, it took me a long time to get back on track. Today I call this going from unconscious
confidence to conscious confidence, where first you were confident but didn't know why - to
a point where you are confident and you know exactly why.

The best way to go about it is instead of building confidence, discover the BLOCKS that
are stopping your confidence today, and then work on removing them.

For example, anxiety and fear are huge blocks. If you can remove them, you'll reclaim a good
chunk of your confidence.

Low opinion of yourself or feeling generally not proud or good about yourself is another, and
if you can regain some of that empowering self-image you had about yourself, you'll take
one step toward your confidence again.

So make a list of the things that are in your way of your confidence, and then start working on
them right now. That's how I've done it.

If you want to deal with anxiety of approaching women, I invite you (And anyone reading
this wanting to try it) to try my new technique that I'm testing right now called AA Cure, which
eliminates your anxiety in about 90 min. Details in the signature.

So I hope you got the point. Recognize what's standing in the way of your confidence, and
then work on eliminating it one by one.
Author:  Mastermind9000 [ Fri Sep 19, 2014 8:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
Get a hair cut, a new shirt and go out man. That's it. You got fed poison and have no recent confidence supporting experience. Just chat up some randoms, have some good interactions, and get back into the groove. If you were that way once, it should come back quickly, but don't put pressure on yourself.
Author:  billup [ Fri Sep 19, 2014 10:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
Quote:
A few years back I broke up with my girlfriend, and felt exactly the same. Before I was in a
relationship with her, I was happy and confident to go out and just talk with anyone...but
when we ended, I found myself insecure, shy and very anxious about just talking to people.

There's something that messes with your mind when you're in a relationship for too long, and
that relationship isn't working and you're battling through it.

Anyways, it took me a long time to get back on track. Today I call this going from unconscious
confidence to conscious confidence, where first you were confident but didn't know why - to
a point where you are confident and you know exactly why.

The best way to go about it is instead of building confidence, discover the BLOCKS that
are stopping your confidence today, and then work on removing them.

For example, anxiety and fear are huge blocks. If you can remove them, you'll reclaim a good
chunk of your confidence.

Low opinion of yourself or feeling generally not proud or good about yourself is another, and
if you can regain some of that empowering self-image you had about yourself, you'll take
one step toward your confidence again.

So make a list of the things that are in your way of your confidence, and then start working on
them right now. That's how I've done it.

If you want to deal with anxiety of approaching women, I invite you (And anyone reading
this wanting to try it) to try my new technique that I'm testing right now called AA Cure, which
eliminates your anxiety in about 90 min. Details in the signature.

So I hope you got the point. Recognize what's standing in the way of your confidence, and
then work on eliminating it one by one.
First, I'd like to thank you for your response, it has helped me think of things in a different light. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through a situation like this. Over the years, certain things have been said that have really taken a toll on my personal outlook, that I've never even considered before, so it's very different.

I bolded the SPAM you made that stood out to me. After being together for so long, my only intention has been to live up to her standards, and the fact I feel she is a narcissist, my goal was to live up to her expectations. I couldn't fulfill them, so when something was wrong, I was chastised for it. Amongst other things she's said about my character, it really put my confidence in a dark hole, and I can't find it now.

I should make a list like you noted. All the things that are in my way, are the things she ingrained in my head over the years of how I was a crappy boyfriend and all that noise. I've been so accustomed to trying to please her, I forgot what most normal human interaction is even like outside of work. It's sad.

I would like to partake in your program, I just feel a little insecure since all of this happened so soon, and I am an utter "noob" to the whole thing. The only thing that might help me right now is a wingman to give me some incentive to push forward and take a risk. Is this an option given my circumstance?
Quote:
Get a hair cut, a new shirt and go out man. That's it. You got fed poison and have no recent confidence supporting experience. Just chat up some randoms, have some good interactions, and get back into the groove. If you were that way once, it should come back quickly, but don't put pressure on yourself.
I get a haircut pretty often, I don't usually look shaggy. Well, with my ex SO I would let my hair get pretty long out of comfort. I think my clothes for going out are pretty sharp. I have a lot of nice button up's from Express that I pair with a nice set of fitting jeans. I do my hair and a spray of cologne for some scent. I think the main problem is like you said, all the poison I've been fed through the years. It's giving me some stage fright that I never had before because of all the negative comments on who I am as a person.

The pressure on myself is way too high, because I know who I am now against who I used to be.
Author:  JackZero [ Sat Sep 20, 2014 4:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
Remember, when she was breaking you down...that was her goal to get you to comply to the behavior that she wanted. I'd be willing to bet that she got what she wanted most of the time by eroding your ego.

Put yourself in a good mindset by remembering who you were before you met her. You were the same guy that got her. Close your eyes and remember what it felt like to be the old you. What's cool is that you have memories to reference. You don't have to read a book, pretend to be, or learn new personality traits in order to do that.
Author:  Mastermind9000 [ Sat Sep 20, 2014 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
Rather than focusing on how you were, think of how you want to be. Having years with a girl, it ending, and you coming to a PUA forum to seek insight would indicate that you are not the same person you were. You are older and more experienced. You have a better vision of who you are and what you want/don't want. Self-awareness will grant you a feeling of power you never had. Reflect on the past, but don't judge or relive it. You live today, and only today. Thinking about the past or the future is what causes you to behave differently than you want. This is your stress, anxiety and disappointment.
Author:  billup [ Mon Sep 22, 2014 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
Great advice, thanks guys. I think you're right, I'm reliving too much, instead of investing my mindframe into what I desire to be today. It probably doesn't help that she is still in my life in certain aspects, somewhat the easily attainable ass and someone to hang out with, but I digress.

I really need to get in tact with myself and remember who I was before "our" stuff went down. I'm thinking if I get out with a good friend or two this weekend, instead of solo, it will help me have some push to think about the now, instead of sitting alone at the bar thinking about the before and what to do differently.
Author:  Vandal PUA [ Sun Oct 19, 2014 7:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to regain my confidence?
I have the same problem. RSD helped me a lot. Do things that will help your confidence, shower and dress nice before you go out (you said you already do this), learn someting new, work out, pick up a sport or a new hobby. All of these will help.

Pickup can be used as a great confidence builder, but it can also diminish it. Good luck!
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/