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Very popular but still not included
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Author:  TheEzuri [ Sun Dec 15, 2013 6:06 am ]
Post subject:  Very popular but still not included
Hey Guys!
I am exchange student from Europe. I came here about 4 months ago and I noticed little problem.

I am going on high school and I am very popular there, every girl and every guy know my name, girls are giggling when they see my, everybody is very friendly etc.
But there is a thing. I don't know how to feel comfortable around new people, I am talkative and social person but only when I know people well, I behave very quietly around new people. Its not awkard quiet, I just listen.
Thing is that I wasnt going hang out with friends so much and spent all time at home doing homework, hanging out with hostfamily son or just being on PC.
Which caused I didnt make any good friends at school. As I said everybody knows me there, but no deeper friends - still after 4 months shy.
Dont you have any ideas how to become comforable with people?
I tried be more enthusiastic which works, but I just cant find same topic of conversation with people.
Yesterday I was on basketball game, I was sitting with host dad on a bench and after 3rd period I went to the student section.
I was chilled at the moment, so it was really natural, I just came there, smiled, step just between two chicks I know, said Hi to people around and it was cool.
I started conversation how are they etc. but after 2 minutes it was quiet. Awkard quiet this time, because I came there as natural, chilled straight between two chicks, so there were probably expectations of leading good conversation and mood around, but instead... silence :D

I noticed that people just dont include me into their parties, actions, hang out etc. So I need to start making friends, but again, when I was hang outing with guy from school couple days ago, it was so awkard first couple minutes after another guy came and then it was okay.

Do you have any ideas? I would be grateful.
Thanks ;)
Author:  Redlight [ Sun Dec 15, 2013 2:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very popular but still not included
Hey man, I had the same shyness/social anxiety problems as a teenager... what changed me to the point of being able to strike a conversation with anybody and having (almost) zero inhibitions was getting a job that required me to be sociable and outgoing... I don't know if this is an option for you, with school and all that, but try to get a part-time/weekend job that puts you in the position to interact with tons of people... I worked the front desk of a hotel, it was my "social MBA"... I was basically relying on my social skills to make money... worked like a charm...
Author:  In$tinct [ Sun Dec 15, 2013 3:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very popular but still not included
Redlight is right on spot here. My friend got past this issue by assembling stupid question forms(I mean... really, really ridiculous forms) And then he proceeded to go out to town and show his BS to people saying he needed it for school. He also applied for a job where he had to distribute leaflets. Basically anything that forces you to interact with people will help, as long as you're focusing on enjoying it.
Author:  CopernicanShift [ Sun Dec 15, 2013 3:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very popular but still not included
Quote:
Redlight is right on spot here. My friend got past this issue by assembling stupid question forms(I mean... really, really ridiculous forms) And then he proceeded to go out to town and show his BS to people saying he needed it for school. He also applied for a job where he had to distribute leaflets. Basically anything that forces you to interact with people will help, as long as you're focusing on enjoying it.
I agree
Author:  Cruces [ Sat Dec 28, 2013 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very popular but still not included
Hi TheEzuri!

I understood that your problem is not the inability to talk to people or real shyness as such, but rather that you lack conversation material or common interests, right? Try joining a club with stuff you care about :)
Author:  TheEzuri [ Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very popular but still not included
Hey Guys, thank you for answers I really appreciate it.

Situation is better than when I made this topic.
I joined wrestling and really try to conversate with guys and girls :D
Author:  osyn [ Tue Dec 31, 2013 1:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very popular but still not included
I had this problem in college. It was caused by a lack of common interests, completely different lifestyle, and a lack of a common background. I found a clique in NYC that I fit in with, and it worked out for me. Everyone just needs to find their niche in life.
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