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How do I stop being invisible to other people?
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Author:  JackArcher [ Sat Dec 14, 2013 5:01 am ]
Post subject:  How do I stop being invisible to other people?
I'm not sure where to begin. But the advice I'm looking for applies to all people not just girls.

I'm a guy born in the UK in his late 30's, of Indian origin and only about 5'4'' tall. I look a good 10 to 15 years younger then I really am so people are always mistaking me for a university student or someone of similar age.

Naturally I'm very outgoing, but I think the way I've been brought up has turned me shy and quiet in some settings. My parents never did anything to boost my confidence and only ever did things to make me less confident in life.

The funny thing is I've also organised a lot of events and when I'm the guy in charge I'm not shy, more confident and the centre of attention, happy to introduce people to each other and frankly I've had several girls ask me out when I'm the organiser but when I'm just another attendee at someone else's event I'm just invisible.

I'm not sure where to go from here.I know when I walk into a room I have no physical presence - people barely notice me. I dress nicely but I don't dress to stand out from the crowd, especially in winter when it's cold I just want to be warm. I know my overall looks aren't a problem because I've seen other Indian guys of similar height that are not good looking at all and have horrible teeth and bad skin but they get invited to parties and things when I don't and I can see part of it is this happy go lucky kind of outward appearance they have.

Somehow I need to project an air of confidence and excitement to get others excited about being with me (during those times when I'm just an attendee and not the organiser).
But I'm not sure how to do that in a social setting.

I do manage to somehow do that in other settings for example weekend events where I have to get up and present infront of a hundred people and be filmed doing it and I've even been on national TV being interviewed so I can turn on the charm and the smiles in some circumstances but find it harder in other situations.

I'm also into photography and from time to time get invited to fashion shows full of models, etc and often have models and would be models messaging me to take their photos. So I don't have confidence problems at all in all situations - just some .. I need to know how to flip that switch in my mind that makes me outgoing and welcoming when I need it most :-)
Author:  oceanx [ Sun Dec 15, 2013 1:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How do I stop being invisible to other people?
I think one reason you tend to have good charisma/charm during the events you host is because the spotlight is on you and the surrounding social proof from that gives you a sort of built-in mojo.

In some ways, this is a shortcut and could be why you are not having similar experiences at others' events.

Try to frame these hosted events in your mind as shortcuts that aren't doing you any good in the long run.

This part is for how not to be invisible to girls: What needs to happen is for you to drop the notion that it has to be an event for you to meet women. Start approaching women. They are literally everywhere. Your skillset is already there as you've stated, but is only being utilized at events: By doing yourself a favor and not relying on a hosted event you can over time develop the skills to charm a girl you meet one on one. I'm guessing it won't take you long to develop this skill if you force yourself to be more social in everyday life.

If force yourself you do this (and you will probably have to FORCE yourself), you will probably find that you have a higher level of confidence and entitlement around women in general without having to rely on the crutch of an event.
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