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Social anxiety
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Author:  Justinas [ Thu Nov 21, 2013 9:10 am ]
Post subject:  Social anxiety
I got kicked in the ass before a week and that was because of the girls, a half year ago i was rude with some girls and their friends heard that, so when i was in the center of the city, her friends saw me and give many punches to my face, so now i wear glasses, not contact lenses and i don't know why, maybe i scared to talk with girls, because i got kicked, but when i driving with a bus, i see pretty girls, because i'm going to university almost everyday and can't talk with them, i know that if i will start conversation nothing bad happen, only some people will see me, but i thinking that that's bad, one of the reasons could be, that these people and girls will se me in the future and will remember what i'm doing, another is, that i will feel very different from others, because in buses, or somewhere else where many people, there's no people who start to talk with somebody.Also i read here that it's ok to talk to everybody, when you are out, not only with girls, but also with guys, but i don't understand that, how you can do that, because every guy will think that i'm gay or something, i thinking from my own side, that if some guy would start to talk with me, i would think, that he wants to rob me, or to do something bad for me.Please help me with this :)
Author:  gingerguy [ Thu Nov 21, 2013 11:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
Quote:
I got kicked in the ass before a week and that was because of the girls, a half year ago i was rude with some girls and their friends heard that, so when i was in the center of the city, her friends saw me and give many punches to my face, so now i wear glasses, not contact lenses and i don't know why, maybe i scared to talk with girls, because i got kicked, but when i driving with a bus, i see pretty girls, because i'm going to university almost everyday and can't talk with them, i know that if i will start conversation nothing bad happen, only some people will see me, but i thinking that that's bad, one of the reasons could be, that these people and girls will se me in the future and will remember what i'm doing, another is, that i will feel very different from others, because in buses, or somewhere else where many people, there's no people who start to talk with somebody.Also i read here that it's ok to talk to everybody, when you are out, not only with girls, but also with guys, but i don't understand that, how you can do that, because every guy will think that i'm gay or something, i thinking from my own side, that if some guy would start to talk with me, i would think, that he wants to rob me, or to do something bad for me.Please help me with this :)
First, I'm not exactly sure what your issue is. It appears to be simply approaching and talking to women. I realize that English is probably not your first language.

Making the first couple cold approaches is very tough. I had a lot of trouble doing it. But then it gets easier and easier and you go on. Eventually you start approaching and know she'll be attracted to you already. I guess that's the biggest thing. Just think that she'll be attracted to you if you approach and don't give a damn what other people are going to think. Live for yourself.
Author:  Justinas [ Fri Nov 22, 2013 9:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
Quote:
Quote:
I got kicked in the ass before a week and that was because of the girls, a half year ago i was rude with some girls and their friends heard that, so when i was in the center of the city, her friends saw me and give many punches to my face, so now i wear glasses, not contact lenses and i don't know why, maybe i scared to talk with girls, because i got kicked, but when i driving with a bus, i see pretty girls, because i'm going to university almost everyday and can't talk with them, i know that if i will start conversation nothing bad happen, only some people will see me, but i thinking that that's bad, one of the reasons could be, that these people and girls will se me in the future and will remember what i'm doing, another is, that i will feel very different from others, because in buses, or somewhere else where many people, there's no people who start to talk with somebody.Also i read here that it's ok to talk to everybody, when you are out, not only with girls, but also with guys, but i don't understand that, how you can do that, because every guy will think that i'm gay or something, i thinking from my own side, that if some guy would start to talk with me, i would think, that he wants to rob me, or to do something bad for me.Please help me with this :)
First, I'm not exactly sure what your issue is. It appears to be simply approaching and talking to women. I realize that English is probably not your first language.

Making the first couple cold approaches is very tough. I had a lot of trouble doing it. But then it gets easier and easier and you go on. Eventually you start approaching and know she'll be attracted to you already. I guess that's the biggest thing. Just think that she'll be attracted to you if you approach and don't give a damn what other people are going to think. Live for yourself.
Yes, it's second language.But look, if i approach a women thinking like that and she reacts opposite, this will lower my self esteem i think, or not?
Author:  Bruce-Wayne [ Fri Dec 13, 2013 2:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
You sound like you need to get your inner game worked out first. You're right... if she responds poorly to your approach, that'll lower your self-esteem...because it sounds like your self-esteem depends on how she reacts to you. You need to fix this...you need to make it so that your self-esteem is high no matter how she responds.
Author:  DoktorL0ve [ Thu Jan 02, 2014 9:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
Quote:
but i don't understand that, how you can do that, because every guy will think that i'm gay or something, i thinking from my own side, that if some guy would start to talk with me, i would think, that he wants to rob me, or to do something bad for me.Please help me with this :)
i just had to add this,
if that's how you think when a guy starts talking to you in public, you are in the minority. most people don't think that way. people can usually tell if a guy is gay. guys talk to other guys ALL THE TIME. it's not gay. no one is going to think you want to rob them or perform gay rape. in fact, it's so easy to make guy friends. maybe you got this way of thinking from the culture you came from, and if you did, you gotta change that, seriously. for your own good, i'm trying to help you.
Author:  ChrisHaven [ Tue Jan 07, 2014 4:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
Justinas,

The first thing you need to do before you start approaching women, is DEAL WITH YOUR SOCIAL ANXIETY. Nothing will happen in your life socially till you deal with that. Start slow and use "exposure therapy".

For instance- instead of worry about people talking to you, make it a goal to ask 5 girls for the time today.Tomorrow, ask 10 girls for the time.The day after, greet them, or say good morning, ask them for the time and so on and so forth. Decide how you want to progress,but do it at own pace. Eventually, you will be asking girls out.

Get a grip on your social anxiety or yo may end up visiting a therapist later in life.
Author:  AmazingArt [ Thu Jan 09, 2014 7:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
Some of your anxiety is from the past situation from the event that happened to you. So now you're afraid to talk to woman because you think subconsciously the same thing might happen again. If you want to change this you got to change the meaning of the event to you. Right now, you think of the fact that you got kicked was a bad thing, and perhaps it was. But you have to understand the past does not equal the future. Find some good meaning to the event that happened to you. Remember you're in control of your perception, some people are just afraid of believing that and keep convincing themselves that they're not in control. It will take a while but if you do it enough you will improve. Remember it's not gay to talk to other guys. A real leader is not only a leader of woman but a leader of man too. Look at everybody the same, dont judge yourself or other people.
Author:  Sam0101 [ Thu Jan 09, 2014 11:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Social anxiety
You need to stop worrying about what other people think of you. You need to realize what goes through your own mind is what only matters to you, what goes through the minds of others is something that should never concern you. That's how I live and it helps out big time.
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