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| When the group goes quiet.. https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=154757 |
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| Author: | The Mellow [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | When the group goes quiet.. |
Do any of you get anxiety when you sit at a table with a large group of people and everything suddenly goes quiet? I feel some sort of imaginary pressure come around and it makes me drink quickly (if I am drinking). I don't know how to deal with it well at this point, and sometimes I say stupid things in those moments that make me feel more nervous. Essentially trying to relax more socially I suppose. Any advice for this weird dilemma or do any of you suffer/used to suffer from this? |
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| Author: | Homer Simpson [ Sun Jan 13, 2013 6:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
Is this with a set you have opened? |
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| Author: | The Mellow [ Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
Yes, not a very social group of people (there are huge cultural differences here) so sometimes you have to put a lot of work in to starting conversation. |
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| Author: | MuscleyDave [ Mon Jan 14, 2013 9:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
I get what you're talking about. A lot of nerdy guys will probably try and break the ice or something here and point out the silence and be all "Well....this is awkward...." DON'T. Girls can smell the stink of social retard a mile away. I would probably just not say anything and ride it out. It shows the ladies I'm confident enough in myself that I don't need to talk unless I really have something to say and I'm not just a blabbering jabroni babboon like a lot of those nervous guys. |
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| Author: | The Mellow [ Tue Jan 15, 2013 12:17 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
I appreciate your advice Dave. You are right about the social retard thing. It is more of an issue with body language than the urge to speak. Sometimes these pressures make me look at the ground temporarily to escape the SPAM, or at other people for short bursts of time, environment around me, or pretend to read some bullshit on the back of a beer bottle or just think about the next good conversational topic. Just thinking about shit too much I suppose 
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| Author: | puaninja [ Tue Jan 15, 2013 1:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
Plus, your body language during the moment of silence speaks a lot. Are you posturing awkwardly or are you handling the break in conversation like it's a non-event and staying relaxed? |
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| Author: | Foolofswagg5 [ Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
Actually I would in that situation call out the tension. By a simple is this getting awkward or is it just me. Remember the key here is to say it confidently and loud enough that everyone in the group hears you. Yea you are over thinking when it comes down to what to talk about. When you call out the tension it disapates. Everyone in the group feels the tension and if you are able to call it out you look like a boss. Having trouble what to talk about ask someone a genuine question, be interested in the people around you will be amazed at what they have to say. Also i would recommend you getting better at embracing the negative awkward tension its not that hard just focus on your breathing. Peace. Rodrigo |
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| Author: | The Mellow [ Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
In response to puaninja, my posture is relaxed during that moment. It's my eye contact that screams insecurity. I tend to look around a lot or look at the ground to avoid eye contact with members in the group during non-communicative moments. Before last week, I would smoke cigarettes to pass these moments, but I gave those up. At work I hold eye contact longer that 90% of the people I speak with, but in other social settings I sometimes think I'm pressuring people because they look away quite a bit so I am not so piercing with my eyes. In the group setting, especially during quiet moments, that confidence is not present and I don't feel as comfortable unless I'm speaking with someone directly. Not sure why :/ Physically I am relaxed. Mentally I need work. I lean back and slouch a lot except when talking with people sitting close, then I usually lean in to show interest depending on how they react. |
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| Author: | 7000 [ Sat Jan 19, 2013 10:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
In terms of the silence in a group, I think what (if anything) you say is fairly irrelevant. What is important is your body language here. Really it doesn't matter if you sit quietly or if you try to break the silence, as long as you do it confidently and calmly. If staying silent - make it clear that you're comfortable in the silence. If trying to break the silence, don't come across as approval seeking or even as though you're trying to break the silence in order to stop it being awkward. Instead, make a casual comment as though you were still in the middle of a conversation. Just chuck it in casually, "so, (question to someone/brief anecdote etc.)" As for the eye contact - force it. I make a point of continuing to look at someone for a couple of seconds after they've looked away. Don't worry about being penetrating. A lot of it isn't about your eye contact, but about the rest of your expressions. If you stare strongly with a neutral face you may come across threatening. If you're maintaining eye contact but smiling, relaxed and chilled, then it's not going to be "too penetrating", people might just look away because they're nervous themselves. You shouldn't be worrying about other people's insecurities, that's up to them to sort out. |
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| Author: | MuscleyDave [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
Quote: Actually I would in that situation call out the tension. By a simple is this getting awkward or is it just me. Remember the key here is to say it confidently and loud enough that everyone in the group hears you. Yea you are over thinking when it comes down to what to talk about. When you call out the tension it disapates. Everyone in the group feels the tension and if you are able to call it out you look like a boss. Having trouble what to talk about ask someone a genuine question, be interested in the people around you will be amazed at what they have to say. Also i would recommend you getting better at embracing the negative awkward tension its not that hard just focus on your breathing. Peace. Rodrigo
This is a big mistake. If you said "Is it getting awkward or is it just me?" I would say "It's just you...Bozo!" and then laugh and start cuddling up to the girls, who would also be laughing a lot. Sorry if that seems harsh mate but its probably just my dry British wit (I'm English). I definitely think that's what would make me stand out from the crowd though. Hope this can teach you something about confidence and awkward silence, guys. |
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| Author: | 7000 [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
I'm British Dave, and that line isn't 'dry wit'! Needs to be far more subtle to be 'dry'! However, I tend to agree with what you say about calling out the silence. To me, if you make a comment like "is it getting awkward here or is it just me?" it makes you look like the one who is awkward. Whereas if you're comfortable in the silence, or break the silence by starting another conversation in a comfortable manner, it shows you're comfortable with everything and not intimidated by the quiet. |
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| Author: | The Mellow [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 11:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
I like Dave's response. I don't say it's getting awkward, mainly the body language I use sometimes looks overly curious. In these moments 55% is conveyed through posture, 38% voice tonality, 7% words. Why even worry about the words if this is true. |
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| Author: | MavenPhaseshift [ Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
55 38 7 is a scientific theory call moribians rule. Proven and works wonders once you know about it, and how to use it. |
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| Author: | The Mellow [ Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
What is Moribians Rule? I can't find any information on that. |
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| Author: | MavenPhaseshift [ Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: When the group goes quiet.. |
Sorry I spelled it wrong. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian |
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