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Lack of Confidence
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Author:  greekbrazilian [ Sun Sep 16, 2012 2:53 am ]
Post subject:  Lack of Confidence
Yesterday (9/15 - Saturday) a friend of mine called me for a coffee around 9pm with some friends (a couple, 2 guys, an unknown gal, he and me) and after that go to some nightclub for a drink. The SPAM was very good at the cafeteria and the interactivity between us was good as well.

First, we went go a club with Greek Live Music (we call this "bouzoukia") just to have one drink to get warmed up. After that, we went to a night club. Until there I was very confident and with a very high self-esteem. Plus, my intuition was "talking" to me all the time about how to behave and to do things (like approaches, talk to a girl and so on). By the way, it happens to me very often. Usually my intuition is in a high level but today I was very impressed because I've never felt like that before (and I'll never forget that feeling :) ). It was in a SUPER-HIGH LEVEL. Didn't expect this :)

A little bit later, I spot a 3-set next to me - and there was my intuition again talking to me. At some point, it said: "Open them. Ask them their opinion about men's dressing (t-shirt vs shirt)". I know, I should follow the 3-sec-rule but I didn't. I wasn't confident anymore for any particular reason. After a few minutes, it talked to me again and said: "Start dancing and without any hesitation go and open them. Go!". I did start dancing and after a few seconds when I started to feel relaxed and was ready to go, BUT... I didn't again.

I was so curious about that. It is the second time it happened to me. How come? Have no idea :(
Have you guys something to recommend?

Every comment, critic and observation will be accepted and very welcomed! :)
Author:  AmazingArt [ Sun Sep 16, 2012 4:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
What you need to do is get a friend with similar interests. Get a friend with whom you go to a bar who will FORCE you to approach girls. All you need is a little push. Also you are afraid to fail things such as "what happens if the girls laugh at me" "maybe they don't want to talk now"" what will I say to them" appear in your brain and it drags you down. You have to understand it's ok to fail. Everyone does even the best macho super handsome guys fail. The difference is they think like this "if I fail who cares the world didn't end nothing happened most probably I will never see this girl again" these thought depresses their approach anxiety. Another good thing to do in your case is to get a friend go to a bar far away from your house where nobody knows you and have a contest with your friend. It's called rejection game. See who can purposely get the most rejections. This will boost your confidence because you will learn how not scary is it to get rejected. Good luck.
Author:  greekbrazilian [ Sun Sep 16, 2012 4:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
First of all, thanks for replying.

Actually, this 'FRIEND' of mine (let's call him "Chris") is a friend with similar interests, but I didn't got this little push from him because he was trying to help another guy who is not confident at all.

At that time, for a second or two, I was thinking: "OK, but how will I proceed the conversation?". Yeah, I know that this a fear too, a fear of "being stuck" and "having-nothing-to-say".
Quote:
Another good thing to do in your case is to get a friend go to a bar far away from your house where nobody knows you and have a contest with your friend. It's called rejection game. See who can purposely get the most rejections. This will boost your confidence because you will learn how not scary is it to get rejected.
Sounds good to me.

Anyway, next time I was thinking to do it by my own. Yes, go out ALONE!
What do you guys have to say about that? :)
Author:  AmazingArt [ Sun Sep 16, 2012 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
I wouldn't suggest to go alone. At least until you get your game really good.
Author:  greekbrazilian [ Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I wouldn't suggest to go alone. At least until you get your game really good.
Understood. Any particular reason?
Author:  pearlwinselot [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:20 am ]
Post subject: 
well, I suggest you to practice self-hypnosis. This will surely help you to boost up your confidence levels. For that you can also go for Hypnosis Training
Author:  puaninja [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 12:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
That's a classic case of approach anxiety. It's a function of A) fear of rejection, and B) pressure to perform (i.e. carry the conversation all the way through the interaction).

I don't think it matters if you go it alone or not, because you should typically be opening sets by yourself. I opened a 2-set the other night with a wing, it was actually simultaneous. He talked to the one girl as I talked to her friend. But even with him right there, I still had to continually talk myself. I think people are under the impression that if they go in groups, or alone, everything will all of sudden be easy. But it's all a matter of your inner game at that point. Who you are with doesn't change AA or your ability to run a routine on a set.
Author:  greekbrazilian [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 1:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks everyone for replying.

@pearlwinselot: Self-Hypnosis sounds interesting. I'll give it a try. Thanks :)
Quote:
That's a classic case of approach anxiety. It's a function of A) fear of rejection, and B) pressure to perform (i.e. carry the conversation all the way through the interaction).
Frankly, I was never afraid of the option A but, yes, my problem is the option B. May you recommend me anything besides hypnosis?
Author:  puaninja [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 1:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
In order to overcome the pressure to perform you need motivation and energy. The proper motivation will give you the desire to perform. And a high amount of energy will give you the means to perform. Everything from there is just a matter of plugging the right words into the conversation and going through the motions.

Now I have trouble with this too, but you need to do visualizations. Visualize yourself being the life of the party, being the alpha male standing there with the set laughing and joking. Then visualize a big letter E right above your head, or on the wall where you are facing. This represents high ENERGY! So now you have this picture of a really energetic version of yourself being excited and engaging beautiful women....before you even open them. Then once you do open them, you are enacting the vision of yourself you just created, and it then becomes a self-fulfilled reality.

I know, easier said than done.
Author:  gogetter [ Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:55 am ]
Post subject: 
I use this simple technique that have been proven to help build my self confidence today.

Talk to yourself. It sounds crazy but it works. All of us have a running monologue constantly in our heads, whether we realize it or not. Everything we see, hear, or touch sparks off an immediate dialog in our thoughts. As an example, one of my regular sayings is "I like myself, I like myself, I like myself". I just repeat it for a couple of minutes. It sounds cheesy, but it does build my self confidence. – Try it.
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