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Problem Since Break up 2 yr Ago :((
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Author:  Oldskool8726 [ Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:27 am ]
Post subject:  Problem Since Break up 2 yr Ago :((
Hey guys,

After reading several books on different things, confidence, inner game and conversation skills..I came to John Alexander - Alpha Male.
I was Just curious with something. Through to the ages of 17-23, i held all qualities of a alpha male, everything im reading sounded like me.
Since my break up with my ex GF 2years ago, i believe i am acting differently, not engaging in conversation, failing to maintain conversation, and coming across shy/reserved?? I still think about my ex as it was a 6yr relationship - my first true love.

Is this common to be acting like this? I havent felt myself for a while. Like im hiding or keeping my head down from something/or someone ?

Its really getting me down guys.

Any advice/statements or critisicm..

Oldskool
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ahhh, isn't it remarkable how a woman/girl can seemingly suck all of your male powers in even a short relationship!

Truth is it's not them, it's YOU!

You become comfortable, lazy, complacent! 0 effort pussy will do that!

It's kind of like getting back in shape, start with goals you can achieve.
Pushing yourself a little harder each time.

Deliberately putting yourself in situations where you have to be social.

Take the time to introduce yourself to everyone in a social setting!

Hope this helps Bro!
Author:  Oldskool8726 [ Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Its so much of a transformation from me 2+ yrs ago to me now.
I dont feel like the man i was, well infact i aint the man i was.

Whatever i wanted/when i wanted i got. Now its like im pussy footing around girls and shit.

Thanks for the advice, start with goals i can achieve.

Today i have felt abit better, went out to a bar with my friend. Talking to a set, confidence up.

Oldskool
Author:  clearspeak [ Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
The key thing to realize is there is no "man you were." You've always been a complex being with many sides to you. It's just that for years you had those sides arranged in a certain way so the dominant ones were running the show. Relationships have a tendency to rearrange us. So now you have things in a different order.

That's not necessarily bad. Don't fall into the trap of thinking "alpha parts"= good and all other parts are bad. What you really want is a nice balance.

So don't try to get rid of the sensitive sides of you that are there now. Just try to get them a little more in balance with the more dominant sides of you.
Author:  vcwriter [ Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Not everyone will fall off like that. But it's not uncommon either.

Life has ups and downs. For some people, you can lose more than a year of your life. But the good parts of you are still inside. It's just that a bad experience sucks a lot of life out of you. And to make matters worse, you're no longer in the same situations that made you feel good when you were 21. In my experience, the world DOES get more complicated the older you get. Becoming suddenly single can be a strange thing if your whole world has changed, due to leaving college, or being more busy with your career, or whatever.

Realize you still have control over your life. You're doing it right when you start with goals you can achieve. If you once had it, you might surprise yourself at how decent you still are. Just be around people. Don't try. Just get back in that social element and see what happens.
Author:  afc alex 22 [ Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:11 pm ]
Post subject:  I cant relate
I will not blame my gf of one year for my current anti-social habits.. since I did suffer from this in the past, I seem to fluctuate between periods of sociability and then withdraw for months at a time from any social circle...

sucks.
Author:  sika [ Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:26 am ]
Post subject: 
It really takes a good push and to concentrate on it. Im dealing with the same sort of thing at the moment.

like said above. go out. meet people. most are nice. some are awesome.

remind yourself that you are awesome and live up to it, do awesome things.
I tell people Im awesome with full belief. some laugh and its funny most just believe me. when I am on form I am awesome. good times flow.

also watch your inner voice. It can be your greatest defeater. If it is negative as weird as it sounds go somewhere quiet and have a discussion with it.
if it is undermining you and telling you negative things ask it what its purpose is, is it to stop you from failing? is it to keep you safe?
It will under all of that have a positive reason that you can agree on.
then think of a way it can better serve you, Ie positively reinforcing the good points rather than exaggerating the negatives.
offer the option to your inner voice and see if it takes it, If it dusnt ask it why.
work thru the reasons that it gives you, then re-offer your solution. when It excepts it is now on your side. practice it and remind yourself of it frequently.
this makes momentum easy to build and keep high

that was a short cut version of a npl technique that I read last night. It works surprisingly well. the difference between having a positive and negitive inner voice is huge.
Author:  Oldskool8726 [ Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I cant relate
Quote:
I will not blame my gf of one year for my current anti-social habits.. since I did suffer from this in the past, I seem to fluctuate between periods of sociability and then withdraw for months at a time from any social circle...
sucks.
Mate i know how you feel.. This is exactly how i have been feeling above ^^
Quote:
Take the time to introduce yourself to everyone in a social setting!
Cheers man!
Quote:
So don't try to get rid of the sensitive sides of you that are there now. Just try to get them a little more in balance with the more dominant sides of you.
Advice appreciated.

Thanks for all comments, i appreciate them all :)
I will start working on my inner voice/game
I started off with small daily goals, then progressed to weekly goals and monthly goals + it seems to be working alot for me recently as can achieve more as i am trying for more
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