PUA Forum :: Anxiety Increases

Quote:

would having a job where i am forced to interact with lots of women help my AA?

Well, lets put it into perspective.

I mean, sure there will be women at the workplace
wherever you go these days and you will have to interact with them
on a certain level in order to get things done. I don't know if it
will cure your AA fully because you see the same girls everyday,
and over a certain period of time you will get used to
interacting with those women and you'll become
friends with them by doing so. The whole idea
of SD is to keep putting yourself outside
your comfort zone regularly.

If you keep talking
to the same women everyday,
you'll establish comfort with
those girls at the workplace
because your comfortable in that
environment or setting, and when you are comfortable
in that setting that is known as a comfort zone.
The whole idea is to keep meeting new women every
day regularly! Meeting new women regularly is the best
way to get over your fear. SD is all about confronting the
fear on a constant basis.

To me, trying to get over AA at the workplace seems lazy and
not very challenging. Eventually, you will have to move outside
the warmth of office life and meet more people. If you don't,
you'll be stuck in the same position and won't progress.

It's like going to the gym and only focusing on improving
your biceps for a month. You're only focusing on one element in
your goal for success. Don't focus on a single
action and expect the rest to fall in line...
if you want the full package you mustn't
half ass anything, cause in the gym even
if you're lifting isn't good you can mess up
your entire workout. You get what i'm saying?

My advice, get out the office if your serious about getting over AA.

Author:	AFCPG [ Sun Jan 15, 2012 10:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Anxiety Increases
So guys Most of u advice people with AA to ignore it but.... If U ignore anxiety its getting stronger and stronger and even if u ignore it again it starts controlling ur thoughts and u get detached from whats really happening. So what should we actually do? Ya know in real life its different.

Author:	GetFamiliar [ Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:31 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Anxiety Increases
Quote: So guys Most of u advice people with AA to ignore it but.... If U ignore anxiety its getting stronger and stronger and even if u ignore it again it starts controlling ur thoughts and u get detached from whats really happening. So what should we actually do? Ya know in real life its different. I don't believe that you should ignore it. I believe that you should learn more about it. Ask yourself questions like this: "Am I afraid of approaching?" "Why?" "How do other people overcome approach anxiety?"

Author:	Chai [ Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:21 pm ]
Post subject:
It's not really about "ignoring" the problem it's more about 'avoiding' it which I think is the main thing. You know deep inside you want to make that approach but you cant, you then develop all sorts of excuses inside your mind and everything falls apart... you're avoiding the approach because of the "what if's" of the situation if it were to wrong. All of us as human beings have an internal guidance and avoidance system and when we are put into a situation we can either choose to go into fight or flight mode to make our decision. Stand and fight, or run away. When you don't deal with an issue head on, you're not ignoring it, you're avoiding getting into a situation which is not inside your comfort zone / or is not familiar with you. The best way is to just go out in the field and push yourself outside your realm or perception of comfort until that fear no longer controls you. Systematic Desensitization explains this perfectly. The more times you are exposed to a certain thing, the less it will impact on you. Like, if a person has a fear of spiders, and you put them in a room filled with spiders you are exposing them head on with their fear. If the person is exposed everyday to that specific fear and they internally acknowledge that fear can no longer harm them or hold them back...they will gradually overtime be cured. It's the exact same thing with pickup. The more approaches you do, the less likely you are to be afraid to approach overtime. This can be done just be approaching people and asking for directions, this will just help you to internalise what to say when dealing with similar approaches. As you become more comfortable, you move and up talk to better women, you make the routines longer etc...You slowly work you're way up and move away from that constant anxiety you have internalised. Just get out there brother and stop thinking about it so much. The more time you spend inside your head, the harder it is to break out of it.

Author:	Sam Mac [ Sun Jan 22, 2012 5:38 am ]
Post subject:
I like the analogy of desensitisation, do you think this could be applied to pick up? i.e would having a job where i am forced to interact with lots of women help my AA?

Author:	Chai [ Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:57 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: would having a job where i am forced to interact with lots of women help my AA? Well, lets put it into perspective. I mean, sure there will be women at the workplace wherever you go these days and you will have to interact with them on a certain level in order to get things done. I don't know if it will cure your AA fully because you see the same girls everyday, and over a certain period of time you will get used to interacting with those women and you'll become friends with them by doing so. The whole idea of SD is to keep putting yourself outside your comfort zone regularly. If you keep talking to the same women everyday, you'll establish comfort with those girls at the workplace because your comfortable in that environment or setting, and when you are comfortable in that setting that is known as a comfort zone. The whole idea is to keep meeting new women every day regularly! Meeting new women regularly is the best way to get over your fear. SD is all about confronting the fear on a constant basis. To me, trying to get over AA at the workplace seems lazy and not very challenging. Eventually, you will have to move outside the warmth of office life and meet more people. If you don't, you'll be stuck in the same position and won't progress. It's like going to the gym and only focusing on improving your biceps for a month. You're only focusing on one element in your goal for success. Don't focus on a single action and expect the rest to fall in line... if you want the full package you mustn't half ass anything, cause in the gym even if you're lifting isn't good you can mess up your entire workout. You get what i'm saying? My advice, get out the office if your serious about getting over AA.

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Author:	Sam Mac [ Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: would having a job where i am forced to interact with lots of women help my AA? Well, lets put it into perspective. I mean, sure there will be women at the workplace wherever you go these days and you will have to interact with them on a certain level in order to get things done. I don't know if it will cure your AA fully because you see the same girls everyday, and over a certain period of time you will get used to interacting with those women and you'll become friends with them by doing so. The whole idea of SD is to keep putting yourself outside your comfort zone regularly. If you keep talking to the same women everyday, you'll establish comfort with those girls at the workplace because your comfortable in that environment or setting, and when you are comfortable in that setting that is known as a comfort zone. The whole idea is to keep meeting new women every day regularly! Meeting new women regularly is the best way to get over your fear. SD is all about confronting the fear on a constant basis. To me, trying to get over AA at the workplace seems lazy and not very challenging. Eventually, you will have to move outside the warmth of office life and meet more people. If you don't, you'll be stuck in the same position and won't progress. It's like going to the gym and only focusing on improving your biceps for a month. You're only focusing on one element in your goal for success. Don't focus on a single action and expect the rest to fall in line... if you want the full package you mustn't half ass anything, cause in the gym even if you're lifting isn't good you can mess up your entire workout. You get what i'm saying? My advice, get out the office if your serious about getting over AA. I was reffering to a job where i am constantly meeting new women, like clothing retail, as far as going out of comfort zones go i try to go out clubbing 3 times a week minimum, but i find i still have trouble opening is that AA undermining my confidence in set or just a need to work on my openers?

Author:	Chai [ Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: as far as going out of comfort zones go i try to go out clubbing 3 times a week minimum As far as clubbing goes, make an effort to push it to 5 - 6 nights a week. The more you become accustomed to nightlife the better. Get used to meeting more and more people outside the office. Go online and see which clubs/ bars / events are happening in your city and go to them. Subscribe to their RSS newsletters, join their FB pages (if they do that), JOIN A TWITTER FEED! (if they go that far ), make that little extra effort to see what's going on in your town and be ready to go out when you're given the opportunity! I'm subscribed to 3 FB club pages, 2 RSS newsletters and a twitter feed from our celeb DJ working the clubs here, it makes it that much easier to find out whats going on, plus it also doesn't give me much of an option for excuses either. I got an update from my favorite club that their returning on Saturday (6 days) for a mega birthday bash from dusk till dawn! This also gives me time to practice my dancing in advance. As far as my weekends concerned, i'm all set What happens if you hook up with a chick and she wants to goto a club? You might be clueless because you don't know where to go! Worst comes to worst you'll be stuck at home with her or she'll get bored and leave. Be prepared! Quote: i find i still have trouble opening is that AA undermining my confidence in set or just a need to work on my openers? If you have AA, don't go to clubs and try to pickup girls as of yet, the last thing you want to do is rock up at the club and hope you can magically get over your AA the second you rock up...and you decide to finally go into a set...and you crash and burn. That now ruins your night out and just serves as bad memories in the future. Trust me brother, I've done that before and although I didn't get rejected, I just fucked up badly in set. The very very first time I went to a club, I saw these 2 gorgeous girls (both 9's) sitting down outside. At the time I was very into Mystery Method so I thought i'd give it a try. Remember, I was still pretty socially awkward and had more AA back then (this was like 4 or 3 years ago). I go over, sit next to one of them...Here's how it went down. Me:- "Hey guys...do you know where any good looking girls are?" Girl 1:- "Their over there..." pointing me in the general direction Me:- "Ok thanks. By the way...are you both good friends?" Girl 1:- "Yes, why?" Me:- "There's a little test to really tell " ...and here it comes... Girl 2:- "Does it involve me using shampoo...?" Me:- "Yes! trying to keep cool Do you both use the same shampoo?" Girl 1:- "Some guy just asked us that a few minutes ago..." Girl 2:- "Yeah, nice try dude..." Me:- ":(" Walks away feeling defeated lol After that I realised that until I get over my AA and become confident and congruent in my inner game, I'll start approaching girls in the clubs again haha. See what I mean? You don't to go into a club un-prepared and hope for the best. Work up your inner game and get over the fear of approaching sets. Routines mean nothing if your not confident in your delivery and in yourself. Quote: I was reffering to a job where i am constantly meeting new women, like clothing retail As I said before man, try to move away from hoping your job will resolve the AA situation and relying on it to bring you your daily supply of women. Since you say you're in retail you'll probably be required to help the customer with what she needs right? That's cheating man. There's no challenge or thrill in the approach! "Hi ma'am, do you need any help?" " No thanks I'm fine." No man, that's not a real approach, nor will it get you anywhere nor will it get you over your fear any easier. Since you're working in the store your kind of defeating the purpose of making a real approach. I understand the anxiety your feeling now but working yourself away from the AA, this is just lazy and half effort I'm sorry to say. If you want to see real improvement, when on your lunch break, go and approach women out in the open. Your lunch break is the perfect time to work on your day game for an hour if your working! Since that makes more sense and you're actually working for real approaches, make an effort to cram in 3 simple approaches in that time you're given. 3 Approaches a day for 5 days a week, that's already 15 girls on your own time! Do you now understand how much more meaningful it is now...?

Author:	Donston [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:
For me, when I have AA, I first notice it and accept it. You know that saying "the first step is to admit your problem and accept it." I perceive AA as being stifled. Being stifled is being hesitant and making rationalization not to do anything. So of course you can't just immediately tell you brain to "be confident" or to "be fun", but, there are ways to stimulate your brain to go towards that direction or to un stifle yourself. So what happens when you are stifled or have AA? Most of the time you feel nervous, the opposite of being nervous is being relaxed. Relax by taking deep breaths and be in the moment. Another thing is your voice is not loud enough, so the opposite of being not loud is to be loud. Go chant "AAHHH YOOOOO!" and notice that when you do this in the venue nothing bad will happen. But, you can't half ass this or else someone will see your half ass attempt and try to diss you for it. Or you can try to be silly, if you have a wing man with you you guys can play this game called the mimic game. Where your wingman tells you to imitate an object/animal. Then you'd have to imitate that object/animal (no half assing again) ... of course this is silly as hell and people will look at you ... but the thing is nothing bad will happen and your brain will see this and will un stifle yourself. When you notice that nothing bad will happen of being silly, you will believe that approaching girls will result in nothing bad happening. Basically, be silly and relax and have fun and monitor you AA and notice that you have it. Hoped that helped, Sincerely, Donston

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