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Hey guys, I am a 22yo that has never been on a date, but as of a year ago is when I really started trying to get one. I've always been shy, but I've come out of my shell quite a bit, just not in the department of approaching women I'm attracted to. I'm not trying to be a player, but I'm just trying to get a girlfriend.
A few months ago, I saw a cute girl in the bookstore looking at sci-fi books (which is rare), but instead of approaching, I just stood back and let her get away, and let that awful feeling of unfulfillment return. After that, I got motivated and started doing social exercises such as talking with cashiers (which I've made friends with many), asking random girls for directions, and even giving those girls a compliment afterwards. The problem still remained that the only time I actually approached a girl I liked with the purpose of flirting was at an Apple store almost a year ago, and she was just as shy as me, so it didn't go well, but it sure felt amazing afterwards. I could never break that fear barrier, and I ended up giving up... until now.
Just yesterday, I got up the confidence and motivation to say enough is enough, and started my journey to beat this. I asked a cute girl for directions, made small talk with a store clerk, got approached by a group of girls leaving the mall that gave me their number because they thought I was cute, and then managed to force myself to make a stupid comment about a video game to an attractive girl with the hopes of being rejected, and she looked at me like I was crazy and walked away. It was a ton of fun, and I felt amazing having the confidence to do all that, and thought I had finally overcame it...
Today I went back to the mall with the goal of getting one phone-number, and after walking around for a while, I saw an extremely cute girl sitting by herself, texting and eating a pretzel. I started to think of all the things I could say to her, about who she's texting, what she's eating, something she's wearing, etc. but then I started to get anxious. I was literally fighting with myself in my mind as I just walked in a circle around the area until she finally got up and walked away. I could already feel that feeling of failing to approach starting to build after she started to leave, and I tried to find her, walking down the section she had gone to, but never found her again.
My question is, how do you push yourself past that thin layer of anxiety holding you back? I noticed that when I did have success, it was me moving my legs towards the girl and not caring what my mind thought. My problem is I don't know how to harness that ability, and it seems like when the heat of the moment comes, you're too caught up to think of any techniques you may know. I also don't consider alcohol a technique. I want to be able to approach at any time. Thanks.
If you see someone you want to approach force yourself to start walking over there and give yourself as little time to think as you can. Get into the "habit" by doing this over and over so when you see a girl you like before you know it you are in front of her. A few months ago, I saw a cute girl in the bookstore looking at sci-fi books (which is rare), but instead of approaching, I just stood back and let her get away, and let that awful feeling of unfulfillment return. After that, I got motivated and started doing social exercises such as talking with cashiers (which I've made friends with many), asking random girls for directions, and even giving those girls a compliment afterwards. The problem still remained that the only time I actually approached a girl I liked with the purpose of flirting was at an Apple store almost a year ago, and she was just as shy as me, so it didn't go well, but it sure felt amazing afterwards. I could never break that fear barrier, and I ended up giving up... until now.
Just yesterday, I got up the confidence and motivation to say enough is enough, and started my journey to beat this. I asked a cute girl for directions, made small talk with a store clerk, got approached by a group of girls leaving the mall that gave me their number because they thought I was cute, and then managed to force myself to make a stupid comment about a video game to an attractive girl with the hopes of being rejected, and she looked at me like I was crazy and walked away. It was a ton of fun, and I felt amazing having the confidence to do all that, and thought I had finally overcame it...
Today I went back to the mall with the goal of getting one phone-number, and after walking around for a while, I saw an extremely cute girl sitting by herself, texting and eating a pretzel. I started to think of all the things I could say to her, about who she's texting, what she's eating, something she's wearing, etc. but then I started to get anxious. I was literally fighting with myself in my mind as I just walked in a circle around the area until she finally got up and walked away. I could already feel that feeling of failing to approach starting to build after she started to leave, and I tried to find her, walking down the section she had gone to, but never found her again.
My question is, how do you push yourself past that thin layer of anxiety holding you back? I noticed that when I did have success, it was me moving my legs towards the girl and not caring what my mind thought. My problem is I don't know how to harness that ability, and it seems like when the heat of the moment comes, you're too caught up to think of any techniques you may know. I also don't consider alcohol a technique. I want to be able to approach at any time. Thanks.
It's easy to get in your head and think too much about her, what to say, and everything is. You have to avoid this at all costs you need your head on straight to be current in the moment with what you are going to say. It's too easy to THINK and start making excuses or overanalyzing reasons for not opening. Just see a pretty girl and start walking...
This is why it helps you really learn the material and routines to the point they are almost subconcious thoughts because you need to be able to just pull them out once you get there.
Please don't walk in a circle around the girl...that just looks predatorial. Either approach or don't. The longer you stand there figuring it out the more your value goes down by not approaching, cause subconciously she sees what is going on.
SEE GIRL - START WALKING.... Even if you have to force yourself to think "Left Foot, now right foot" Take a deep breath to clear your mind and start walking. Figure out the rest once you are there. When in doubt, "Hi" is a great opener.
It's okay if you stumble some up front just get use to approaching. Congrats on getting out there and trying stuff.