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Building Confidence
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Author:  Female_AFC [ Mon Nov 21, 2011 12:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Building Confidence
So sometimes I feel socially awkward and shy and stuff, especially when I'm around people I don't know well. It depends though... Other times I feel like a social butterfly and everything just seems to flow. I am not sure why... Perhaps some people are just much easier to talk to, and others are anxiety inducing. So it seems to take me longer than other people to make friends. There have been a few times where I get the impression that certain people really don't like me at first, but they seem to warm up to me after a while... Sometimes I must not make a very good first impression.

Anyway, so apparently the secret to making friends and stuff is being confident... But so because I'm shy and trying to act confident, I think I end up coming across as disinterested or something, because I'll just walk into a room and confidently sit by myself. I do try to smile at people and be approachable and stuff. I guess I should probably try to sit with other people or something. But how do I do that when I don't know people well and I don't want to come across as some unwanted person intruding on their friendship group and being clingy and needy? :/
Author:  casthenova [ Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Be your own person first and foremost. Be able to be alone and know that you've always got yourself.

Secondly, start seeing people for who they really are. See them for their psychology and tap into what they are thinking or who they are.

See, friends are "friends" because they perceive you to have some sort of benefit that they want.

There are very few "true" friends. So social status is being perceived as someone who everyone wants to be around because it will benefit them.

So one of the best ways you can do this is of course be willing to put yourself out there. Stop all the facades, social masks, stupid crap like that. Be friendly to people. If you are in a conversation, vibe with THEM. Don't make it about you. Figure out what makes them tick and then you can reinforce there own personal beliefs about themselves.

For example,

I go up to someone, begin talking to them, and they bring up something about school. I can tell they are worried about it. So I listen for a while, smile, knod, agree, let them vent. Then I make a statement like, "Don't worry man, you seem to grasp the stuff in class, your going to do well just keep at it."

See here, I analyzed this person and what their main focus is and reinforced it. People often times only remember the feelings you brought out in them rarely anything else. So he felt better, more encouraged. All of sudden I become encouraging.

As far as confidence goes, that's something you have to dig DEEP and figure out for yourself. You also want to replace limiting beliefs. That's key. Many of us have limiting beliefs that at one point were true about ourselves.

It's like an old computer. You have a ton of files and shit on the hard drive, you might not even know. Sometimes, the computer is outdated and you need a new one. So you have to replace that old hardware and software. This takes being COMPLETELY honest with yourself, your flaws, strengths, failures and then making a serious effort to stop at nothing until you are better.

Keep at it. Just be friendly, outgoing, nice and never criticize anything. That should be a good foundation to being a likable person.

If you want, check out "How to Influence People" by Carnegie.
Author:  Female_AFC [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
I actually have already read that book! It's mostly just all common sense stuff really.

Do you have any advice for how to join a social group when you don't know the people very well and you don't want to come across as being needy and intrusive?
Author:  davidlov [ Mon Dec 26, 2011 10:56 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I actually have already read that book! It's mostly just all common sense stuff really.

Do you have any advice for how to join a social group when you don't know the people very well and you don't want to come across as being needy and intrusive?
dont believe everything you hear question all, how can anybody be better then me? all they do is exist. be yourself, say everything the way you wanna say it and dont try so hard to be cool if there were such a thing. put yourself in other peoples shoes, would they really mean anything they say about you or even care if you were them? work out
Author:  Jay (Majik) [ Thu Dec 29, 2011 6:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
focus more on competence than confidence. think about being on a bike going 80 miles per hour with no helmet... what would you rather have? learn as much as you can. try it in the field. give yourself an hour or so the next day to kind of review the things you did the night before. then do it all over again. it takes practice... just like anything else. if you go into a situation and already know what you are doing and how to respond to social situations the confidence will come naturally. one thing to really keep in mind is the nice thing about modern day society... there are so many people in this world... so many women... if you really fuck up a set at a bar.. you can just go to another bar :) good luck brotha
Author:  40 year old virgins broth [ Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Get Rich, get good looking, get taller, get a great career.

works for those guys...
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