PUA Forum :: Ten Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety

Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety.

Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing.

Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically.

Write Down Your Excuses. Whenever you want to approach but can’t, write down your excuses. Try to eliminate them one at a time. You can even keep them in your pocket as you go out.

Go Out With a Friend. If I go out at night with a friend, he and I sometimes “trade off” opening girls. He does one, then I do one, etc. If you are really determined you can pay your friend $100 and have him pay you $10 every time you do an approach.

Do ‘Warmup’ Sets. If it is during the day, you can ask a few people the time or for directions–it doesn’t even have to be a girl you’re interested in. Just getting your mouth moving helps to you to get “outside your head.” If it’s at night, before you get to the bar, you can ask five different people if a bar is good or if they know any good places for karaoke, etc.

Go To The Same Place Everyday. It helps to be in the same location and get comfortable there. Whether it’s the park or a bookstore or a specific bar, you will feel more at ease if you go there every day.

Get Moving. During the day, I prefer to go out for half an hour than just wait around for anyone I run into. I can prepare myself mentally when I go out. Also, if I don’t open any girls, I am still focusing on pickup and still staying focused.

Walk Toward Hot Girls–Even If You Don’t Open Them. This trains your body to walk toward hot girls. Like the previous tip, Get Moving, it gets your body moving in the correct direction. Sounds funny, I know, but it works!

Stop Reading! There is nothing like real-world experience. You can read all the books in the world about riding a bicycle, but you will not be able to ride one until you get on it and fall off a few times. Too much reading can be counter-productive in a lot of ways.

The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you. However, I have found that the three second rule is a double-edged sword. Just because you see her, and perhaps even your eyes met, doesn’t mean you can’t approach if three seconds pass. You should never rule out an approach.

from: http://approachanxiety.com/?p=30

Quote:

Author:	xfman [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Ten Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety–Right Now!
Quote: Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety. Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing. Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically. Write Down Your Excuses. Whenever you want to approach but can’t, write down your excuses. Try to eliminate them one at a time. You can even keep them in your pocket as you go out. Go Out With a Friend. If I go out at night with a friend, he and I sometimes “trade off” opening girls. He does one, then I do one, etc. If you are really determined you can pay your friend $100 and have him pay you $10 every time you do an approach. Do ‘Warmup’ Sets. If it is during the day, you can ask a few people the time or for directions–it doesn’t even have to be a girl you’re interested in. Just getting your mouth moving helps to you to get “outside your head.” If it’s at night, before you get to the bar, you can ask five different people if a bar is good or if they know any good places for karaoke, etc. Go To The Same Place Everyday. It helps to be in the same location and get comfortable there. Whether it’s the park or a bookstore or a specific bar, you will feel more at ease if you go there every day. Get Moving. During the day, I prefer to go out for half an hour than just wait around for anyone I run into. I can prepare myself mentally when I go out. Also, if I don’t open any girls, I am still focusing on pickup and still staying focused. Walk Toward Hot Girls–Even If You Don’t Open Them. This trains your body to walk toward hot girls. Like the previous tip, Get Moving, it gets your body moving in the correct direction. Sounds funny, I know, but it works! Stop Reading! There is nothing like real-world experience. You can read all the books in the world about riding a bicycle, but you will not be able to ride one until you get on it and fall off a few times. Too much reading can be counter-productive in a lot of ways. The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you. However, I have found that the three second rule is a double-edged sword. Just because you see her, and perhaps even your eyes met, doesn’t mean you can’t approach if three seconds pass. You should never rule out an approach. from: http://approachanxiety.com/?p=30

Author:	JSmooth [ Wed Nov 21, 2007 6:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Great Post
Great Post! Seems like this stuff can never be posted enough, and all of them help. ESPECIALLY - GET OUT THERE AND DO IT! J SMOOTH

Author:	Casual [ Thu Nov 22, 2007 8:12 am ]
Post subject:
great advice, there's probably more I would add but all of this is really true. It really just depends on the person and how we can convince/push OURSELVES to succeed. If repeating a quote to yourself works well, then do it. (ex. "I have nothing to fear but fear itself" or "opening a single set is worth more experience then reading 200 books, I will be saving A LOT of time") If drawing a circle and telling yourself that the second you walk into that circle you transform into Tom Cruise, Mystery, Style, Brad Pitt, etc.. If that works, then do it. If pretending that you're not actually in your body at the time you approach (disorientation) then do it. I tried this when I read some of Descarte's work (the famous philosopher) because he believed that the mind and body was separate from each other. If competition is the only way to go out there and approach women then grab a friend and have him call you a pussy and laugh at you until you do it. Honestly anything works if you just believe and stick with it. Just find what suites you best and stick with it... or try multiple ideas. Inner game is huge, when you figure out what works best... you're thousands of steps ahead of the competition. Add that with your talents/skills/experiences that you can DHV with, your cocky funny attitude, or your alphaness.... and you're set for success. The key is to go out there and make shit happen! "A thousand mile journey begins with a single step"

Author:	The Wild One [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 3:58 am ]
Post subject:
Not bad.

Author:	ChocolateThunder [ Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:59 pm ]
Post subject:
xfman that has to be one of the BEST AA posts I've read. Just getting out there and putting the books down are themselves HUGELY overlooked! The amount of guys with AA who spend all their time looking for that one secret technique or method in a book... They can quote Dawkins or Robbins all day. You need knowledge, no doubt, but you need to put that knowledge to work. You can go to any club in any city in the world and see guys getting action - and none of them have a single method or read a single book on psychology. They're secret? They're out there talking to women!! The trouble is, like guys wanting to be Bruce Lee after a couple of Karate lessons, there's guys who can't get women who get into PU thinking that there's a magic pill that PUA have that gets women to flock to them. They don't realise that whatever method you use, no matter how many books you've read, you've STILL got to talk to women and you STILL have to run the risk of a woman saying "No thanks". If you 'have' AA and the above description fits you, I got to tell you there's no magic pill. Nobody can wave a wand and make the fear go away - we ALL feel it (In fact that's the attraction, the thrill!). Put the books down, put on your lucky underpants, AND SARGE! (Once you've assimilated Xfman's post!)

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Author:	mozyFresh [ Sat Dec 22, 2007 2:13 pm ]
Post subject:
Good post man. There's some stuff that will help with AA that i was gonna post. I'll put it up later. I've found lately that if i feel uncomftable or what not, i just go up an say 'hi', i know what your thinking wtf just say hi? But then i can judge her on her reaction to see if she's open for chat or nice. An if i get a 'what' or 'yeah' or nothing, i just ask her for the time or has 8.00 bus just left. And then i could even carry convo after. But if i get a nice reply i just go into 1 of my openers.

Author:	mozyFresh [ Sat Dec 22, 2007 2:29 pm ]
Post subject:
I forgot to add I do this because there is no pressure, i can back out if i want to, without having to worry about making a dickhead out myself. But this is daygame im talking, i hav'nt done this in the nightclubs yet, cus i go up and talk to anybody and everybody anyway, so this should be easy for me, everybody's just think im more mad than useual.

Author:	ChocolateThunder [ Sat Dec 22, 2007 4:11 pm ]
Post subject:
Good observations mozy. For a lot of guys, a large part of their AA is self induced. You don't HAVE to close. You don't HAVE to approach even, you can just go out and have a good time and chat with hot women (And social proof yourself!). One guy at one of my events was so focussed on the close, I told him to go out and he wasn't ALLOWED to close! If Jessica Alba was there, number in hand, crying because she wanted him so bad, he just had to say 'Nice meeting you' and bail with class and style. Some guys may want to try this if closing is the focus of their AA - your mission is to just socialise. I've done this myself when I just can't be bothered with sarging and it's almost comical when the woman senses you're about to leave and she's getting ready for the number swap - the look of surprise when you don't offer is priceless!

Author:	lennon [ Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:08 am ]
Post subject:	tips
thanks for the tips

Author:	Dempsey [ Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:
I agree with the 3 second rule mostly...but sometimes planning goes a long way...i haven't really got AA so i don;t make up excuses to stop myself approaching..but still it might be a little weird to go bumbling into a convo without aving a proper plan.

Author:	chio [ Fri Jan 11, 2008 1:56 am ]
Post subject:
A good consolidation of what works.

Author:	darkme_legendary [ Mon Jun 09, 2008 10:50 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Ten Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety–Right N
Quote: Quote: Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety. Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing. Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically. Write Down Your Excuses. Whenever you want to approach but can’t, write down your excuses. Try to eliminate them one at a time. You can even keep them in your pocket as you go out. Go Out With a Friend. If I go out at night with a friend, he and I sometimes “trade off” opening girls. He does one, then I do one, etc. If you are really determined you can pay your friend $100 and have him pay you $10 every time you do an approach. Do ‘Warmup’ Sets. If it is during the day, you can ask a few people the time or for directions–it doesn’t even have to be a girl you’re interested in. Just getting your mouth moving helps to you to get “outside your head.” If it’s at night, before you get to the bar, you can ask five different people if a bar is good or if they know any good places for karaoke, etc. Go To The Same Place Everyday. It helps to be in the same location and get comfortable there. Whether it’s the park or a bookstore or a specific bar, you will feel more at ease if you go there every day. Get Moving. During the day, I prefer to go out for half an hour than just wait around for anyone I run into. I can prepare myself mentally when I go out. Also, if I don’t open any girls, I am still focusing on pickup and still staying focused. Walk Toward Hot Girls–Even If You Don’t Open Them. This trains your body to walk toward hot girls. Like the previous tip, Get Moving, it gets your body moving in the correct direction. Sounds funny, I know, but it works! Stop Reading! There is nothing like real-world experience. You can read all the books in the world about riding a bicycle, but you will not be able to ride one until you get on it and fall off a few times. Too much reading can be counter-productive in a lot of ways. The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you. However, I have found that the three second rule is a double-edged sword. Just because you see her, and perhaps even your eyes met, doesn’t mean you can’t approach if three seconds pass. You should never rule out an approach. from: http://approachanxiety.com/?p=30 These tips help to reduce the fear. They are about some instant gratification..not about Totally Destroying It...

Author:	rknrollfanatic67 [ Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:50 am ]
Post subject:
David Deangelo's "Find Your Center" idea is vital to this whole thing, so long as you don't linger, as outlined in the three-second rule.

Author:	Fury [ Sat Aug 16, 2008 4:52 am ]
Post subject:
I really like the paying your friend $100 bit - I think I'm going to use that. Thanks!

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Author:	uhm [ Mon Sep 08, 2008 3:02 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Ten Things You Can Do To Handle Approach Anxiety–Right N
Quote: Quote: Approach anxiety. That incomprehensible fear that overtakes you when you want to go talk to that beautiful woman. Logically you don’t care what happens, but for some reason, your body prevents you from doing it. Here are ten tips to help handle your approach anxiety. Breathe. The ability to relax is at the foundation of being comfortable around women. Remember to take slow, deep breaths when approaching women (and during the interaction as well.) Beyond this, there are different breathing exercises you can do like square breathing and abdominal breathing. Walk Slowly. When you are anxious, your heart races, and slowing everything down is one of the best things you can do to calm yourself. I have found that walking around slowly helps me to calm mentally as well as physically. Write Down Your Excuses. Whenever you want to approach but can’t, write down your excuses. Try to eliminate them one at a time. You can even keep them in your pocket as you go out. Go Out With a Friend. If I go out at night with a friend, he and I sometimes “trade off” opening girls. He does one, then I do one, etc. If you are really determined you can pay your friend $100 and have him pay you $10 every time you do an approach. Do ‘Warmup’ Sets. If it is during the day, you can ask a few people the time or for directions–it doesn’t even have to be a girl you’re interested in. Just getting your mouth moving helps to you to get “outside your head.” If it’s at night, before you get to the bar, you can ask five different people if a bar is good or if they know any good places for karaoke, etc. Go To The Same Place Everyday. It helps to be in the same location and get comfortable there. Whether it’s the park or a bookstore or a specific bar, you will feel more at ease if you go there every day. Get Moving. During the day, I prefer to go out for half an hour than just wait around for anyone I run into. I can prepare myself mentally when I go out. Also, if I don’t open any girls, I am still focusing on pickup and still staying focused. Walk Toward Hot Girls–Even If You Don’t Open Them. This trains your body to walk toward hot girls. Like the previous tip, Get Moving, it gets your body moving in the correct direction. Sounds funny, I know, but it works! Stop Reading! There is nothing like real-world experience. You can read all the books in the world about riding a bicycle, but you will not be able to ride one until you get on it and fall off a few times. Too much reading can be counter-productive in a lot of ways. The 3 Second Rule. This means that you shouldn’t wait more than three seconds to approach a girl. Firstly, the longer you wait, the more anxiety tends to build up. So if you go right away, there is less chance to talk yourself out of it. Secondly, if you “hover” too long, it creeps the girl out. She notices you. However, I have found that the three second rule is a double-edged sword. Just because you see her, and perhaps even your eyes met, doesn’t mean you can’t approach if three seconds pass. You should never rule out an approach. #4 is GOLDEN. If you have a lot of money - try $500 and get 50 for each approach. If you are in high school or fresh out of high school, try $50 and get $5 for every approach. Surely that will motivate you to do it when you have MONEY at stake. If money means nothing to you (as it doesn't to some of my friends who haven't had money growing up and could care less as long as we have our "group") then use something of value. Set an agreement to not get it back until you have completed a certain number of approaches of what your wing considers "respectable HB7+'s) Anybody can go with their money back on ugly old women and kids, so make rules for yourself. I like this idea. I'm going to do it SOON.