Hey J-Dub,
Until I have written 5 entries I will copy the text before I post it so I have a chance to adjust it.
Wanna say that the author says that democracy and equality in the erotic area destroys eroticism, but she does not at all suggest that acting "democratic" and with "equality" outside the erotic domain would diminish eroticism when being in erotic situations.
Remembered, in the book Self-coaching the author writes in the beginning of the book that it is vital for having a fullfilling life to risk feeling what you feel. He writes something like "when you feel what you feel, you will find out if your a monster that will pester the world or you find out that you are a person capable of true intimacy". He argues that knowing this is important.
Very relating to what you wrote is that in the book Mating in captivity the author argues that a major hinder to hot sex in relationships is to be too emotionally close. She argues that eroticism demands emotional distance between the two persons. I'm not sure I rembember but perhaps she suggests some ways for a couple to create more of that distance.
Cheers!
