Asshole is one of the most used words in my vocabulary. It's also almost guaranteed to be accompanied by a set of smiling eyes, and a cocked grin
You very may well have been a little too defensive there bud. In the future, try and keep Aesop's story in mind.
A very large Oak was uprooted by the wind and thrown across a stream. It fell among some Reeds, which it thus addressed: "I wonder how you, who are so light and weak, are not entirely crushed by these strong winds." They replied, "You fight and contend with the wind, and consequently you are destroyed; while we on the contrary bend before the least breath of air, and therefore remain unbroken, and escape.
Morale of the story? Roll the punches off you. Don't try and fight everything, because you can't always win. Proper responses?
-"Wow... Harsh aren't we
" -"Ouch, my ego
" -"You need to watch your *FUCKING* mouth
" (notice you said watch your mouth in conjunction with the word fuck...)-"Well you know what they say. Pussy's get fucked by dicks. Dicks fuck pussy's and asshole's. But assholes... They just shit all over everyone
"-Etc., etc., etc.
P.S. Notice the ":P"... that means you should be PLAYING. Give a C&F grin. Include the :-p in the text. Say Haha, or jk. DO SOMETHING to get the fact you're joking across.