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Ok, you don't pay on the first date....but
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Author:  Brandonjg [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:52 am ]
Post subject:  Ok, you don't pay on the first date....but
how can you make it not be awkward?
whats a good way to tell her about how your not paying for her?
whats a good way to go about it?
any good ideas on a place to go where this wouldnt be an issue?
Author:  Student X [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Perhaps just act like its what you normally do, just don't think about it, if shes got an objection, she'll make one.
Author:  jurupa [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Ok, you don't pay on the first date....but
If you are not going to pay then go dutch.
Author:  antasm [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
why not pay?

Couldn't *not* paying be a DLV? Paying is really only a DLV if the target thinks you're trying to buy them.. but if they think you're a cheap-ass that lowers your S-value.

Assuming you've played the game well, she already in the c-stage. As long as you make paying for the meal "nothing" to you, it shouldn't count against you (social norms help here). Additionally, I like to work it into a DHV. I'll take the check and either smile at it or give a slight laugh - then whip out some bills to cover it (I try not to use plastic). That's especially effective if you're somewhere expensive.

Disclaimer: I'm a n00b. feel free to disagree.

=)
Author:  Infamous110 [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Don't call it a date is a good first step.
Author:  madals [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry, but this is simple.
Depending on ur age there are different reasons for not paying. Although, if u are on a first date girls ARE going to have a picture in their head of whats going to happen (and yes, K and an F close will b floating around in there). They also have a picture of the normal guy pays, he takes my coat etc etc etc. Now, you are different to most men she has dated, u are unique and therefore of value. Yet on a first date if u come across as an arrogant arse or just cheap then her picture of how this date ends changes.

Now, here is the real easy bit. You WILL pay. I ALWAYS pay. I have some money to throw. I dont make a deal of it since its ONLY money. however, when i am paying you have to make her do (or preferably pay for something) for you. Therefore you paying isnt u trying to buy her out or what ever, ur just rewarding her :) I'll use a movie as an example (bad First date idea btw)

while we are at the till:
Me: ok i'll grab the tickets, u sure ur brave enough to watch this *poke* (brave if its a horror, or some other comment just as a little joke)
Her: bla bla bla *poke n giggle*
Me: anyways, pointless us standing in line twice!! go grab us some popcorn and a drink and i'll meet u at X in a sec.

*she goes off. then u meet up*
Me: awww, whoes a good girl *in a voice like ur talking to a young girl or a pet* You have this go fetch thing down to a tric :wink: dont need to put u on a leash do i :P . Well anyways here is ur ticket so lets go!!

Tada, yeah, get the idea right? good boy :) (joking :lol: )
/madals
Author:  Risen [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
What you can do is pay for the first time, but say she needs to get the second time. Or she can buy you some drinks or ice cream...etc
Author:  Patrick_Bateman [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Don't call it a date is a good first step.

He pretty much has it correct. Calling it a "date" is lame. I feel as if a date is dinner and a movie or something. Truth be told, dinners are lame, and especially movies (unless they're at your house under the covers). Do something different, take her somewhere she's never been.
Author:  No.1Stunna [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just joke with her about it, say like "Let's go on a date tomorrow, and you can pay for all my expenses" She'll start laughing and say that's not fair then you say "Ok how about you pay 3/4 of it I'll pay a 1/4." She say "LOL that's still not fair" And then you finally say "Ok fine half and half"

Something along those lines, I suggest doing this on the phone though so it has a greater effect, but that's just me.

Never pay for a date EVER! Unless of course it's a special occasion. You will be put into the provider category in which she will always assume you'll pay for her and go with you to hang out for free. If she does say she doesn't have money (which she is probably lying) cancel the plans, and act like your in charge, and shockingly she'll either call you back sometime in the future or you call her back and she'll say yes next time.
Author:  antasm [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
He pretty much has it correct. Calling it a "date" is lame. I feel as if a date is dinner and a movie or something. Truth be told, dinners are lame, ... Do something different, take her somewhere she's never been
That sounds like the best tactic. I'm not a huge fan of dinners either but I'll do them when it serves my interest. I can't very well go to a $40/plate steak house by myself without feeling totally lame... so I'll suggest it as a date. Self-serving? Yes. Fun? Ridiculously!

Quote:
Never pay for a date EVER! ... You will be put into the provider category in which she will always assume you'll pay for her and go with you to hang out for free.
Don't think that logic follows.. besides being a "provider" is a bit of an S value, I think it's ok to convey that as long as she doesn't see you as an SPAM.

I think the overall agreement is to be very, very prudent about buying a target anything. If done right, it'll DHV, if done wrong it's a huge DLV.
Author:  jurupa [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
He pretty much has it correct. Calling it a "date" is lame. I feel as if a date is dinner and a movie or something. Truth be told, dinners are lame, and especially movies (unless they're at your house under the covers). Do something different, take her somewhere she's never been.
What is wrong with calling it a date? Since its lame to use the word date what word should you use then? Also a date in the traditional sense is a dinner and movie. But not many people seem to follow the old traditional ways anymore. So I don't exactly see the problem with just having dinner and either getting laid or a kiss and going out again.


Quote:
Never pay for a date EVER! Unless of course it's a special occasion. You will be put into the provider category in which she will always assume you'll pay for her and go with you to hang out for free..
You got funny logic there.
Author:  GATA [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Just joke with her about it, say like "Let's go on a date tomorrow, and you can pay for all my expenses" She'll start laughing and say that's not fair then you say "Ok how about you pay 3/4 of it I'll pay a 1/4." She say "LOL that's still not fair" And then you finally say "Ok fine half and half"

Something along those lines, I suggest doing this on the phone though so it has a greater effect, but that's just me.

Never pay for a date EVER! Unless of course it's a special occasion. You will be put into the provider category in which she will always assume you'll pay for her and go with you to hang out for free. If she does say she doesn't have money (which she is probably lying) cancel the plans, and act like your in charge, and shockingly she'll either call you back sometime in the future or you call her back and she'll say yes next time.
Not only do you look like a cheap ass with this argument, you come off as someone who just doesn't want to take care of her.

Every woman wants a man who is content with being her protector/provider.

I agree that you shouldn't comply with her every demand if it gets to that point, but you're still the man.

I live by the philosophy of paying for "needs" while on a date (food, drink, a ride, etc.) and let her pay for her compulsive consumerism (popcorn, jewlery, etc.). That shows that you're still man enough to take care of her without being a total pushover.
Author:  Frenchfries80 [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Pay or not to pay?
Ok... Heres the deal, I just moved out here (NYC) from california and there are ALOT more woman in a much more concentrated area thus, more chances to meet woman.
So heres the deal, I got out here and immediately started going on first dates at about 4 or 5 a week. (This is before I was aware of the PUA community mind you). I dont care who you are but PAYING for 4 or 5 first dates a week gets expensive, thus its just not realistic.(If your game is solid you should be going on multiple dates aswell.) If you are someone whom feels like they have to DHV by making paying for the first date imperative, you had better look at other parts of your game for improvement, cause if you paying for the date is a make it or break it deal for her, she really wasn't that into you anyway.

In response to what some folks said before me, SOME one said that they always pay because after all it is only money. One question.. Is it only money when you run out of it? Whats it become then?

To the guy whom said just look at the bill and laugh or smirk or or what not, that in itself shows you lack confidence and dont under stand the point of being a PUA. If you need to make the girl think that you have a whole lot of money by laughing at the bill, whether you do or not doesn't matter what matters is you're playing it all wrong. You are getting the girl interested for all the wrong reasons, in this case she will expect some sort of financial benefit in the future. If you want to give in to that expectation and be a chump, fine.. If not you are ONLY setting your self up for future disappointment.

By the way I hope you can all tell that im fairly passionate about not paying for reasons beyond what my bank account looks like. So you understand better, Im 19 moved out here from california to model, since then ive been making from 4000-8000 a week.

All in all if you feel like you have to pay to make a good impression, take a step back and look at your game all together

[/list]
Author:  slyder2412 [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm very confused. I've always read and David D pops into my head as may be saying this....NEEEVVEERRRR pay for her. Movies/food/etc. Honestly...i've always said to a girl "i dont have to buy your company".

Mind you...at times i'm not good at keeping it light when i really mean it haha. I'm sure a few of those times i looked pretty fucking serious about it(which i was) but nontheless it should be said with a smile. This is the first time i've seen people in the PUA community say "pay for the first date".

I'm confused.
Author:  Frenchfries80 [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 11:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm very confused. I've always read and David D pops into my head as may be saying this....NEEEVVEERRRR pay for her. Movies/food/etc. Honestly...i've always said to a girl "i dont have to buy your company".

Mind you...at times i'm not good at keeping it light when i really mean it haha. I'm sure a few of those times i looked pretty fucking serious about it(which i was) but nontheless it should be said with a smile. This is the first time i've seen people in the PUA community say "pay for the first date".

I'm confused.
Well put, and thats a good quote" dont need to pay for their company" ima use that.
People are mixing up PUA ways with Old fashioned ways, dont they get that its those old fashioned ways weren't working thus pushed them towards the PUA community in the first place!!
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