PUA Forum :: What is it about me that sucks?

Appreciate the insight guys.

What are your thoughts on a ratio at which I should be succeeding?

I have no problems meeting / getting numbers from attractive women, but utterly fail over the course of one - three dates. Feel like a lot of second place finishes, in addition to the "lack of chemistry" line (but yes, props to her... I have 10 hours invested with another girl, and now she won't even respond to me).

Anyhow, any thoughts on the ratio tipping point where it IS about me and not just about not moving forward with that particular woman?

Any rules of thumb? I am a noob... just got out of a LTR, and getting back into the game.

These last two women (+3 or 4 others that have gone radio silent) have me really freaking down... feel like I am doing something to fail to establish a connection / chemistry.

Sit next to them when you're out with them:

Text message below. I am a noob but how can i seemingly do everything right (in my mind) and still suck?

Hi Larry, got your voicemail. Sorry for the late response. First, lemme say thank you for calling. I'll be honest so we don't waste each other's time. Even though we had a great & fun time at dinner, I didn't necessarily connect with you. On my end there was no chemistry. I truly apologize. You are a great guy, handsome, smart, honest but I'm sure you already know that. We can still hang out/talk if you ever need a friend I'm here but thats what I can offer. Hope you had a great workout & lovely day!

WTF.

I am 41 years old and for the last 20 years, anytime I was out with a girl, my only intentions were to have fun and have sex. Dating and relationships always came from the woman wanting it, the fact that I never shown any desire for anything else is what made the women want it more.

Also, do not be the first to tell your life story, let the woman talk. The more mysterious you can be the better.

There is a reason the words "mystery" and "Intrigue" are often in the same sentence.

Be the challenge, not the needy. Leave the neediness for the women.

Be the riddle she wants to solve.

You guys have something I don't! And it's not initial attraction (I feel like I have lots of that), it is the ability to sustain and enhance attraction over several meetings!

Author:	blah1982 [ Sun Jul 13, 2014 4:46 am ]
Post subject:	What is it about me that sucks?
Text message below. I am a noob but how can i seemingly do everything right (in my mind) and still suck? Hi Larry, got your voicemail. Sorry for the late response. First, lemme say thank you for calling. I'll be honest so we don't waste each other's time. Even though we had a great & fun time at dinner, I didn't necessarily connect with you. On my end there was no chemistry. I truly apologize. You are a great guy, handsome, smart, honest but I'm sure you already know that. We can still hang out/talk if you ever need a friend I'm here but thats what I can offer. Hope you had a great workout & lovely day! WTF.

Author:	Saul Good [ Sun Jul 13, 2014 5:56 am ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
there r 3 types of people in this world. most think they r better than they r some think they r worse than they are, and very rarely you come across people that know exactly how good they are. Some humbleness would do you wonders. As u displayed here u think u r better than u r at game. That girl is clearly not in to you and u should move on. I will need more back story on this to explain "why u suck" though lol

Author:	RedX [ Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Your not gonna gel with every single person you meet, so doesn't mean you necessary "suck" Props to the girl for being honest instead of giving you the run around. If your really worked up about this, I'd ask the girl where things went sideways. You could get invaluable advice.

Author:	Playboi_ [ Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:12 am ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Next. She just wasn't one of them bud. Nothing on your part. She didn't click. You would not have had fun with her down the road anyway. It isn't about hooking EVERY girl you see. It is about hooking compatible ones and having fun.

Author:	blah1982 [ Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Appreciate the insight guys. What are your thoughts on a ratio at which I should be succeeding? I have no problems meeting / getting numbers from attractive women, but utterly fail over the course of one - three dates. Feel like a lot of second place finishes, in addition to the "lack of chemistry" line (but yes, props to her... I have 10 hours invested with another girl, and now she won't even respond to me). Anyhow, any thoughts on the ratio tipping point where it IS about me and not just about not moving forward with that particular woman? Any rules of thumb? I am a noob... just got out of a LTR, and getting back into the game. These last two women (+3 or 4 others that have gone radio silent) have me really freaking down... feel like I am doing something to fail to establish a connection / chemistry.

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Author:	Playboi_ [ Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Quote: Appreciate the insight guys. What are your thoughts on a ratio at which I should be succeeding? I have no problems meeting / getting numbers from attractive women, but utterly fail over the course of one - three dates. Feel like a lot of second place finishes, in addition to the "lack of chemistry" line (but yes, props to her... I have 10 hours invested with another girl, and now she won't even respond to me). Anyhow, any thoughts on the ratio tipping point where it IS about me and not just about not moving forward with that particular woman? Any rules of thumb? I am a noob... just got out of a LTR, and getting back into the game. These last two women (+3 or 4 others that have gone radio silent) have me really freaking down... feel like I am doing something to fail to establish a connection / chemistry. Don't push too fast. These girls have many guys approaching and showing interest. Be the one who shows interest but kicks back and enjoys the ride. Don't make it all clingy and shit.

Author:	blah1982 [ Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Yea, I think that's where I am f**** up. Too clingy and not just enjoying the moment...

Author:	yovanymunoz [ Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
The one who is failing is the girl, and you if those girls arent real and youre just talking to them on the internet. In real life, girls are smarter and pick the right guy faster, id already be with one of those girls already.

Author:	oceanx [ Sun Jul 20, 2014 7:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Sit next to them when you're out with them: It's not a job interview. Generally the girl wants to get laid just as you do. Make it a comfortable, sexy, suave situation next time (Presuming you're initially meeting these girls IRL and not off the net).

Author:	Versalis [ Sun Jul 20, 2014 11:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Quote: Sit next to them when you're out with them: This. And don't just do food. Eating at a restaurant is honestly one of the worst dates you can go on. It's roughly as bad a movie theater. The main reason this didn't work is you didn't get physical enough with this girl. You were either too timid to do so, or else she wasn't having enough fun. Most sticking points on this forum boil down to four things. Not being fun enough, Not being sexual enough, Not leading enough, Viewing women as objects. It sounds like you were surely 1 and 2. No idea on the 3 and 4. Hopefully not 4, as I don't help those guys.

Author:	SexAddict911 [ Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Quote: Text message below. I am a noob but how can i seemingly do everything right (in my mind) and still suck? Hi Larry, got your voicemail. Sorry for the late response. First, lemme say thank you for calling. I'll be honest so we don't waste each other's time. Even though we had a great & fun time at dinner, I didn't necessarily connect with you. On my end there was no chemistry. I truly apologize. You are a great guy, handsome, smart, honest but I'm sure you already know that. We can still hang out/talk if you ever need a friend I'm here but thats what I can offer. Hope you had a great workout & lovely day! WTF. Be more sexual, not neccessarily with your actions, but with your words and demeanor. Im not sure how old you are but I am assuming you are atleast in your 30's or late 20's. Don't go out looking for a girlfriend, just look to have some fun. Women want a challenge, if you are already basically surrendering to them with need, it will ALWAYS be a turn off. I am 41 years old and for the last 20 years, anytime I was out with a girl, my only intentions were to have fun and have sex. Dating and relationships always came from the woman wanting it, the fact that I never shown any desire for anything else is what made the women want it more. Also, do not be the first to tell your life story, let the woman talk. The more mysterious you can be the better. There is a reason the words "mystery" and "Intrigue" are often in the same sentence. Be the challenge, not the needy. Leave the neediness for the women. Be the riddle she wants to solve.

Author:	oceanx [ Mon Jul 21, 2014 2:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Quote: I am 41 years old and for the last 20 years, anytime I was out with a girl, my only intentions were to have fun and have sex. Dating and relationships always came from the woman wanting it, the fact that I never shown any desire for anything else is what made the women want it more. Also, do not be the first to tell your life story, let the woman talk. The more mysterious you can be the better. There is a reason the words "mystery" and "Intrigue" are often in the same sentence. Be the challenge, not the needy. Leave the neediness for the women. Be the riddle she wants to solve. Absolutely GOLDEN advice right there. If every newb to this forum could just read this section they would be light years ahead of most guys out there.

Author:	Bud_Henry [ Wed Jul 23, 2014 4:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
As previously stated, dinner at a restaurant is generally not a good idea. A first "date" should provide opportunities to showcase your personality; sitting at a table in generally calm and quiet environment is pretty restrictive. Of course you can always still go ahead and be loud and obnoxious or get up and dance around, but you'll probably just look a dumbass and get thrown out. If you really must do the food thing, either because you lack imagination or simply she's hungry and it's her idea, there plenty of bar/restaurants that have great food and it's a much more casual, friendly environment. If you want to be loud, nobody cares. While you're waiting for your order and a song you like comes on, get up and dance, hell pull her up with you. Most of those places have dance floors, and better yet, a jukebox. The experience is more important than the venue in this case. If you make it fun, she won't care that you took her to lunch at a bar. And more importantly, you'll have established a memory and a "spot". Next time she passes by or somebody mentions the place, she'll think of you. Or if you're already in/past the comfort stage, cook yourself, or even better, together. I personally prefer her place over mine because women are generally more comfortable in their own environment. Either way, no matter what you choose to do, the point is just have fun and show your personality.

Author:	blah1982 [ Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Thanks for the advice guys. Great stuff. To another poster... yes I am 30 and no I did not meet her online. I don't online date. Always had girlfriends that just sort of "happened." Moved to a new area without much of a social circle after b school and am stuck failing at dating. Hopefully this advice will help... now I need to get my confidence back after several major failures with extremely attractive women, which I think I will spend my whole life kicking myself in the ass over. Hell, I worry I am just not "fun" enough, as one poster put it, and am probably too arrogant. I often just flat out get bored with these women even though I am obsessed with them because they are hot. Pretty ridiculous situation. Maybe I'll just throw in the towel and sit around masturbating for a year or two until I meet someone I "click" with. You guys have something I don't! And it's not initial attraction (I feel like I have lots of that), it is the ability to sustain and enhance attraction over several meetings!

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Author:	oceanx [ Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: What is it about me that sucks?
Quote: You guys have something I don't! And it's not initial attraction (I feel like I have lots of that), it is the ability to sustain and enhance attraction over several meetings! As long as you believe that it will be true. Much better to keep working it and to work out the kinks. Keep posting your sticking points here as you go.