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Before you speak Eye contact
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Author:  slyder2412 [ Wed Mar 05, 2008 9:08 am ]
Post subject:  Before you speak Eye contact
Why the hell do i feel so WRONG with eye contact before i'm actually talking to the girl?

I see her walking down through the trees over there, long hair...seems not too out of proportion, could be hot?

Oh hey sky how are you.....buildings...wow, did you do something to your bricks? ....check out in front of me...i can't see her eyes just yet...hello nothing a few feet above their head...now shift your eyes back from scenario to her eyes to see if she's caught your eyes yet....she has! Hold.....

This is usually how i go about it...and it ALWAYS feels awkward...WHY?!

If i see some hot ass girl walking my way and i'm in line for quizzno's for example ...is it Confident/alpha (the BEST thing) to stare at where her eyes should be...and wait for her to look up at her and give a little smile while holding eye contact?

For some reason i'd feel "inappropriate" doing that, but if everyone's agreement is that is the best way to do things then i'll defiantly change my ways. Thanks for reading and looking forward to the responses!
Author:  bahjah [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah i know exactly what you're talking about.

In my opinion its best to do what you said and just look at her eyes, that'd be much better than looking away and appearing intimidated.

Hope it helps.
Author:  Medic [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:07 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, I'd say that looking is good but do not, I repeat, DO NOT STARE. You will just be a creepy guy who is like all the other guys who she caught staring at her today. Looking too hard can come off, not only as creepy, but as try hard and not confident. Any bonehead can oogle at some hot chick, but the alpha male will look and immediately initiate conversation. You don't need to stare at her, you have plenty of women in your life, their novelty has worn off. With this mindset, you will not appear creepy or needy.

Glance, if your eyes meet, great, but don't wait for her to gaze longingly into your eyes. Glance, she meets eyes with you *open.* You glance, your eyes don't meet, *open.* Either way, open, don't wait to have a staring contest with her.
Author:  Ka [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Slyder you need to "train" yourself to beleive that EC is appropriate (bc it is) and normal (bc it is).

I did this by going to the mall, sometimes with a friend (a girl is better). Get caught up in a convo while you walk along...naturally youll scan ahead as not to walk into people...and hopefully your looking at faces, not feet.

Every time you make EC, with anyone...hold it and smile, not only with your face but with your eyes.

The idea is that you shouldnt feel like you have to look or not look in someones direction...instead you should feel like its your right to look wherever you want.

As Medic pointed out you dont wana stare thats creepy, but you do want EC. Think about it this way...

When you get in a fight, arguement, or someone shoves/bumps into you...do you stare at thier feet? Id hope not. You stare into thier eyes. You dont feel like you shouldnt, you dont even think about not doing it.

Turn this around now for positive interaction, you see a girl in line at a store. She looks at you and you at her and you make EC. You smile to show its friendly and hold it to show your comfortable with it. Your not doing anything worng, in fact you might have made her day.

Do you see how most of it is mentality?
Author:  BillyWhiteSh0es [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
I stare are her eyes with a tractor beam 8)

When she looks at me, I smile. Most of the time they smile back, but you establish yourself as alpha and establish your frame when you don't look away when the girl looks at you.

Now go talk to her.
Author:  KingMidas [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Before you speak Eye contact
Quote:
Why the hell do i feel so WRONG with eye contact before i'm actually talking to the girl?

I see her walking down through the trees over there, long hair...seems not too out of proportion, could be hot?

Oh hey sky how are you.....buildings...wow, did you do something to your bricks? ....check out in front of me...i can't see her eyes just yet...hello nothing a few feet above their head...now shift your eyes back from scenario to her eyes to see if she's caught your eyes yet....she has! Hold.....

This is usually how i go about it...and it ALWAYS feels awkward...WHY?!

If i see some hot ass girl walking my way and i'm in line for quizzno's for example ...is it Confident/alpha (the BEST thing) to stare at where her eyes should be...and wait for her to look up at her and give a little smile while holding eye contact?

For some reason i'd feel "inappropriate" doing that, but if everyone's agreement is that is the best way to do things then i'll defiantly change my ways. Thanks for reading and looking forward to the responses!
The thing that helped me the most in this area was going to the mall and doing the newbie mission... basically say hi to every female that comes within 6 feet of you. After doing this a little while, you will have acquired the experience needed to "calibrate" your facial expression and body language in such a way that makes strangers receptive to you at first glance.
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
You feel inappropriate because you are intimidated. And that all comes down to your mindset, as Ka pointed out.

When you're eyes are darting around trying to look at everything but her eyes, she KNOWS right then and there that she is intimidating you. It's over before you start.

Change your mindset.

Now, it's ok for you to look around, if you're looking because you are AWARE of what's going on around you, and you NEED to look at something or someone because it's of importance, but NOT because you're trying to avoid her eyes. She will know the difference.
Author:  Roads [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 9:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You feel inappropriate because you are intimidated. And that all comes down to your mindset, as Ka pointed out.
Agreed. Just keep going at it with different approaches; relax, breath, go up to her, look her in the eye, and say hi. Do this as many times as needed to feel comfortable with looking people in the eye.

A tip for this exercise: when you look into her eyes, just clear your mind of everything but her eyes. See how beautiful and brilliant they are. Don't even focus on her face, just look straight through her eyes. Be mesmerized. So hi. You shouldn't feel nervous or awkward.
Author:  Juice24 [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, I have the same problem, kinda hard to tell the difference between staring and making EC with some good intentions.
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
That's because those good intentions in your mind need to come out through facial expressions and body language, and then into words.
Author:  Juice24 [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 11:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thats a lil tough tripp... but ill try my best to let my confidence bleed through.
Author:  slyder2412 [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Awesome advice guys! Defiantly made me understand my right to look at what the fuck i want.
Author:  Bedrock [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
I was suggested to hold EC until the other person looks away. Is that true?

If so, what happens if neither of us look away and it just becomes akwardly stretched out?
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
If she maintains EC, you do something to make her break it. Crack a smile, make her laugh, SAY SOMETHING.
Author:  3 hands [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
My 2 cents on eye contact (YOUR NOT GETTING A CENT MORE! MUHAHAHA) Just gaze into her souls (stare at her in moderation) and >>SMILE AT HER<<( note the key word here ''smile''). Just let your eyes convey taht you know eveything there is to know about her and smile at her because you know it, then when YOU FEEL like it walk over and say hi.

I have no idea if this was what you were looking for but I wasn't sure what you meant with all the bricks and the walls and stuff
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