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Telling people i stutter
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Author:  slyder2412 [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 8:00 am ]
Post subject:  Telling people i stutter
hey what's up guys?

I've mentioned on here before that i have had a moderate stutter since i was probably 4 years old. If i had to name the only problem i see in my life is the fact that i stutter.

I'll watch a movie with some alpha in there and know i can fit that roll...confidence builds. I look in the mirror..smile...and i feel good about the way i look...confidence builds. I walk into a party feeling like the shit, walk up to my first set...immediate IOI..confidence builds... and then i start to talk, and stutter.

IOIs go down the shitter, confidence goes down the shitter, i'm now back to a fragile little bitch.

From your experience, thoughts, assumptions....if i walk into a set and say "Hey, you look interesting...i've stuttered since i was 4 so don't think i'm a nervous bitch". How would that go?

I can't see how a disability would be a DLV unless the person had no heart, but it IS qualification or explaining myself to them. An alpha wouldn't care nor feel the need to do this...but a stuttering problem is unfortunately seen as "being nervous/lack of confidence" when in actuality, that's just wrong. So i'm not sure what to think...any thoughts please?

Thank you.
Author:  chio [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 2:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would have fun with it rather than try to be "James Bond" with it. Imagine watching an overly confident James Bond who then breaks into stutter. That's NOT very attractive.

Just be funny with it. "ummmm, I have to tell you something, when I'm around a BEAUTIFUL girl I get so nervous that I . . . St . . . St . . . Stutter".

If it's something you have don't try and hide it. Use it to stand out from the rest.
Author:  slyder2412 [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes, but the point is that i'm NOT nervous. The worst part about stuttering is the fact that people may interpret this as being NERVOUS. So saying something like that is going completely backwards.
Author:  Prez [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
TD tells people to never acknowledge flaws (then again idk how TD is doing right now).
That being said, if it isn't a big deal to you, it won't be to her.
Example: My friend tossed his cookies hard core a couple weekends ago, then proceded to pull a girl to sit on his lap. Some cockblock said, "hey ***** didn't you just throw up?" He smiled and said "whatever man."

He didn't care (probably cause he was shit faced), but because his didn't care, the girl didn't care either.

So I believe the only time you should talk about the stutter is if she brings it up. The best response would be to look her in the eyes and just say confidently "yes, i do" Look for Malvado's routine on youtube about holding hands, he he says "I'm holding your hand" like it was a known fact.
Author:  Ka [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
This will probably not be a deep insight on my part, however i figure its worth mentioning. Not knowing the cause and or remidies you have for your problem, i would suggest trying a speech coach.

Your issue is akin to bad posture, nervous behaviors, anxeity, etc...

Unless it is really 100% "untreatable", i would do what i could to improve on it. I honestly dont know how bad you stutter, or what the cause of it is, but its possible that you might even be able to help yourself with it.

For instance, lets say you maybe stutter an avergae of once a sentance, lets say a sentance is an average of 10 words. Now something alot of PUAs have to get used to is speaking slowly and more clearly, which includes eventually using gaps/periods of silence when speaking to get your point accross.

So maybe practise this with yourself in the mirror or maybe a family member, slow your speech down a bit, and when you feel a stutter comming or maybe you just start to stutter...stop talking, smile (take a deep breathe) and countinue were you left off.

This would be my advice, however keep in mind that this is just as much a part of you as my hair color or some elses complextion. You might be able to modify it, but embrace the core of it. Try to come up with C&F lines that have to do with your speech.

hope this helps.
Author:  TRS [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Yes, but the point is that i'm NOT nervous. The worst part about stuttering is the fact that people may interpret this as being NERVOUS. So saying something like that is going completely backwards.
I think what chio is saying is to imply that you get nervous when you see a beautiful girl in a cocky + funny way. So whenever you stutter during the conversation, the girl thinks it is a game you are playing rather than seeing the stuttering as a "speech disability". When you get the girl hooked, the stuttering won't be a problem.
Author:  Ka [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 6:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
Yes, but the point is that i'm NOT nervous. The worst part about stuttering is the fact that people may interpret this as being NERVOUS. So saying something like that is going completely backwards.
I think what chio is saying is to imply that you get nervous when you see a beautiful girl in a cocky + funny way. So whenever you stutter during the conversation, the girl thinks it is a game you are playing rather than seeing the stuttering as a "speech disability". When you get the girl hooked, the stuttering won't be a problem.
Unfortunatly i dont agree with either TRS or chio...do not admit it as a problem to people. Even though it bothers you it shouldnt, and if you can at least act like it doesnt then others wont notice.

What these guys are recomending is a short term and unstable solution, if you start dateing a girl and are still stuttering a month into the relationship, the 'i stutter around girls" thing will come accross as you trying to hide a disability.

IMO your better off comming up with C&F lines that make it seem like no big deal. Treat it as such, if someone brings it up or asks you about it turn it into a lighthearted and funny convo...maybe even create a DHV story around it.
Author:  slyder2412 [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for all the advice...but this is the exact problem with stuttering.

A stuttering PROBLEM is NOT being NERVOUS. Saying i stutter around pretty girls is LYING b/c i stutter to my mom.

Fixing this is not a solution b/c i've been trying since i was conscious of my own being. I wish stuttering was taught to a wider audience so it isn't seen as such a small thing that can be easily switched on and off.

Not having the ability to be yourself and speak YOUR mind is a HUGE problem. Granted i rather have a stutter than no legs...but not being able to be yourself and speak your thoughts word for word ...can't imagine how painful and frustrating it is.

You have no identity because until you open your mouth ..you're one person, then after a stutter you transform into a different one. Not being able to express one's thoughts is taken for granted by +99% of fluent speakers...whilst us 1% and less will look at the bum with no money but WISH they can speak their mind as fluent as he can.
Author:  Trivial [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 10:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Jeez man tough issue.... All I can say is read the definitive book of body launguage and make sure that is great to make up for the disability.

And also work on inner game and if you stutter who fuking cares what they think.. If they are to immature to not accept you for that then fuk them

But i do know what you mean it comes of as being nervous but if you stay in there long enough they will get the picture that you are not nervous but have a disablity... just make sure your body launguage shows that you are not nervous

hope this helps
Author:  The Doctor [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 11:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Don't think of stuttering as a weakness... the only reason the IOI's disapear is because your confidence does.

Don't think of it as a big deal and girls won't either.

Honestly I wouldn't make it cocky funny... it's just part of you. When you stutter mid conversation, just act like it never happened. Unless they ask you "Did you just stutter?" or something like that... which you should answr as directly and un-upsetly as if she asked you for the time. This will be a DHV to you, showing that you have the confidence to not be upset by her question, and that your different then 99% of the guys in the wolrd who would get upset... and even different then 99% of PUA who would try to play it off. It shows your above both groups confidence wise. Also then you can pause and use this to your advantage by creating a new thread exibiting emotions and passion, which will hook her, and endear her to you much more then before you stuttered.

HB: "Did you just stutter?"
You:"Yes"
*Pause*
You:"I have had a stutter my whole life. It can be very frusterating when you want to say something... but the words refuse to come out right. People often assume a stutter means that your nervious, and thats just not so... but actually I'm thankfull for my stutter because without it I wouldn't have learned to convey my confidence to people in so many other unique ways...(Hook)"
HB: "Like what?"
You: ""Blah blah blah, body language, physical contact, etc etc etc"

turn this around and use it to your andvantage. It will give you an opportunity to convey confidence, passion, and to get her hooked in harder and make her start sarging you!
Author:  Ka [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 11:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Slyder, i completely understand, i wasnt saying that you stutter because you are nervous. I was actually pointing out that if you use that as an excuse you could get caught in a lie later on.

IMO its better off to be upfront, open, and completely forthright with people...because after that you have nothing to hide.

However there is a difference between telling them you have a stuttering problem and explaining it to them.

Like i suggested come up with a positive story related to it, some kind of DHV story that REALLY happened (i always prefer truth to lies). Sometimes the event itself isnt the DHV but how you tell it.

If a speech coach would not help with the issue or you have tried it already to no avail, please try my suggestion. If you have a real natural alpha male in your life to take examples from, pay particular attention to how they speak. I have a freind who is a natural and talks so slow sometimes i feel like i have to finish his sentance for him but dont because im just waiting for him to finish.

My advice still stands, it will not be a cure all but may make your stutters seem more natural. Try to speak slower, more spaced out...when you start to stutter, or feel it comming (idk how it feels when it happens for you), just stop talking. Smile or light kino or look around as if your disintrested (dependant on the situation). Wait, let a little tension build and then give it another try. Practise this either alone or with people your 100% comfortable with.

Hope this helps man, and remember...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

This is part of who you are, it isnt who you are and people that are wroth YOUR time have to be willing to see past that. Good luck man.
Author:  Valence [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Spot on Doc.....



On a side note, are there things that you do that lessen the stuttering? Slow speak pattern?

I had a friend that stuttered. Good friend. It always got worse when he spoke to quickly or was nervous.

When we were kicking back, just hanging out (or had a beer or two in him) he would not stutter.

It sounds like you have given up on getting passed it? Since you were 4? Are you currently attending a speech coach?
Author:  TrojanMan88 [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 2:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Well don't count on bitches to have heart and just except it. But yeah I stutter too, so when I go in I just concentrate on what I'm saying and pause alot between sentences and words (adds suspence and it helps you not stutter) another thing you can do if you stutter a word stop immediately and say something else. BUT you need to coach yourself out of stuttering, there was a famous bball player that did this by just walking up to random people (do this to guys) and just start talking and trying not to stutter.
Author:  BeRhet [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:40 am ]
Post subject: 
I was planning to start a thread about this a while back, but I guess now is a good time for my first post. I'm a relatively severe stutterer and I can say that "speech" is my number one sticking point without a doubt. I have to agree with doc and ka... approaching such a disorder with openness and acceptance is most definitely the way to go. Remember, people can admire someone who radiates positivity (energy and outlook?) out of a place of adversity. There are many ways to "advertise" the fact that you stutter, but when it is brought up in convo, I like to be the one who addresses it... maybe something along the lines of "I find it makes the listener more comfortable when I'm open about it, you know, it's just another way of being honest with people."

Brett
Author:  Ka [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 11:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Personally i have 2 less visable disorders which do drasticlly affect my life, and since they are common (ADHD and Depression), they come up in indirect convo all the time.

If someone makes a comment about ADHD ill actually put them on the spot for a derogotive comment by stateing seriously that i have ADHD. Well after years of therapy and alot of self betterment i have made leaps and bounds in controling my 2 disorders without meds.

Usually i get responses of disbelief (because i dont come accross as either), into which i then go into DHV stories about how its a part of me but alot of times i can use it to my advantage and how i have "trained' myself to overcome it.

As for the meds theyd help all that much more but i cant afford them and have decided not to be a victim of my problems anymore.

Basiclly the reason i do this is to be congruent with my philosophy of being 100% open and straightforeward. If i put myself out there i have nothing to hide. This also makes it very easy (due to my perspectives) to see through peoples bs and incongruencies.
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