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Would you persue a girl with a boyfriend?
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Author:  96Firebird [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 2:42 am ]
Post subject:  Would you persue a girl with a boyfriend?
I have been debating this myself for a while now. Some say survival of the fittest, but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to end a relationship for my own benefits. So I want to get a general opinion amoung the men here. If a girl has a boyfriend, do you attempt to game her?

My most recent case with this situation is one of the girls I've been flirting with at work (don't worry, its not a to-die-for job and I know the risks). She is home for break from college, so she won't be sticking around for long. I've been getting plenty of IOIs from her (asking me to sit next to her on a box at break, continuing convo as it dies, always smiles when I walk by and laughs when I make a stupid face, etc...), but after adding her on Facebook I found out she has a boyfriend. She hadn't told me she had one. So, go for it or stay away?
Author:  Financialwar [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 3:08 am ]
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go for it, just for practice anyway
Author:  The Wild One [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 3:18 am ]
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Last night we had a girl make out with our group of guys with her boyfriend watching. lol
Author:  anutharound [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 8:39 am ]
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Hot girls always have boyfriends. I actually try to help their relationship. I had a guy find out that I was sleeping with his gf once. He walked up to me, and I figured he'd be pissed and try to kick my ass. He shook my hand and thanked me. He told me that his gf had recently become alot more open to him, and that the sex was amazing. Apparently his gf had told him all about me, and how I was counseling her in their relationship. He had actually noticed positive changes in her, and their relationship blossomed soon after. Sure this isn't a normal case scenario, but it did show me that I can actually positively benefit a girls relationship by doing what I'm doing. All I have to have is a truly giving heart.
Author:  Methuselah [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 6:36 pm ]
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9 times out of 10.
Author:  -Fluff- [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:43 pm ]
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If the girl is extremely hot then yes but usually I just leave that alone.
Author:  Rye Lee [ Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:20 pm ]
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Well, the fact that she didn't tell you about her bf, is a huge IOI if you have spent more than a bit of time with her. People talk about their significant others, unless they have reasons not to, which in this case is that she didn't want to scare you off.

My way of determining whether to pursue or not goes like this: If she's in a committed relationship, then I won't go there, but if it's not a committed relationship, then I have no problem with it, because they haven't decided that that person is the one they want to be with, so they're still on the market.

People always ask how you can tell what a committed relationship is and what isn't, so it goes like this: If she doesn't talk about her bf at all, then she's hiding him so that you think she's available and will pursue her, so do it. If she talks about him, but she is always complaining and telling you negative things about him and telling you how much fun you are and how much she enjoys being with you, then she's not committed. If she talks about him, but in a far more positive light than in a negative light, then she's probably committed, but then you have to see whether she flirts back or not, if she does and it isn't just fooling around, she is showing real IOIs, then she's not committed, she just likes him. If she talks about him negatively, but then when you neg him, she starts defending him with random facts in order to make you think that he's a good guy, then she's not really committed, she just wishes she was.
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Tue Jan 01, 2008 12:39 am ]
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I agree completely with Rye on this. A real PUA, not a player, will look at the circumstances around HER particular relationship. You know, you can't even give a general idea of a percentage or anything like that, because all relationships are different. So, you have to look at each one to see if she's WORTH pursuing or not.

In YOUR case, I'd say go for it.
Author:  96Firebird [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 8:54 pm ]
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I don't see what makes my case different, maybe I'm missing something? And Rye, it seems as though from your examples unless she talks about her boyfriend in a positive way, she isn't committed? I'm not sure how long they have been going out or whatever, should I bring him up in conversation or wait until she starts talking about him?
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:00 pm ]
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NO, you DO NOT bring him up on your own. You wait until, and if, she does. We are saying you should go for it because she is giving you IOI's. So, push the envelope and see where it goes. She may just be with him to "be with someone". You never know. That's why my wife was with her b/f before she hooked up with me. Simple as that.
Author:  chio [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:09 pm ]
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There are many girls with multiple boyfriends. If you go after girls without boyfriends then you are lowering the amount of girls you'll have intimate relationships with.
Author:  L.A. Tripp [ Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:17 pm ]
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Quote:
There are many girls with multiple boyfriends.
Just look at Zip. :wink:
Author:  Rye Lee [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:33 am ]
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Quote:
There are many girls with multiple boyfriends. If you go after girls without boyfriends then you are lowering the amount of girls you'll have intimate relationships with.
That's very true.

As for your situation being different, it isn't. It's common. She is open to the possibility of finding a better match, just like probably upwards of 70% of women in relationships (dating and marriage).

She didn't bother to mention her bf to you, for fear of scaring off someone that she thinks fits the profile. YOU'RE a better match and one that she wants to give an opportunity, so don't let it pass you by.

This doesn't mean that it is even necissarily a conscious intention. There are many cases where a girl says that she is happy and convinces herself that she is and that she will continue to be with the guy she's with, even though she's really not happy at all and wants a way out subconsciously. I have no problem "rescuing" those girls, it's what remains of the AFC in me.

Like you said, the only girls that you can bet are in a happy relationship, are the ones that are saying good things about their bfs, mixed with a little bit of normal complaints, but not so much to either side that she's complaining all the time, or that she's saying so much good stuff that it sounds like she's over compensating to convince herself he's "the one". It's definitely not something that you can apply a forumla too, because there are far far too many variables and in the end it all comes down to your own morals and judgements. It's a basic guideline at best, but it's the best I've got.

Like Tripp said, in this case, I'd say that you should go for it.
Author:  TrojanMan88 [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 2:21 am ]
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all the HB1os have girl friends or boy friends its just a fact of life...
Author:  96Firebird [ Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:43 am ]
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Quote:
It's definitely not something that you can apply a forumla too, because there are far far too many variables and in the end it all comes down to your own morals and judgements. It's a basic guideline at best, but it's the best I've got.
I guess thats where I'm at. Its the moral issue, which I will have to deal with myself. Thanks for the input though guys, much appreciated.
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