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Expert question: do you have to count in "circumstances
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Author:  Imar [ Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Expert question: do you have to count in "circumstances"?
Normally I do not have problems with my game. But as it happens, I'm currently having a crush on a girl. I did my usual game, she responded well. But at the last date, I found out she has cold feet to continue. I know the reasons why: she's having having a low point in life and less self-confidence, which makes her think about everything in her life. I never played the nice guy, was very clear about my intentions.

The question is: do I have to incorporate this in my game, or just ignore it? Comforting according to this information, or just give her the necessary push at once?
Author:  Ezo [ Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Everything matters.

This is called calibration, some girls are humorless, some girls are too self aware, some dont speak english, some have a bad period, some are allergic to kittens.

You gonna figure that out and incorporate it into your game.

You gotta be able to adapt and change your game based on the information she gives you, you gotta be ready to drop your awesome plan and come up with a new one immediately, think on your feet.

This is the difference between a master and a regular PUA.
Author:  Imar [ Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Ezo. I'm going along with her "big questions about life" until she's into a more uplifting mood. I did not do that last time, I was way much too direct.
Author:  C1PH3R [ Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
some have a bad period
I thought all periods sucked? ;)



First, if she's in a low spot right now, it might take a while for her to get out.

You can do either of two things. Get out and continue gaming her when she feels good about everything again or you can try to get her to feel good about everything again which is hard but not impossible.

Get her to trust you completely (watch Kezia Noble on 'Deep Connection') and get her to feel good again by loving her the way she is. Only do this if you want her for a LTR, not if you just want to f-close since you will fuck her up even worse if you leave immediatly.
Author:  Imar [ Fri Feb 24, 2012 5:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, I read Kezia and I found confirmation of my initial thoughts. Although the date was akward, it was necessary to give enough sexual hints and not going all the way in talking about her problems. If I tried to ease the situation by just playing the helpful ear, there would not be anything at all. It's a delicate balance between gaming and being open for her troubles. So, actually this is not a bad situation. Tension will be skyhigh in the next encounters and I have the upperhand as I played it very confident. I'm not going to lose her by continuing to play her, because we already established a deep connection. A delicate but very potent situation. The only reason why it was akward, is just because I completely set the tone and she had troubles to switch her mindset. If I can feel her current mood, she's somewhat embarrassed she showed herself that insecure caused by her own actions.

And the goal is LTR. I'm done with screwing around or choosing shallow girls.
Author:  C1PH3R [ Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Good for you. Appreciate you took my advice.
Quote:
If I can feel her current mood, she's somewhat embarrassed she showed herself that insecure caused by her own actions.
That's kinda what you're aiming for. She'll be thinking things like

'Why did I tell him all this? I don't even know him..'

Followed by

'I guess I must like him more than I thought..'



Let us know how it went.
Author:  Imar [ Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Good for you. Appreciate you took my advice.
Quote:
If I can feel her current mood, she's somewhat embarrassed she showed herself that insecure caused by her own actions.
That's kinda what you're aiming for. She'll be thinking things like

'Why did I tell him all this? I don't even know him..'

Followed by

'I guess I must like him more than I thought..'



Let us know how it went.
Indeed. And I already have indirect confirmation. I sent a text message 5 days later, combining one serious sentence with a teasing follow-up letting her know that I was aware of her nervousness. She indirectly admitted it by texting "Well, besides what you sent, I want to let you know yaddayadda." Now she has to play ball or drop the thing completely. Next week we are at the same party, the best situation to game her. Moral of the story: always be straight-forward, you always get the upperhand.
Author:  C1PH3R [ Fri Feb 24, 2012 7:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Moral of the story: always be straight-forward, you always get the upperhand.
Yes. She needs to know you are sexually interested or else it's easy to disappear in the friendzone.
Author:  LEF2226 [ Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Girls tend to behave similarly on a lot of things (especially dating). For example, generally speaking, almost all attraction women respond well to confident, alpha type men. However, you definitely need to take into account context (i.e., the "individual's" personal circumstances, experiences, background, etc.). That's probably the main flaw with most pua theory (other than the fact that pua theory is never subject to empirical test). It treats all women as the same. There's a few theories out there that try to categorize women based on 3 - 4 attributes/personality traits. But, there's no real science behind it.
Author:  Imar [ Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
This time it was calibrating between playing it out in the open and being sensitive. Her last bf was a guy who did some scripted pua stuff, but he failed to give her anything in a relationship. Now she's having the reflex first to look for the "big connection", but I can't give in too much without being suckered into a platonic thing.
Author:  Imar [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, follow-up on that girl. She kept contact but could not make it to a party with a truthful work-related reason. I replied that she has to call me for the next date. Best move?
Author:  kasabi [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:00 am ]
Post subject: 
A few thoughts in no particular order:

1. Not a big fan of forcing people to "jump through the hoop" . . . especially if you have to shift your life even just a little bit. You know you want to call her later . . . but for the sake of the 'game', you told her that she must now call you. You already told us that you're emotionally involved but really . . . the idea is to live your life and have fun. Invite people to join you, if they can't/won't, what can you do? . . . you just live your life.

So the better reply (in my opinion) would have been, "Well, I'll have fun for both of us . . . I'll let you know how it went . . "

2. "I am like this and that because my last boyfriend was this and that" - this is silly. The average person does not shift his/her behavior patterns due to experiences. Characteristics are extremely difficult to shift. If you want proof, read posts of members who've been around for a while and see if their tendencies have changed. Very, very few people can or are willing to change their behavior patterns.

3. Regardless of how she/he achieves it, people who offer you benefits will continue to offer you benefits. People who offer you a pain in the ass will continue to offer you pains in the ass.

4. Are you a mathematician? If not, you should be. You seem to love solving problems.

5. I am curious . . . what is your definition of a 'shallow girl'? I ask because I am assuming that you think of this girl as a 'deep girl'. To me anyways, "shallow" does not equal "simple". Simple is good! I know plenty smart, artistic, professional, progressive people who are simple. In fact, being simple is how they got there.

"Deep" does not equal "Confusing". . . are you understanding me?
Author:  Imar [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
1. We already agreed on having another date. And I fully agree with you. The "problems" around this girl have nothing to do with lack of attraction etc. I'm not in the illusion that I can force her to love me. In that case, I stopped putting effort in her weeks ago. She has to decide if she has enough positive energy to have a date, that was my purpose of giving her the initiative. I'm not going have another date with the same vibe just because she is moody. And I have sent your reply, and I just added "give me a call when you want to continue our party". Nothing more, nothing less.
2. Correct. But not completely in this case. The advantage of my serious talk with her did me realize it has to do with circumstances in this case. She has a "fake happy" crisis, doing or avoiding things in the hope of finding back an emotional stable state of mind. And our story of attraction dates way back before that crisis. It is a temporary thing, otherwise I would again said goodbye weeks ago. So right now, she's paralysed. It happens to everyone, only the timetable of falling back into the old pattern can vary. Does my timing suck ass? Yup, bigtime.
3. True. And I can't say that she's a pain in the ass, she did little things for me and she sent her apologies. Without that, again, goodbye it was.
4. Nope, not really. I'm a very intuitive person. In most of the times, I can perfectly read situations and emotions, good or bad, and act upon them in a more natural way. Why don't I do this now? Very simple, she's doing the same, this is as new for her as it is for me.
5. I try to avoid the real mental cases. Deep = the combination of social awareness, intellectual curiosity and having a distinct personality.
Author:  skills360 [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Expert question: do you have to count in "circumstances"?
Quote:
Normally I do not have problems with my game. But as it happens, I'm currently having a crush on a girl. I did my usual game, she responded well. But at the last date, I found out she has cold feet to continue. I know the reasons why: she's having having a low point in life and less self-confidence, which makes her think about everything in her life. I never played the nice guy, was very clear about my intentions.

The question is: do I have to incorporate this in my game, or just ignore it? Comforting according to this information, or just give her the necessary push at once?
The problem is not the circumstances is your game, i will repeat this and i will sound like a broken record... "i currently having a crush on a girl" this already working against you. "i did my usual game she responded well" did you fuck her? i bet you did not. But at the last date" date=death traditional dating does not work, the reason is the girl will put you into " prospect to be boyfriend application" which will put you under a microscope and will delay sex, the dates i recommend are a party, club,bar, walk at the park or beach, your apt. her apt.m coffee at starbucks, Anything other than traditional dinner/movie or anything that falls in tradition. If after the meet up, second date you have not heavily and i mean heavily escalated, blow job or sex, you will gradually if not immediately fall into the friend zone. Your reasons why she is not wanting to be with you is called "excuses" i would have been you, with the same girl, going into your body i bet i would have fucked her..Finally, fuck the girl first, then if you want ltr work your way backwards always easier that way. I will do later a lay report on a similar girl after a 10 year relationship, keep on the look out.
Author:  Imar [ Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry skills, but your explanation about fucking at 1st/2nd date & friendzone is limited. There is no golden rule about when to fuck them. My LTR's have very different histories: several dates in two months, after two dates in one week, etc. I do not follow a fixed script, my intuition tells me enough. And if there is one thing that I'm not into right now, it is the friendzone.

And no, you couldn't have land her that date. Yes, there was more than enough attraction, tension etc. But she stressed out. And we all fuck up a date by stressing out at one point. Women can do that too.
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