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| Is this DHV story good or bad? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=10789 |
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| Author: | SBoarder9 [ Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Is this DHV story good or bad? |
I would use this after my Superbad/Knocked Up opener (pretty straighforward, I ask which one is their favorite- most girls, NOT ALL, like Knocked Up) - my fav. is Superbad. Here's how it would go: "Idk, maybe I like Superbad because of the circumstances I saw Knocked Up under. I truly believe that SPAM has a lot to do with what people like and dislike. For example, you can see the best fucking band in the world, but if they're playing at a bad venue that is really smoky, crowded and full of drunken middle-aged men, you won't enjoy the concert. It's not the bands fault, it's just the circumstances. So, do you really want to know about it? Alright, get this: My best friends parents rented him out a condo in Vail for him and some friends to celebrate his 18th B-Day. They must totally trust him b/c they left us completely alone. Did they not think we would party it up? Anyway, we were all drinking (some more than others) and we pop in Knocked Up and start watching it; everything is going great. You know that feeling you get when everything is going perfect and you're all warm, relaxed and completely at ease? Well, this was one of those times...for about 20 minutes. In the other room my girlfriend at the time was a little drunk and arguing over the most trivial thing, it was actually pretty funny. So me and my buddy were trying to block them out and watch the movie when all of the sudden I feel a sudden jerk, and realize her arm is around mine like this (place targets arm around yours). She drags me into the other room to settle the score and blurts out, "Do you think Jesus is hot?". Now, this made no sense to me, but I jokingly answered, "Well, if there is anyone to go gay for, it's Jesus". Apparently this wasn't the answer she was looking for and guess how she responds? She dumps her drink *lower voice* all...over...my new shirt. Yeah, a totally appropriate response, right? So you know what I did? Nothing. I just calmly exited the room and finished the movie in my soggy clothes. Needless to say that probably ruined the movie for me. *Transition* What do you guys think, is Jesus Christ hot?" I just need to know if this is a good DHV story. How can I change/improve this DHV story to ensure it just DHV's? Or is it fine the way it is? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! I don't want to use this until I know for sure it won't completely backfire. |
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| Author: | SBoarder9 [ Mon Nov 12, 2007 8:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I know its a pain in the ass to read but please guys, I just need a thumbs up or down; you don't need to analyze it. |
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| Author: | Muse [ Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
No worries dude it wasn't a pain in the ass to read. I think it will actually make a good story. You got me into it and I didn't even hear it in person! I love the line you gave "Well, if there is anyone to go gay for, it's Jesus". That's hilarious to me. However, I think the best way to find out if this is a great story is to test it out. I myself tend to be really open minded...but be wary of the ones who might be offended by it. Some people take religion very seriously as I'm sure you know. I tend to really stay away from talking about religion or politics completely but if you can pull this off with ease then go for it! This sounds like a great transitional story rather than DHV to me. But I say go for it! When you get a chance to use it, post up your results. ~Muse |
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| Author: | L.A. Tripp [ Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Well, my opinion is thumbs down. Too long. If it's a pain in the ass to read, it can't be much better to say. Then, you do have the JC referrences which will affect people in different ways. And for me, I don't think it would SNATCH the girls interest and keep it. But, again, that's my opinion. |
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| Author: | Valence [ Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
There is not any DHV within the story at all. The only thing in it is a DLV because you pissed off the girl. I re-read it and there are a few other DLVs. His parents trusted him (and by proxy, you) and you broke that trust (NOT a DHV) Quote: You know that feeling you get when everything is going perfect and you're all warm, relaxed and completely at ease? Well, this was one of those times...for about 20 minutes.
Are you trying to work in a little NLP within it? Unless you do it correctly, it is not going to have any affect. As soon as you bring in the word 'girlfriend' she will think it is present tense. Better to drop it or refer to it as an 'exgirlfriend'. Quote: Needless to say that probably ruined the movie for me
If it is probably, then it is not needless to say. Are you uncertain of yourself? This is the first thing I thought off when you said it. Is it a real story? I get the impression it is not. There are certainly much better DHV stories that you can come up with that are not real. I am certain there are other 'Real' stories you can think of that are actually DHV. |
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| Author: | SBoarder9 [ Mon Nov 12, 2007 10:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for the feedback guys, I think I'll just scrap it and move on. I just thought of it one night, but I didn't know if it would get the job done. Good thing I posted it here first! |
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| Author: | Muse [ Mon Nov 12, 2007 10:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hehe, I still find it to be a funny story, too bad it's all made up. Oh well! You can officially disregard my advice on this one since I was apparently wrong. Sorry man. |
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