So I was married for the past 2 years and just recently got back into PUA so here's my first usage/encounter using PUA online in 2 years.
ME:
Hey You!
You seem like a one person party or maybe carnival side show(we'll see), hit me back (***)***-****
-Whitey
Her:
Hi!
Well considering I'm not in and out of the loony bin, I think we would have a lot of fun hanging out! Let's see if you can take it like you dish it out. Here's my number (***)***-****. -L
So we then shifted to texting:
Me: started off with a joke about her name and calling her princess(almost fatal error i suppose)
this is WhiteyMe: awww now you're shy
Her: Princess is my given name, I just go by (name);-) nice to kinda meet you
Me: lol nice you got jokes, another joke relating her to the star wars princess with the buns for hair
Her: This is 2011, I have upgraded to pigtails. thought they look classier
Me: Probably looks better with the light saber and wookie. so what ya up to kid?
Her: Cleaning, super fun and you?
Me: Haircut, even more fun
Her: why dont we swap?
Me: that sounds like a good idea but then you'd get a military haircut and i think that would clash with your eyes
Her: right, I will stick to cleaning;-)
Me: thats what i thought
Her: What did you do for the 4th?
Me: went to "rich peoples beach" until one of the guys in my circle of friends started throwing a tantrum
Her: Nice you hang with 5 year olds, cute
Me: he's 22....
Her: wow...
Me: yeah and the party was bumping there to. So where in "her town" do you stay without telling me your exact address?
Her: (ok she basically told me to the t where she lived without an address, possible notation for use later)
Me: wow, specific much? i have a few friends that live by you
Her: haha my neighbor hood is called (name of community)
Me: you're one ballsy lass, what if i was a serial rapist?
Her: well id have to whip your ass
Me: so you think youre a badass eh? lets dance juliet! wait.....are you gonna harvest my kidneys?
Her: thats creepy, you're a serial rapist and im in the black market. this is sounding like a great date already! atleast you're funny...
Me: and you're kinda cute so it works out.
Her: So did you get a high and tight?(its a very derogatory comment if you're around a military base, took it as a shit test)
Me: dont make me fuck you up child
Her: bring it
Me: stop making me smile at my phone, people are looking at me strange!
Her: they're jealous p.s. i like high and tights
Me: WHAT?! WHY?! they look like a patch of feminine pubic hair nestled on your head!
Her: they do not, ok some guys do
Me: well i dont. Weird fact about me, I wear my belt with a sailboat belt buckle on my right hip
Her: oh this i have to see...a sailboat? why may i ask?
Me: My grandfather found it when he was in the korean war and i wear it to the side because...well im good like that
Her: oh....thats badass!
Me: well thanks, I'm kind of the shit like that.
Her: .....right
Me: what made you move down here?
Her: I'm an army brat so I moved a lot
Me: MEE TO!
Her: so why did you join the corps instead of the army?
Me: the army recruiters were never at work.....where have you lived
Her: (lists states)
Me: I was born in hawaii then moved to texas to massachusetts to anchorage alaska to new york to fairbanks alaska back to new york all before I was 15
Her: still getting your hair cut?
Me: yes! longest i've ever waited! Where we you when the weekend started and i was partying by you? we coulda met up turd!
Her: Hiding under a rock besides i didn't know you yet punk
Me: dont make me come down there and put you in the corner
Her: now i get put in time out? great:-(
Me: yep, you owe me when we hang out
Her: ha more like you in the corner
Me: bring it soul sister!
Her: so aside from smartass what is your favorite pass times?
Me: hunting leprechauns and cuddling rainbows
Her: no really
Me: .....seriously....wanna come sometime?
Her:......
Me: ok ok, seriously, big on the beach, photography, road trips and guitar.
Her: photography? are you good? you should use me as a model!
Me: I'm good enough to get paid by models;-)
Her: oh....still cool though! well im going to bed good night
Next day:
Her: and what are we doing this lovely morning?
Me: .....parade practice....fuck my life....
Her: Lets fake sick and goto the beach, who needs a job?
Me: .....i like my pay and rank....
Her: ok....fine....bad idea...
Me: how about this weekend?
Her: OF COURSE!
Her: soooo....you have a daughter? are you ok with her mom?
ME: yes i do and no, if you wanna beat her ass go ahead.
Her: haha i would love to take my aggression out on some crazy bitch
Me: we can do something else to take out that aggression;-)
Her: I will wreck you from the waist down.
Me: pffft I'm a pro
Her: so you're a pornstar to?
Me: I prefer master of cunnlingual arts
Her: ....omg
ME: speechless? i tend to do that;-)
Her: haha wow....i dont know what to say.....that was good!
Me: there i go making another girl wet
Her: DONT GET BIG HEADED ON ME!
Me: i thought girls liked big heads;-)
Her: ok slick, turn my words on me....when are you coming to visit?
Me: friday, just dont harvest my organs, deal?
Her: sounds great and dont rape me:-P
Me: of course I will:-P
Her: creeeper.....just kidding. wanna do downtown?
ME: of course! hows the brewery sound?
Her: never been....do they have good drinks? i just turned 21 last week
Me: I'm a Marine......would I go somewhere without good drinks?
HEr:...........shit you're right....sounds like a plan
Me: Just don't get schwasted an I have to leave you in a shopping cart in front of your apartment for your roommate. So my roommate and I we talking about girls and shots, why are girls so obsessed with shots?
Her: they get you drunk fast and guys are more likely to buy you shots
Me: .....wow....classy
Her: what were you expecting?
ME: not using guys lol horrible girl
Her: its not using, guys think if they get you drunk enough you will sleep with them
Me: so essentially i shouldn't pay for drinks this weekend?
Her: oh ha ha
*went to bed that night and woke up to this gem of a text*
Her: i promise i wont harvest your kidneys if you promise not rape! deal!
Me: well....not serial per se
Her: oh geez. how tall are you?
Me: 5'1"
her: oh....hey i might have to work late tonight so i dunno if we can hang
Me: jk, im 6ft.
Her: well in that case work doesn't need me!(side note: did that just really happen?)
Me: alright I'll be there at 7:03 and 30 seconds
Her:.....you better not be a minute early or late:-P
I got to her place at 7:45, i purposely took my time and made her wait. picked her up and took her to my favorite restaurant in her town. We ate and had stupid conversations where I talked crap back and forth the whole time and me saying "corner, now!" or "dont make me fight you girl" randomly. we had a few drinks and we left to which she said "ok you wanna goto my favorite bar now?" but quick on my toes i remembered a DUI would ruin my night and that there was a free concert 1 block over on the river front so i said "well lets walk around for a little" and b lined it around to the concert. I used to be in the hardcore scene so i pushed through the crowd for this u2 cover band and put her at the stage and stood behind her in an embrace and sang every U2 song i knew in her ear quietly.
we left after a couple hours and went to her bar to which all her friends were there(ugh, i dont do well with strangers) to which i joked with them all night and one of her friends is a Marine so me and her instantly were cool with each other. I opened a tab. Had 2 beers...and did karaoke. first I did colder weather by zac brown band then a fun rendition of wanted: dead or alive by bon jovi(every karaoke bar has to have it done once a night btw)
we all parted ways and I really didn't feel the f close when we got in the car, she opened my sunroof and cranked my stereo up which I was listening to Pendulum(great driving music btw and if you have a subwoofer in your car, great for bass) and told me she liked driving fast with wind in her hair.......so i did 65 in a 35 weaving in traffic(im stupid I know). we get back to her apartment and I goto drop her off thinking just a k-close and she says "hey, you shouldn't drive in this weather this late. stay the night and you can leave in the morning when it clears up"..........mind you its clear and like 95 out
Get up to her place, f-close, my crotch has a big bruise on it. all in all a success
critiques welcome.
