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| JTR’s “Ripper Horror Picture Show https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=39440 |
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| Author: | j_the_ripper_ [ Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:35 am ] |
| Post subject: | JTR’s “Ripper Horror Picture Show |
JTR’s “Ripper Horror Picture Show” I don’t know, maybe I’m just weird. Sometimes when I go take a piss at work, I like to fuck with people when they’re behind the stall taking a shit. One of their most vulnerable times in a somewhat public setting. If there’s no one else in there besides me and the guy shitting, I like to walk in very slowly, with hard, calculated footsteps...like a serial killer. Each time my foot hits the floor it’s with extreme precision. Almost like Jason from Friday the 13th stalking his victim, knowing full well the person is shivering in fear under the bed (or in this case, behind the shitter). I stop right in front of the stall, just long enough so the person can see my feet underneath, or my shadow. I can sense them peering through the stall crack to see why I’m standing there. I make sure to stand there for an unusually long time, clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth like a crazed African from a lost tribe with a hay skirt, before proceeding to the urinal. As I drop my pants and flip out my cock, I let the stream of hot piss hit the water, then I move it up to hit the porcelain above it; this causes a bizarre pitter patter lullaby, signaling that my restroom visit is just about to get a lot more interesting. When I’m done, I violently smack my belt buckle against the urinal repeatedly, over and over again, creating the illusion I’m “shaking myself off”. I can sense the person in the stall is now a bit concerned…and a mild panic starts to creep into that recess of their mind that now feels betrayed…their safety almost now comes into question. I love it. I then walk towards the sink, and slowly turn on the faucet, little by little increasing the water pressure, and then suddenly let it go full blast. I lather my hands with pink liquid soap and begin to thunderously slap my hands together, occasionally making pseudo fart noises with my palms. I clench my fists and drum roll the sink counter with the water gushing out like a broken fire hydrant making a rucus. Then just as suddenly as I began, I stop the water and let complete silence fill the room… Next I need to dry my hands. I take out 2 towels very slowly, making sure they scrape up against it’s metal dispenser, letting the raspy screech audibly ring out to my shitter’s ears. Then without hesitation, I start to rapidly pull out towels, like a broken SPAM machine spitting out wads of cash. My hands begin to fling causing them to blur before my eyes. I aggressively start to dry my hands, making as much clatter as possible. I forcibly crumble the towels between my fingers, the backs of my hands before finally tossing the litter into the chute. I let the silence consume us again, waiting… I take a peak down and onward to see my victims feet…they are shaking. Adrenaline consumes every inch of my demented being, I feel alive and giddy as fuck. I take out my cell phone. I have a whole catalog of MP3’s on there, and I find an appropriate tune to play. In this case, it was WHAM’S “Careless Whisper”…I make sure to fast forward to the saxophone solo and put it on speaker. By this point I KNOW the person won’t get out of the bathroom stall until I’m gone; it’s always that way. I can imagine them starting to wonder what the fuck is going on, maybe praying that someone else comes into the bathroom to save them from this mental terrorism. But they likely won’t come. It’s lunch time, and everyone is usually gone. Chances are no one else will enter. And even if they do, I can simply just stop what I’m doing and proceed as normal. For my grand finale, I turn the music off. I start walking back toward the exit, but I don’t actually walk…I march in pace, standing in one spot, making it appear as if Im walking a long distance. I do this until it’s obvious the length of the bathroom walkway stops short of my pacing. Then I go back in front of the stall and stand there, just like the first time, clicking my tongue, faster and faster… I press my lips together and blow air between them, making an annoying whistle sound, and I grab the exit’s door knob, ready to leave. But I’m feeling especially peculiar today. I turn off the light before I go… Bill from accounting will probably be taking shits exclusively at home from now on and laying off the fiber. *************************************************************** After Hydro's Party Hydro’s birthday party was an event for the ages…30+ of LA’s top Casanova’s converged in a single club, and amazingly working as a unit never stepping on each other’s toes or overstepping our boundries. It was truly a thing of splendor, watching my brothers engaged in set. Even Steamroller, who only got into the game a few months ago nearly fucked a girl in plain view on the smoking patio couch to a full audience. As the evening drew to a close, it was nearing 2 or 3am. I pull out my cell phone and send out my obligatory “Mass Text Message Booty Calls”. This was my personal version of perverted Caliguesque Russian Roulette, never knowing who will respond first (or at all). I made sure to include my new play thing, TranceChick, and wait for the bait to be taken. As Im driving back with Cyse and The Black Knight to Covina, I get a response from last weeks conquest, TranceChick. She is in Hollywood and wants to hook up. I’m so sleepy I could die. My dick felt like a mushy Snicker’s bar left out in the sun too long, and I wasn’t even sure I could make it do any tricks except play dead. As soon as Cyse dropped me off at my car, I jammed over to an independent gas station. I noticed they sold something called “Libimax” which at the time I thought was a poor man’s version of Viagra. This would surely make my cocky-wock to stand at full attention for the early morning festivities. It said to take it 1 hour before I needed it, so I immediately washed it down with flat 7 Up I had in my car from the day before. Even my burp smells stale. Why was I even going down to Hollywood? I hadn’t slept in almost 24 hours, but I was possessed. Possessed by my insatiable prick. Maybe I felt since Shark Club was relatively a flat evening for me I had to make up for it somehow. ************************************************************** Encounter at Norwalk I pull up in front of the club she’s at (she drives up here from SD on the weekends to check out these performances) and I call her up. Not even 3 minutes later she darts out and slinks into my car. She’s not as hot as I remember. We start to kiss…when I see 2 other people approaching my car. Fuckin great…distractors. TranceChick: Oh these are my friends, is it cool if we all go down for an after party at Avalon? Are you fuckin kidding me? The last thing I wanna do is hit up another club. I just came down to have sex, get it over with and then head home and not wake up until I had to. That was the plan. Um hmmm. JTR: I cant. Really I just done feel like it. Lets just get out of here… She pleaded that we just stop over there for a bit, but I wasn’t having it. Jeezus, don’t these fuckin ravers ever sleep? I finally convinced her by threatening to just leave and go back home. She complied and gave her car keys to her friends. GuyFriend: So TranceChick, who’s your new boyfriend over here? (said sarcastically and spiteful) JTR: Im J, whats up dude? He sneers at me and doesn’t awknowledge me back. This was going to be fun. GuyFriend: You guys arent fuckin taking off. We’re ALL gonna go to Avalon. This guy was something else. He didn’t even know me and was throwing around orders. Then it hit me. He’s probably been fucking TranceChick on the side also. JTR: You know what, fuck it…lets go to Avalon. We’ll meet you there. (smiling) I, of course, have no intentions of going, and TranceGirl follows my lead. We drive off, ditching the guy (who now has possession of TranceGirl’s car). But she apparently trusts him enough to drive her car and has known him for some time, so I don’t sweat it since she’s not. JTR: You know, I’m kinda broke. The hotel last week cost me $100 and my mom’s bday is coming up next week… (Don’t you just love my tact, lol?) TranceChick: Don’t worry, it’s my turn…I’ll pay. Thank god. I had planned on fucking her in my car since I figured it would be the fastest way to just head back home after I was done. But then I thought things should be “Even Steven, fair and square”…I forked $100 last week, now she can do the bloody same. We get on the 101 Fwy heading towards the 5, and I grab her hand and place it on my dick. The “Libimax” is starting to kick in and my cock is starting to buldge. I place my hand behind her head and give it a nudge…she knows what this means. As we get onto the 5 Fwy South, I stupidly take off my seatbelt so she can fumble with my belt buckle, and with my left hand I pull my pants down below my ass. She does the rest, and the next thing I know she’s sucking me off while I’m driving. This is the first time I’ve had this happen, and I’m in heaven. I nearly swerve and lose control when I see 2 cop cars behind us, as she concentrates on my cock head…it tickles so much I pull her hair up to ease up a little. The police pass us by and Im relieved. This was gonna be a fun night, errrm morning. We get to the hotel, and true to her word she pays for everything while I stand there and take a look around. We’re in Norwalk. I’m in zombie state by now, but my dick is at full attention. I think to myself how normal everything feels right now. The novelty of hooking up with a girl and bouncing to a hotel for sex has become common place. Sometimes I realize that it’s not so common to the girl, and my “la dee da” attitude towards the whole thing probably communicates things to them that I’d been trying to achieve most of my life. Now I don’t even have to think about it. I just do it, living in the moment. Living for the thrill of the fuck, by the skin of my teeth. You only live once. As we arrive on the third floor, we go right inside and get busy. ******************************************************** Four Score and 10 Years Ago... Back in my teen days I had sex only a handful of times, and though the first time was unforgettable, every subsequent one was a disaster in the making. I remember the 2nd time I ever had sex she actually told all her friends I was “a lousy excuse for a fuck”. That kind of haunted me, and I suppose it deterred me from many of the opportunities I had throughout my early 20’s. I was a lousy excuse for a fuck right? It had to be true. I was only 18 and didn’t know any better. She was a female, and an obvious authority on the subject because of it. So why even try? I had that attitude for several years. All those years wasted, doing nothing. ************************************************************* ...2 Years Ago I remember before I started having sex regularly (which wasn’t so long ago) I used to think I’d be a dynamo right off the bat because of all the shit I was learning. All my previous inadequacies wouldn’t matter now, because mentally I thought I was ready. I’d been reading PUA shit, right? At the time that’s all I thought I needed. I’d picture in my head how I’d fuck, and never thought I’d be a flop again. My first post F Close after discovering the game 2 years ago kind of shattered those false preconceptions. Not only was I “not good”, but I was just plain horrible, just like I was years ago. Nothing had changed. It was with a chick I had pulled from Sutra and bounced to my car while Siren and Kurse waited for us in the parking lot. My dick wouldn’t stay hard, and it was more awkward than anything. Where was this “bad ass” who had pulled her from the club, promising her multiple orgasms and the best she ever had?…Where was this mega fuck machine who would introduce her to positions she never imagined? I turned into a little boy doing a task beyond my bravado. I could tell she was disappointed. She sucked my dick and I did manage to fuck her, but it was so void of any lust that it was an utter embarrassment. Where were those visions I used to have of fucking like Peter North or Ron Jeremy, swapping positions and making her my ragdoll? Instead, I was timid and afraid. I didn’t even manage to cum in her. We stopped out of patheticy. I wasn’t even a real man in my mind at the time. I was a fuckin loser. The disappointment in her eyes crushed me. To add insult to injury, she even started to finger herself as she closed her eyes, probably wishing she was as far away from me as possible.. I vowed to be good at this and learn it well. ******************************************************** Fast Forward to the Present…Practice Makes Perfect I take TranceChick and begin to dominate her. I strip her down and start to kiss her neck, between her tits, and lick her torso in a single line slowly, until I get right above her glorious bush. I kiss her ears, wrists (my favorite) and shoulders, all the while massaging her bread box. I finger her clit and touch it in patterns I copied from watching lesbian porn, and she was squiggling around and having a ball. I use a 3 finger combination, and she begs me to stop before she loses all self control…I continue onward and she starts to yelp. I feel her quivering all over, which turns me on even more. I’m wide awake now. TranceChick: Ohhhh, why are you dong this to me? It’s not fair…it just..isnt..fair..where did you come from? JTR: (in my best “Man of the world” voice) Because you fuckin deserve it…Your pussy belongs to me now, you understand? And I’m gonna keep fingering you till you can’t take it no more…then Im gonna fuck the shit out of you. (I actually sounded like Darth Vader, or Mum Ra from Thundercats, with my croaky 4am voice). I’m sure most of you experienced guys out there know this, but this is just something Im starting to learn…when you finger a girl, it almost like your telling a story. It has to build up, be engaging, compelling, and make you wonder what’s gonna happen next. You need to be creative and fresh, yet familiar and comforting, all the while knowing that an unexpected turn is just around the corner. She starts to shiver and I can feel her cumming. I haven’t even put my dick in her yet. TranceChick: Oh my god, where are you taking me next with this…OMG, OMG… JTR: Im just getting started… We never go to sleep, and we have sex repeatedly throughout the morning. I have never had sex with one girl so much in a single session. This Libimax product was amazing…My schlong never wavered…it was just as solid as I needed it. She called her friend and he had driven her car to his pad in Anaheim, and I guess he was justifiably pissed we ditched him to go fuck. I make her hang up the phone as I can hear him huff and puff over the receiver. We talk and have sex repeatedly for 14 hours…no sleep. We talk about EVERYTHING. We spill our guts to each other. Our hopes, dreams, fears…how could I know this person better than most of my friends? I told her about my skateboarding days, my old punk bands, stories from yesteryear…how James Cagney was my favorite actor, how hard I’d fuck Jaimie Pressly circa 1998 if given the chance, and that if I could be any animal I’d be a Hawk. My favorite color being gray, only eating bacon well done (cause I hate when it’s soggy) and why Kiyoko Matsumoto did what she did in 1933. I brought up Chris Chubbock from the 70’s and how it was the first American televised suicide, as well as why Song of the South was banned in America. We were like two PC’s exchanging our entire database archive, and by the time the 14 hours were over we had only scratched the surface, with several million GB’s left to go… We didn’t watch TV or anything. Just non-stop conversation. I didn’t realize two people could possibly talk for so long. I don’t know if I could have done this with anyone else. I know she was on E per usual. She was in a philosophical mood, and Im always down to have these types of talks….it sure did not seem like 14 hours. At check out time, we get a phone call on the house phone, and she says to the hotel clerk she wants to extend our stay. Right then the cleaning lady bangs on the door, and I yell that we’re still in here (we’re both naked), but I guess she doesn’t hear me and comes in anyway. She she’s us both completely nude and apologizes and closes out. That was kind of a rush. Neither one of us was embarrassed. I suddenly remember I had a bunch of shit I had to do today. This was the monthly Sunday where I take my grandmother out to breakfast and spend a few hours with her walking with her around the mall, or her favorite antique shop. Sometimes I take her for ice cream, and we sit there, while she tells me stories of relatives long gone, or her misadventures as a Ye Ye chick in the late 50’s. My aunts rarely call her, and they had recently even forgotten her birthday. I took her to the Rain Forrest café on her bday, her fav place. She likes looking at the monkeys and the exotic fish. I call granny right away and let her know I over slept and that I’d take her to dinner later on to make up for it. I had also promised my 8 year old niece I’d watch her perform her “show” and film it. My little niece loves Hannah Montana, and she plays her cd’s in our living room, gets all dressed up while she lip syncs the words and dances like Hannah. She calls that her “Show”. Come watch my Show Uncle J. I had promised her I’d film her dancing and singing and put it up on Youtube. She got a real kick out of this idea and thought that she’d be famous; her eyes lit up. I remember when I had promised her, she ran all over the house to find my mom and tell her that she was gonna be on youtube. So was so excited it was cute. But here I am with TranceChick, while my niece is at home probably wondering where I was, and if I’d forgotten her…and now I feel like a scumbag. Tonite was also supposed to be the first CCIE meeting and I was supposed to be there to help coordinate. Luckily Keflex, Steamroller and Hydro were there to save the day. So I laid in bed, trying to get the energy to start the day. 14 fuckin hours. I made sure to practice everything I possibly could, except fucking her in the ass. Sorry to disappoint you Siren. By the time we left the hotel it was dark again. It felt like I hadn’t ate or slept for an eternity. I drop her off at her friends house in Anahiem, and go straight to Grannies in Huntington Park smelling like sex, and then back home to keep my promise to my favorite little person in the whole wide world. Sometimes I wish I was a better uncle/grandson. This Libimax is dangerous stuff. I wake up the next day with a boner, and my dick looks like a play dough mold. I have to get ready for work, and I take a shit…it comes out black. I’ve never shit black before and get freaked out, but then I figure it must be the Libimax giving it that extra coloring. All day long at work I’m feeling horny. And if this is the poor man’s Viagra, I don’t know if I can handle the real thing. Grace from payroll is at least 50 plus, and I find my eyes wandering to her tan silky legs, and my dick begins to pulsate…arghhhh, think about baseball, think about baseball. Is this Libimax shit supposed to last this long? Why cant there be hotter chicks at work? After my shift is over, I text Lay Delay and see if she’ll have me. I really need to slip another sploodge or Im gonna die. She answers back quickly to come on over. On the way there I remember how she’s been acting lately, almost possessively. I had been trying to ignore her, but I seriously just needed to get this over with. When I get there, I don’t even say hello. I pick her up like a baby, and pace to her bedroom. I waste no time and fuck her raw and hard. Sex wasn’t something we were sharing…it was something I was doing to her. I’d never really done her this way before. After we were done she couldn’t stop looking at me. Lay Delay: Whats gotten into you? Why so aggressive today? JTR: I guess I just missed you. We rest for about 20 minutes and I tell her about my moms birthday ask what I should get her. After I reload, I fuck Lay Delay again as hard as the first time. She gets in on the act and starts to be just as aggressive which is great…in the moment I foolishly imagine myself being in love with her. I go home, and drop dead on my bed and don’t wake up until its time to go to work again the next day. At work the next day, I make coffee for everyone and make sure it’s decaf to trick them, depriving them of their caffine fix. Im a stinker. After I make my own regular brew. I make sure to put the decaf in the regular pot. FTW. People usually come by my desk and borrow pens because for some reason that’s where the boss decided to store them. My desk is like a fuckin supply reserve. I get bored and take all my pens (except for one) and take out all the ink cartridges. I place pen caps on both ends of the pens. One of the ladies from customer service comes by to get one…I snicker to myself imagining her reaction when she opens it. My boss was looking for his flash drive. I had it in my pocket. He was looking all over for it for about an hour. He had an important presentation on there and he had to do it in less than an hour. I even helped him look for it. When he wasn’t looking, I took it out of my pocket and placed it on his keyboard. Boss: Argg!! THERE IT IS! It was here the whole time, how’d we miss it?! JTR: Haha, I dunno. I don’t know why I do those things. Maybe its self amusement. Maybe it’s because Im a sociopath. Maybe Im bored…. Or maybe Im just weird. -J the Ripper |
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| Author: | Jeez [ Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:32 pm ] |
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LOL those are some funny ass pranks. good lay report, like the transformation from pathetic to sex god |
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| Author: | j_the_ripper_ [ Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:22 am ] |
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Thanks for taking the time to read it bro, I appreciate it. |
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| Author: | daDude [ Sun Mar 01, 2009 6:11 pm ] |
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ahahaha dude this is amazing haha I remember i drank this energy drinnk called spike once, and this shit is potent. ANyways i get a hard on get wit a girl and fuck her, my shit gets harder and bigger im like wth ahah I fucked her all night haha it was nice haha U shud try it some day |
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| Author: | ShivaSpace [ Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:16 pm ] |
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Love your stories dude, you have a way with words and put alot of yourself and your identity in those Especially loved the one about the girl with the perfect face, harsch stuff and with a writing so intense it grabbed my guts Keep it on |
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| Author: | prefix [ Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:24 pm ] |
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I had a blast reading this! So damn funny J. |
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| Author: | ItsAlwaysOn [ Mon Jul 12, 2010 9:20 pm ] |
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wow. A+. would read again. if this is the same person, i've listened to a handful of the podcasts and really enjoyed them. keep up the good work. |
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| Author: | j_the_ripper [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 12:18 am ] |
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Quote: wow. A+. would read again.
Right on, and yes I am the podcast host. Thanks for listening in. I appreciate all the kind words guys.
if this is the same person, i've listened to a handful of the podcasts and really enjoyed them. keep up the good work. |
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