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| FU / Journal Entry #3 https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=69841 |
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| Author: | collar50 [ Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:19 am ] |
| Post subject: | FU / Journal Entry #3 |
Journal Entry #3 06/23/10 11:19:40 PM Journals #1 and #2 are in the Newbie section. Dammit I bitched out again! I think I was riding the nervous energy from earlier tonight, because I felt chaotically energetic when I left my apartment the second time. In the absence of people, I felt how I could go about working a room and being the most social guy in the bar, but I couldn't control any of that energy. Having never really been in bars and clubs before, I could see how I would have false, unrealistic expectations. But I still hoped that I would be able to gussy up the nerve to talk to somebody. Here's what happened: Once again, I set out feeling pretty good. Nobody was around, and I was striding to the bar pumped. I get on the strip, and I'm still pretty pumped. I was smiling to myself because I felt a kind of wild excitement. Of course, everything changed when I got to the bar and was in the presence of other people. I felt manic, freaky, and small. But I managed to go into the bar. I actually tried to stride right in, forgetting that I needed to show my ID. Once I was in, a part of me said that I should walk up to the first group of people I saw and ask them with a smile if everything was going alright. I know, its lame, but at least it would have been talking to somebody. A much larger part of me said to not engage with anyone, and leave. When I was walking through the club, I was looking at different groups of people. Inner Dialogue : “ I should talk to them, damn. I should talk to them, damn. Pretty girls, damn.” Funny, I was looking at them (rather manically), but they sure as f*** weren't looking at me. 11:31:49 PM Where was I walking to with such furious intent? I figured I had to at least pretend to have a reason for being in the bar. I had put enough crazy energy into the bar that I felt most of the people (there were about 130 people in there) were uncomfortably aware of me. So I galloped to the bathroom at the back of the bar and pretended to take a squat (and you thought that you sucked when you started out). There was a rugby table blocking the entrance to the bathroom. Four huge guys were playing, and I had to ask them if they would get out of the way. Social interaction. Woo hoo. So I sat in there for a few minutes, trying to gather myself. Eventually I came back out, and said to one of the guys (in a bitchy high pitched tone, and with horribly submissive body language) that it was a terrible rugby table/bathroom adjacency. I then tucked tail and got out of there, walking back to my apartment much as I did earlier in the evening. F*** me. 11:43:15 PM What did I take out of this? Number one: lots of energy is good (calibration is probably better), but only as good as it can be controlled. Number two: Always be conscious of posture and voice tonality. I wouldn't feel quite so bad if I hadn't squeaked and scurried my way through the bar. Number three: don't pass by opportunities. F***ing everything up is better than doing nothing. I would have felt better if I had approached the first group of people I passed, and talked to them. Number four: I am a wuss, and it will take a lot of long, hard work not to be a wuss. Number five: it can't get much worse than hiding in a bathroom. Number six: vague notions of what to do are bad. If you go into a bar or club with vague notions, you'll forget them amidst the anxiety. I'm going out and trying again tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to speak to a woman. Great thing about today was that it set a bit of a precedence. In the future, when I blow 15 sets in one night, I'll always be able to look back at this and say at least it wasn't as bad as hiding in the bathroom. You know, I actually don't feel that humiliated after writing this all out. I feel horribly disappointed in myself, but not so humiliated. I don't know if that's good or bad. 11:56:30 PM In other news, I did quite a bit on behalf of studying for my exam coming up in a month. I had meetings with my academic adviser, the teacher of one of my classes, and a few of my peers that I am going to work with. I even scheduled another meeting with one of my other teachers. I gathered up my notes and got quite a bit of it categorized today. I didn't get anything done on behalf of the class I will be teaching in a few weeks, but it was still a pretty productive day for me. So tomorrow I am meeting up with some of my peers to do some more studying, and I am going to go out again and try to show some progress. I think I'll also go to the gym, that's always an adventure. Eventually, I will have to get some outer game techniques together, but I have to concentrate on actually being able to talk to people first. Sometime in the future, I am going to look back at these types of days as the things that taught me that I could deal with anything (socially) and come out alive and ok. The only things that I stand to lose are the things that I don't want. I figure I should be posting these journal entries in the field report section from now on 12:11:59 AM |
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| Author: | SkyFall [ Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Collar man, First off, thanks for being brave and honest enough to give us the specifics of your emotional journey of your night. It's insightful and a great learning tool. It is great that you are writing this all down, it can be therapeutic and also help you learn from your mistakes, since you can reread, apply thought to what to change and how to change it, and naturally correct your problems. Several journal entries from now, you will look back on this and shake your head. You will see how unhappy you were. You mentioned you tried to formulate a story, but I would recommend using your own personal thoughts and emotions, because that will make it more genuine. Remember: THERE IS NO TRIDE AND TRUE SPECIFIC SET OF WORDS TO SPEAK TO GET GIRLS IN YOUR BED. Nothing works on everyone. Be yourself and enjoy your moment and your emotions. If you have a story that you dont think is funny, it probably isn't--why would anyone else enjoy it if you don't? If you have a question but aren't genuinely interested in the answer, why would any guy or girl be interested? Something that has helped me is listing things that I really like about myself, issues/thoughts I generally have questions about with women or people, and what specifically I am looking for in a conversation. I now have starting points for confidence, talking points, and goals in the conversation (which will help keep the discussion moving forward). So long as you are cordial and genuinely enjoy what you are discussing, people will be happy to talk to you. I do recommend talking to a hot girl when you see her, and going for it. The confidence you will gain from talking to her and her responding positively will be very empowering. And she will respond positively because you are talking to her in a genuine manner. Get back out there and have some fun. |
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