My date with Jennifer is over and I arrive home. I have about an hour to till my third coffee date. This one is with a girl named Desirée. I met in the organic section of a local superstore. She’s someone who I could see as a girlfriend. She eats healthy, does yoga, and is in the medical program at the local University. Just thinking of her gets me horny again.
One of the tools you learn in pick-up is active disinterest. This is where you inform the girl you’re with that you and her would never work out as a couple. You do this in a playful manner; “We’d never make a good couple. We’re too similar. We’d always fight about who’s the better cook, and I’d win.” I don’t think that I could be disinterested with an erection. I decide to do the five-knuckle shuffle. Looking at the result in my palm I immediately visualize a scene from There’s Something About Mary.
That scene is when Ted (Ben Stiller) gets cum in his hair. Laughing ensues. Loving the entertaining idea I walk over to the mirror. Using my thumb and index finger I take a pinch of my man goo. Without it being too obvious I smear it on the end of my bangs. The bangs that contain my ejaculate are on my good side; my left side. My tangled clump of hair is noticeable when you’re about a foot away. I check myself out in the mirror and then turn to check the time.
I have 45-minutes till my coffee date. The date is inside a bookstore called Chapters. Each Chapters has a Starbucks for all the Joya del Dia Blend sipping bookworms. I’m interested in checking out the latest Cosmo before the date. I head out to the bookstore.
I arrive 15-minutes before the date. I walk over to the magazine racks. I spot an attractive girl looking at a gossip magazine. I ask her where I can find the Cosmo. She says, “I don’t work here, but it’s right here.” She grabs the Cosmo magazine and hands it to me. While handing me the magazine she takes a quick look at my hair and gives me an odd look.
V: “What?”
Magazine girl: “Nothing.”
She turns away and tries to hold back her giggles.
V: “What? Are you laughing cause I’m reading Cosmo?”
Magazine girl: “No. It’s something else.”
V: “Tell me. I’m a big boy.”
Magazine girl: “Are you wearing any gel?”
V: “No why?”
Magazine girl: “Well I would go check a mirror then.”
V: “Oh shit. Do I have cum in my hair?”
Magazine girl: *laughing* “I think so.”
V: “Every time I eat out my girlfriend she squirts something on me.”
Magazine girl: “OK. That is more information than I needed to know.”
Magazine girl walks off into another section the magazine racks.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so graphic. Oh well. I open up my Cosmo magazine.
This month features the attractive STD girl Jessica Alba. Yum. Just looking at the advertisements makes me realize how fucked up Cosmo reading girls are. I’m getting thirsty so I head to Starbucks.
The sign at the entrance informs me that I cannot take Chapters items into the coffee utopia. I toss the magazine on a table with books meant for people with low IQs. I arrive at the counter and order a Grande Pomegranate Frappuccino Juice Blend. Just the name sounds expensive.
The counter associate hands me my magical treat with a forced smile. I look for a table to sit at. I find a bench and chair setup in the corner. Desirée should be here anytime soon. I sip on my juice blend.
I watch Desirée enter the bookstore a couple minutes late. I do not want to “look” desperate, so I turn my head and watch the parking through the window.
Desirée: “V?”
V: “Oh hey!”
Desirée: “I see you’ve gotten your drink. It looks good. I think I’ll get one of those too.”
V: “OK. Just throw your stuff on the chair and get your drink.”
Desirée: “Sounds good.”
Desirée comes back with a Venti version of the Pomegranate Frappuccino Juice Blend. She takes the bench seat beside me.
V: “I see size is important to you.”
Desirée: “Oh, it is!”
V: “Then I should go, because my manhood is too big.”
Desirée: “Oh, and how big is it? 10 inches, 12 inches . . . bigger?”
V: “Oh no. Mine is on the verge of two inches.”
Desirée: *laughs*
V: “I don’t think you can handle it.”
Desirée: “You might be right.”
Our conversation goes into her other active interests. One of those is yoga. We discuss the different positions. I find out that she does hot yoga. On top of that she does pole dancing. I go into kino by telling her I know how to palm read.
I have no idea how to palm read. I purchased a few books on palm reading but forgot what I read. She gives me her palm. I gaze at the lines on her palm.
V: “Interesting.”
Desirée: “What?”
V: “See this long line right here?”
Desirée: “Yeah.”
V: “It’s longer than normal.”
Desirée: “What does that mean?”
V: “It tells me that you like sex . . . a lot!”
Desirée: *laughing* “That’s nothing new.”
I struggle to not gulp the lump in my throat.
I move on to doing the “Spell of Attraction” trick from episode three of Mystery’s VH1 show. She thinks it’s cute. She tells me she has to get going to a dinner appointment, but would love to continue our conversation at a later date.
I’m not quite sure how to take this, so I tell her that I will give her a call later in the week to make plans. She agrees, gives me a kiss on the cheek and heads out of Chapters.
I’m not sure what the end of the date means. If we were having a great time wouldn’t she have blown it off to hang out with me longer? There was no mention of the love lotion in my hair. Did she notice it, got scared and fled?
Only time will tell.