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I've busted a HB talking smack about me online, need advice
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Author:  speed-bird [ Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:37 am ]
Post subject:  I've busted a HB talking smack about me online, need advice
Background:

I've been frequenting this salsa club for the last six months and making an effort to get to know people and make friends. I've had quite a bit of success and I'm pleased with myself. I've made male and female friends, I haven't tried very hard to convert any of the HBs to F-closes because I'm more interested in keeping it low key and looking elsewhere for proper gaming opportunities. This place is something I'd like to use as a home base where everyone knows my name.

Late last year I was taking a hammering from a bout of depression. I was suicidal at one point. Well I fought back and came out of it. At the club I've seen a few opportunities come up for me to get to know some HBs better with a view to taking it further. Lately I've been thinking about opportunities I've missed in the past because of me keeping HBs in the friend zone when maybe I should have tried to convert.

The story:

I've pieced this chronology together from my cell phone log, Facebook's logs and my dating log.*

Well there was this HB10 there on New Year's eve who had a HB9 friend with her. I hung with those girls for most of the night and did a fair bit of dancing with them. HB10 was there again on January 5th and that was when I number closed her and added her on Facebook.

Called her on January 6th at 5pm (left no message) and again at 8pm where I must have left a message.

Called her on January 7th, I don't think I left a message.

Didn't call her again until January 18th where she picked up and we talked about a show that a mutual friend of ours is performing in, asked if she wanted to go, she was interested but might not be able to get off work in time. (What prompted me to do this was our mutual friend calling me and trying to sell the tickets, so I said I'd do what I could to get someone to go with me.)

On January 19th HB10 was at the club. I danced with her again for a fair proportion of the night, she confirmed that she couldn't make the show, so I got some other girls to agree to go with me and use up the ticket. At the end I suggested again to HB10 that we hang out in another setting. Again, no argument from her, so I figured that the door was opened again.

Today, January 20th, I called her and left a vmail suggesting that we hang out on Friday night since she can't make it to the show at the weekend. That was at 6:24pm.

Train wreck:

At about 9:30pm she posts on HB9's FB wall the following:

"Allllooooooooo....I don't have much time, but I have to tell you....helllpp....."kachaleh mano vel nemikone" hahha....man some people just don't give up, drives me banana."

I ran the Persian part through an online translation service. It means "the scald-headed guy won't let me go!"

She then posts another: "baba kachal velam kon!!!!
OMG got to go...so much to do these days.
love."

Response from translation service:

"he literal meaning is as:

Hey bald dad (or guy) leave go of my arm! (When sb is
hodling some one else's arm)
Idiomatic one (when sb is annoying some one else):

Bald daddy (dad, guy) leave me alone!

In Farsi sometimes "bAbA" (dad, daddy) is used to address
sb!"

Epilogue:

Now they're starting to comment on the posts, some of it in Farsi and I'll get that translated as we go along.

My initial feeling was a combination of anger and hurt. Then it was just anger. I was tempted to get something witty translated into Farsi and post it up on her wall before de-friending her. I was going to get a translation for something like "Online translation services are very useful. Don't you agree?" Or "Isn't it interesting what you can discover with online translation services?"

I didn't go that far, and so far I haven't reacted. I want to cool down a bit more before I do anything else, if anything.

What I want from you guys:

What would you do in that situation? Bear in mind, she's a regular at the club just like me. I don't want something to happen that'll give me a bad reputation in there. At the same time, I'd like her to know that I understand what she posted for the sake of delivering some sort of 'justice.' Thoughts?

---

* I keep a log of every online dating email I send, every reply I send, every # close I get, every call I make, every text I send etc. I do it for a number of reasons, one of which is to make sure I don't overdo it on the contacting front, i.e. don't bombard someone with calls and texts in quick succession. It's also useful for post-mortem investigations like this.
Author:  Nesho [ Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Sounds to me like low interest on her part. Go to other clubs, meet a good looking girl and when she's comfortable take her to the original club. If HB10 sees you with some nice arm candy she should start to feel jealous.
Author:  speed-bird [ Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Oh that's obvious now. I'm just wondering what's the best way to let her know I understand her sneaky snarky little message, or if I should bother at all.
Author:  Nesho [ Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't let it bother you
Author:  Royalty [ Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: I've busted a HB talking smack about me online, need adv
SF, huh? Cheers, mate! Some objective, constructive criticism:
Quote:
Background:

I've been frequenting this salsa club for the last six months and making an effort to get to know people and make friends. I've had quite a bit of success and I'm pleased with myself. I've made male and female friends, I haven't tried very hard to convert any of the HBs to F-closes because I'm more interested in keeping it low key and looking elsewhere for proper gaming opportunities. This place is something I'd like to use as a home base where everyone knows my name.
Seems like you've invested some time and energy into this place.
Quote:
Called her on January 6th at 5pm (left no message) and again at 8pm where I must have left a message.

Called her on January 7th, I don't think I left a message.
Right there, IMO, you called too many times without giving her a fair chance to respond.
Quote:
Today, January 20th, I called her and left a vmail suggesting that we hang out on Friday night since she can't make it to the show at the weekend. That was at 6:24pm.
Why? Has she shown any interest in you? Also, this is the second time you're suggesting making "plans" for a Day 2 with her. Day 2s are most successful if you can get her to tag along with whatever it is you're doing anyway, preferably with your friends.
Quote:
My initial feeling was a combination of anger and hurt. Then it was just anger. I was tempted to get something witty translated into Farsi and post it up on her wall before de-friending her. I was going to get a translation for something like "Online translation services are very useful. Don't you agree?" Or "Isn't it interesting what you can discover with online translation services?"

I didn't go that far, and so far I haven't reacted. I want to cool down a bit more before I do anything else, if anything.
Good on ya to take some time to cool down. Now, if you do post some kind of retaliation, think of what kind of message that sends to her and her friend about you. Honestly, she's entitled to her opinion... and you're entitled to not give a rat's ass about her opinion. By posting in response you're 1) letting her know that you went so far as to translate what she writes on her friend's wall, 2) letting her know that she holds power over your emotions, and 3) making your salsa spot awkward now that she knows that you know what she said.
Quote:
What would you do in that situation? Bear in mind, she's a regular at the club just like me. I don't want something to happen that'll give me a bad reputation in there. At the same time, I'd like her to know that I understand what she posted for the sake of delivering some sort of 'justice.'
Not gonna happen. Swallow your pride, be a man, and ignore it. Keep going to your spot. If you see her, be courteous... dance with her, even. Just move on from trying to game her. At the same time, keep making friends and keep projecting the confidence and high value that reflects the man that you are.

Whenever you feel burned, always remember this Spanish proverb: Living well is the best revenge.
Author:  The_Sarge [ Sat Jan 23, 2010 12:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dont let her know you know, brush her off and never ask her to hang out with you again be professional with her when dancing but make out your having a great time
Author:  Dragula [ Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
lol i always retaliate


i say translate English into Persian


"Persian is a beautiful language" onto her facebook status

(in persian)
Author:  The Persian [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
I speak Persian fluently, so let me know if u need anything ;)
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