Can you find me?
Preface
What's up guys?
I apologize for all but ditching PUAF for the last year -- real life takes over, you know? However, I just reread the game on a long ride to a speech I was giving four hours away, and I was inspired to dive back into the scene until I inevitably get distracted and take another long absence.
I just got back from a Carnival cruise to Cozumel about a week ago, and since it's still on my mind, I thought I'd share a 16-year-old PUA's experience from the four-day journey.
To begin my story, I'd like to start by telling a random bit of game that will seem irrelevant at first, but actually serves for a cool coincidence later.
Story
The night before we boarded my family had been out for dinner and ice cream, and I realized that I'd forgotten to pack my toothbrush, so I decided to run up to a Wal-mart to grab one. As I walked through the shampoo aisle to get to the toothbrush aisle I saw two cute girls (I assumed them to be locals) shopping for girly shit or whatever. Of course I had to have some fun, so I grabbed two of the kiddie toothbrushes from the bottom rack, put them behind my back, and said, "Hey, I have an important question for you two. In fact, it's probably the most important question you'll hear all day, so answer carefully. You ready?"
After they said yes I paused for dramatic effect and said, "Should I get the Optimus Prime toothbrush, or the Spiderman toothbrush?"
They both burst into laughter and said Spiderman. I thanked them and walked off with Optimus Prime, hearing their giggling fade into the distance.
From the second I set foot on-board, I knew this was going to be pretty epic -- the place was incredibly target rich, and within five minutes one of the workers there had given me a flyer to "CLUB O2," which is a teen club for ages 14-17. Seriously, guys, this couldn't have been set up more perfectly.
Since most of you don't care too much about what I did with my family, I'll skip to the first night of Club O2. I decided to take my time getting there, so I showed up about 10 minutes late. When I walked in there were about 10 people there -- six guys, and five girls. The chick-to-dick ratio probably will never be this good at a club in my life.
Anyways, as I walked in, they were all sitting at a table, and I could tell that all that had been happening was awkward conversation for the whole 15 minutes since the club had been open. I was glad that I'd shown up late. From a quick scan, the table was almost completely segregated -- guys on the right, girls on the left. Luckily, because of this segregation, there was an empty seat in between both groups. I walked in, and all the heads turned -- partly because they were all bored to tears and partly because I was pretty noticeable. I was wearing a purple tie-dye v-neck shirt, and as soon as I walked in I loudly said, "What's up guys?" and plopped myself down on that empty seat. I've provided an illustration of seating arrangements below.
Unfortunately, I've pretty much dropped all canned lines, so I can't exactly recall what I said -- I mostly rely on my huge smile, ooze confidence, and maintain a "don't give a fuck" attitude. I found out how everyone knew each other -- apparently the two HB9s across from me (I've branded them "Shortstuff and Blondie) were friends from school, and the group of guys to my right were ALL related to each other. The HB7 "Supertan" came with her family but was alone -- she'd met the dude to her right earlier on the cruise so they were already paired off.
Eventually more kids started to filter in and there wasn't any room left on the table, so after being funny and confident at the table for a while longer I started to hit the sets that were naturally forming just generally being an outgoing guy.
I'd just walk in and explode the set -- no openers were needed. Walk up, put my arms around whoever I entered through, and say, "WHAT'S UP GUYS?" with a big grin. I've gotten pretty good at getting myself super pumped up, optimistic, and in state, so I guess everyone could just feel my energy and went along with it. I just went set to set hugging the girls (and some guys, if I felt like it -- "all homo, bro. all homo") and giving love everywhere.
After establishing myself as the most social guy I decided to work my way back to the table where the two 9's were sitting, told HB9 Blondie to give me her hands, and stole her seat. I acted over-apologetic, told her it was a dirty trick and that I was "sorry sorry sorry -- if I apologize three times that means you have to forgive me." I concluded it with a hug and a pinky promise that I'd never do it again.
Whenever I give pinky promises, at the point when we link I lean in and give the thumb/pointer finger side of my fist a kiss to "seal" the promise, and the girl will always respond by kissing her hand as well. It's a great way to start kino escalation off to a good start, because for a good second you're both kissing facing eachother -- it's just on your respective hands.
I then told HB9 Blondie that unfortunately I was too comfy to move, but she could sit on my lap if she wanted to. She did, and I started running game on her friend HB9 Shortstuff with HB9 Blondie on my lap.
At this point the club had gotten fairly alive with 20-30 people dancing, and a slow song came on. Acting on impulse, I told HB9 Blondie to get off my lap so we could dance. She acted hesitant, but I led her by holding hands onto the floor. Still acting reluctant, I proceeded to dance with her, and she said, "But we're just friends! I have a boyfriend!"
Frustrated, I said, "of course we're friends, I'm not that easy," threw her hands off me and decided to ditch her for the time being. I sat in between a mixed guy/girl set and used my standard "sup guys?" opener. The guy grinned and was like, "dude, are you rolling?"
Rolling is slang for using ecstasy, so I was like, "Nah man, why?"
He said, "well, you've been bouncing from girl to girl like crazy -- you just took that hot girl to dance, and five minutes ago I saw you hugging another hot girl. It's amazing."
I just laughed and told him I love people. We talked for a little longer and I decided to eject and find a new set. This is where I met Devin and Tori, who would end up being my major targets for the rest of the cruise. They were best friends from their hometown and had came there together.
Devin, my target, is on the right, Tori is on the left.
They were sitting down together, and I motioned for them to separate with my arms and sat in between them, instantly putting my arms around them. They commented on how I was always smiling and how I already seemed to know everyone. I just grinned and kept talking about whatever random shit was on my mind. I really wish I had some good routines to share with you guys, but really, all I did was say shit confidently and keep push/pulling.
I'd have my arms around them, then one of them would say something a TINY bit mean or something that should have shook my frame, then I'd just playfully bust their balls about it, take my arms out from them, go find another set, then come back 20 minutes later, ask if they missed me, then hold hands with both of them or whatever.
The next night I showed up much like last time, except now no one was at the table -- there was just a group of like five white kids and a group of five black kids, sitting separately. I walked in and talked to the white kids (naturally) for a minute, then I was said loudly, "What the fuck is this? This is 2009, not 1830." and walked over to the group of black kids (three guys two girls) and sat down in between all of them and introduced myself as Dallas.
They were all laughing at my audacity, and I just kept smiling and making conversation. Eventually I asked if they like Hip-Hop, which they all did, and I was like, "alright, drop a beat!" They were like, "what, you flow?" to which I replied, "of course I flow."
I'm a closet freestyle rap battler, and it just happened that the dude I was sitting next to rapped too. He challenged me to a battle, the dude across from me pounded a beat out, and I battled that dude. This instantly made me the SHIT and the two black girls fell in love with me. I don't remember exactly what I rapped, but it was something like,
This rappin' just comes so easily to me
16 and white, but I'm a wonder like Stevie
Compare me to Jordan when he was scorin'
I'll wipe fake rappers out like New Orleans
Fake rappers known to wreck a rhyme so simple
My weapon of choice? Scrap paper and pencil
I think quick when I'm grippin' the ink tip
And I stay steady writing fire like our chaperone's pink slip
Find a white boy with better flow
Homie if you're a rapper I'm an artist like Picasso
Part of this was pre-written, but whatever, it served its purpose. He replied with a shitty verse about how he wears Nike 6.0s and I wear dirty vans or whatever, but in true 8-Mile style, I won by the deafening noise of my cheers. The guy making the beats concluded, "Winner is.. Malibu's Most Wanted!"
All of the black kids who had acted with animosity towards me before were now high fiving me and saying that I can't be Dallas anymore, and that by the end of the night I'd have a nickname. I think I ended up being "D-Dogg" or something.
Not only was I the hit with the black kids, but all the girls who were listening instantly became attracted to me as well. Seriously guys, rap battling is good shit -- if you have to, pre-write some good stuff (you can steal mine I don't care) and see if you can pull it off sometime.
After I bounced from the rap kids, a group of two HBs approached me, and was like, "Hey, what kind of toothbrush do you have?" I was like, "What the fuck?" to which they were like, "Are you the guy from Wal-Mart?"
THE TWO GIRLS I APPROACHED FOR FUN IN WAL-MART WERE ON THE CRUISE! Holy shit, I was pretty blown away. I ran game on them for a while and decided to isolate one of them -- I won't confuse you with names-- by saying we should go get ice cream. I ended up getting ice cream with her, k-closing with the simple "do you want to kiss me," then coming back to the club to game other girls.
I found Devin and Tori again and kept doing my thing. However, towards the end of the night, tragedy occurred. Devin and I had apparently been talking for like five minutes (Devin, I decided, was the hotter of the two and I wanted her) without even acknowledging Tori, and she'd gotten jealous. When we asked her if she wanted to come with us to get Mexican buffet she acted cold and said we should without her.
I'm kind of a peacemaker, so I sent Devin to go and meet me there while I consoled Tori. She wouldn't budge and told me to go find Devin, so I said fuck it, give me a hug, and I left. While waiting for an elevator I saw Tori going back to her room with tears in her eyes. Woops. At that point I decided I was done with drama, and having already K-closed one girl I just went to bed.
The next night was also our last, and the whole day I hadn't seen Devin or Tori around the boat, so I just said fuck it and moved around sets, owning the place. It's worth noting that my little cousin Mio had given me a candy necklace.
I don't know if this is a Blues exclusive or anything, but this candy necklace was fucking unfair -- I had girls EATING THE CANDY OFF OF MY NECK, and it was only too simple to go from that to a make-out. I seriously got two small kiss-closes from this alone that night.
To illustrate how much I owned the club at that point, my cousins were also in the club, and this one guy Michael ASKED MY PERMISSION to ask my cousin Jessica so dance. I felt like a fucking Mafia boss.
Anyways, I debated whether or not I should even bother with Devin and Tori, then as always, I just said "fuck it" and found them. I told them that "we needed to talk," pulled them both from the club, held hands and took them to sit down on the stairs. I told them that I loved them both, and I was sorry that I'd ignored Tori. They said they'd already worked it out between them.
Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get shit from EITHER of them unless I had someone to handle Tori, I took them both in my arms and told them we were going to find my bro Brett. As we walked I used one of my favorite lines -- "you make GREAT arm candy." After finding Brett, I gave him the low-down, and since I'd already been warming Tori up for two days straight it was pretty easy to pass her off. She knew Devin already had me.
Brett handled Tori like a champ, and I ended up making out with Devin for most of the night.
I know this was a super long post, but it was just as much for recollection purposes as it was for your entertainment (assuming you have the attention span for it). I realized it was getting long so I probably rushed it towards the end. I got a total of four k-closes on the cruise, which is pretty successful, but I guess I wish I could have gone farther with Devin. I should have gotten Brett's help earlier rather than try and game Devin and Tori at once.
Pictures
Giving Devin a piggyback ride.
Me, Jared, Devin, Tori
Kisses!
It was seriously like 4 o'clock in the morning
"You two make GREAT arm candy."
What I said probably wasn't that funny.
Sex appeal.
Shit you can use next time you go out
*Wear a candy necklace, get girls to eat the candy off your neck. Easy transition to k-close.
*When you're walking to another location or isolating, compliment your target on what great arm candy she is. Tell her she'll make an awesome trophy wife one day.
*When pinky-promising, when your pinkies are linked kiss your fist, she'll copy you and it makes for a good bit. You can repeat this "pinky promise" again later and instead seal it with a real kiss.
*With a smile and a love-giving frame, everything is possible.
-Blues
