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31 years old, almost got her, what do you think?
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Author:  PaulFr [ Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:  31 years old, almost got her, what do you think?
Morning.

Last Saturday night. Private party. I have a couple of beers. I'm good! Then I met this 31 girl (I'm 23), 7/10, we have couple of fun laughs the first 2 minutes about french culture (I'm french). As a neighbor in the building, she didn't know many people in the party. During 1 hour, I'm moving around from friends to friends and sometimes find her and we have a fun laugh, I neg her smoothly, she gives me really strong IOI (kiss on the cheek several times). After 2 hours, she disappears from the party, I guess she went back to her place, 2 level upstairs.

I go there, knock on the door, she laughs and then open the door. I'm like "I was looking for you, there is really good friends downstairs I want you to meet!". She's like "I'm tired sorry, but come-in" (she has her own flat, living alone). So I come in!

We chat for 3 minutes then I just go straight to her and kiss her. She kisses me back and we do that during 2 or 3 minutes, then she says "You're really cute, I'm flattered. But I can't have sex with you, you're 23, I'm 31, I think you're just looking for a girl to bang tonight". So I step back and start to get angry saying something like "what the *** are you saying, you don't know me, 2hours ago you never saw me before, how can you judge people so fast!!!", then she's like "oh sorry, didn't want to make you angry, come here...". So we continue to kiss for 5 minutes and she says again "I'm really sorry but I can't have sex with you, I'm dating this 36 guy, this is too fast". So we agreed that we'll catch up this week for a chat around a bottle of wine. I take her number and I leave.

I called her yesterday afternoon for a party for Bastille day the evening. She says OK. The evening, she never showed up but she called and she said "sorry, I'm home" so I ask her if she's free Thursday, and she says maybe more next week, then ok, then bye (and she didn't have this optimistic voice).

What do you guys think ? For the kitchen scene ? And especially her reaction after, and how to convince her to meet up (in fact, she was quite a lot of fun, would be nice to see her again).

Paul
Author:  Ezo [ Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, generally a good FR... But, NEVER EVER!!!!! Get angry for her not wanting to have sex with you. That could be true, or a shit test or just mean, not yet.

If a girl would say that to me I would be more like:
Ezo: Ok, no worries mate, not a problem, now I dont have the pressure to perform.

It is not important, it is just sex. If you get angry you have closed all doors and burned all bridges. On the other hand, if you just act like it doesnt mean anything she may well want to after a few minutes despite what she said before. Women do not stick to what they say, more to what they feel at the moment.

If you cannot go further with your kino escalation, take one step back, wash and repeat. Act as if nothing happened.

Never be too eager or see sex as something that important.
Author:  TheJ [ Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
I agree with Ezo about not getting angry. That is key.

I think I might of gone with either

" Awww that's cute, you want to have sex with me"

or the Mystery's famous

" I understand" and keep on advancing.

Hot / cold and freezeouts might get you there too.
Author:  Ash121 [ Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Salut mon ami :) Ok put yourself in her shoes and what her image is of you. This is obviously the hard part that cos if we knew what they think, it'd be all so much easier :D

Basically she's thinking he's 23 and just wants a shag, so despite liking you you're just another horny fella in his early 20s. She could have her pick of any one of these guys!

What you clearly need to do is spend some time with her again so that you can DHV to distinguish yourself from every other guy.

Perhaps suggest meeting up daytime somewhere where it's low pressure (perhaps even with friends) with a time-constraint thrown in. The time-constraint could be that you're picking up your sister / or female relative up from the airport as you don't want them coming home late at night (conveniently displaying that you're the protector of loved ones "Mystery Method").

These are just suggestions. I'm certainly not a PUA (yet :wink: ). It's all about how you deliver and execute all this. Also always remember Body Language at all times!

Good luck mate. Let us know how it goes!
Author:  luminova [ Wed Jul 15, 2009 11:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
i agree - a freeze-out would have been good for that situation. (that's when you start doing something else and ignore her; she will miss your attention and try to get more from you)

getting angry just blew it - you were toast the moment you did that. basically that is failing the shit test she gave you. you have to be nonchalant and roll off and be cool, and then escalate again.
Author:  phantomxrider [ Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:47 am ]
Post subject: 
i wouldnt go with something like "now i dont have the pessure to perform," although you were on the right track, whoever suggested that. maybe instead of insinuating you wanted sex, say something like: "i understand, its cool. i wasnt looking for it, to be honest." then hit her with a huge freeze out.

as for the BF, that was def a shit test, 90% sure. she waited too long to mention it, as well as received your kiss (and instigated some of her own). but i wouldnt persue anything further with her,since she stood you up and doesnt sound too optimistic about another time.
Author:  Ezo [ Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
"now i dont have the pessure to perform," although you were on the right track, whoever suggested that
Man... That is a freezeout. With a bit of humour in it. It takes the edge off things and keeps the vibe despite being rejected... Ive done this before. Trust me.

Ezo
Author:  eskwire [ Sat Jul 18, 2009 1:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Ezo is right.

"Now I don't have the pressure to perform" is funny and honest and it deflects the girls chilling statement that she does not want to have sex with you. The statement also leaves open the possibility of having sex later that night. And really, everyone wants to have sex, right?

By saying "I understand, it's cool. I wasn't looking for it to be honest" you are actually being dishonest, because you are looking for sex, right? So if you do get what you want and have sex with her that night she will know that you made a misleading statement.
Author:  phantomxrider [ Sat Jul 18, 2009 5:56 am ]
Post subject: 
hm, yeah, my bad lol. ill just shut up xD
Author:  PaulFr [ Sun Jul 19, 2009 1:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for your answers guys.

About the part when I became angry, I did it to get her back on track, I explain :
I didn't get angry because she didn't want to have sex, I put myself in an angry mode (light, I wasn't screaming ^^) because she said that I'm just a young guy who's looking to bang someone tonight. So I stepped back and I said, in an angry way, "hey easy there, you don't know me, 2 hours earlier you never saw me before, how can you judge people like that, so stop saying shit" (something like that).
And then, the effect I was waiting for immediately happened : she was feeling bad to have said that and she was then "oh sorry, come here".
I have the impression now that I should have just take more times at her place and do, as you guys said, some freeze, step back...etc. But I just quickly left.

Anyway I called her 3 days later the afternoon to offer to go to Bastille Day with me in a cool bar. I gave a time constraint (have to leave around 10) and she was quite happy about the plan. She called me 20 minutes after the time we was supposed to meet (around 7.30pm), she was at her place and sorry for not coming. I guess it's a move from her saying "I'm not easy". When I asked her when she called, she said she wasn't available this whole week, so I said "ok let me know next week" and then bye.

What do you guys think? Is it dead? Or I should try to see her next week, and if yes, How?
Author:  luminova [ Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:53 am ]
Post subject:  next week...
i think her saying next week is a shit test. there's busy and there's "busy." it is possible that she's genuinely busy the rest of the week, but it is more likely that she's doing what girls do, saying she's "busy." then you call later, and she's "busy" again and this continues until you tear your hair out in frustration and storm away. girls do this all the time.
***note: I am assuming that it's sometime early on in the week. if the "whole week" refers to 2 days or something, then that may not be so bad***
i'm not definitively sure how to solve this problem. my best guess would be calling her 1-2 more times and building more attraction and comfort, and then inviting her out again.
Author:  seb1989 [ Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:10 am ]
Post subject: 
i would say: Yeah, i'll do you in every hole you've got being plain direct. But with a fuckin laugh at your face...

What the heck you got to lose, maybe she wanted to have sex with you, but because you got angry she lost interest..... And I think this one is dead, I think you should move on to the next girl and dont think it is a big deal, i have experienced this situatiion also and from my experience it is dead....
Author:  PaulFr [ Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah no pressure. There is plenty of fish in the sea right?

By the way, if any of you guys are in San Francisco, would love to meet up ;)

Thanks again for all the answers.

Cheers

Paul
Author:  Dmader [ Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Age is nothing!!!!

I'm 25 and currently having a very very good sexual relationship with a 37 year old.

Shes a easy Hb8 killer body fake boobs that are perfect.

I met her at my friends wedding three weeks ago. DAnced with her ect.. she pulled the stuff thing at the end of the night while we were making out in her car. saying she wasn't sure how she felt about the age. I said hey thats cool no biggie call me if you change your mind and left.


She called me her way home and asked me to come over the next night, been having "movie nights" with her every other day or so and I have to say its the most fun sex I've had in a while. Shes real open and I think we've done it on every piece of furniture in her place in every position.


you can never lose your cool and get upset, shows to much interest and scares them.


When she started kissing you again it was probably cuz she was threatend/scared and did that to calm you down in fear of your possible getting too upset and being violent.
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