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| Infatuated big time - just need to get this out of my system https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=46932 |
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| Author: | Slowburner [ Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Infatuated big time - just need to get this out of my system |
Ok guys. Here's the story I go to this games club in Geneva every other Friday eveining. Yeah it's geeky but who gives a fuck it's socializing, it's fun (my ex wife hated games!) and they do have some nice looking girls there. During the games evening I'm playing with (wishful thinking that it went physical) a group which includes a geeky but good looking girl. I start to mirror her body language deliberately. She was wearing a low top and was getting quite red, flustered and touches of her hair etc. I'm feeling a bit alienated as everyone is speaking French and I understand very little. She realises I am feeling a little left out so in a break we get chatting (she can speak good English). We continue to play until the end and we go to leave. At the exit I start chatting to her again and ask her if she wants to meet up again in the near future. I live away from Geneva and as she was aware of that I carefully say that we should meet up when I'm in the city. I didn't want to look desperate! It just happened to be the next day. We exchange email adds first and I ask her for her number as she might not be online etc etc. She had no problem providing it. It looked like she wrote the number wrong so I asked her to clarify. I thought she might be giving me wrong info deliberately. I couldn't check the email there and then. We spoke a little and kind of arranged to meet the following day ( I wish I had made more specific and clear arrangements that night ) I'm ok and feeling good as I got an email and number close and fairly certain I had a meeting arranged. In the morning I wake up and I feel as nervous as shit. Really on edge. Almost tingling everywhere. I realise that I need to arrange a specific meeting place and time. So I start an email to her. I'm quite friendly with an older woman online (it's likely to be friends only at best, there's quite a distance and I've revealed far too much about myself to be anything else ) and I quickly chat with her to ask for advice. She advised me to send a text to her mobile saying I would be in Geneva and can she meet at 7pm. So I abandoned the email and sent this text. About 15 minutes later I got a confirmation and with that I set up a the place. We did a few txts back and forth and we confirmed arrangements. I'm a bit relieved and I'm feeling like a teenager again. Fast forward to 7pm and I am slightly late and she is there waiting looking far better than in this games club. Less geeky and a lot more attractive. We head toward a nearby bar and I notice she has a ring on her ring finger. Shit I thought she's engaged, or married. I think again, so what she's agreed to meet me on a Saturday night , maybe the marriage is fucked or she has a poor boyfriend or it's just a ring. We go to this bar and sit outside having a drink. The seating was sort of 2-3 person seats each side of a smallish low coffee table. I didn't feel comfortable sitting side by side with her (possible mistake on my part?) and I sat opposite her. We had a drink and chatted for a while. Well she did most of the chatting. She spoke about herself and job etc. She had recently become unemployed and so the conversation started to head down. I tried to pick it up with talk about holidays which helped quite a bit. After an hour I realised that she has asked me very little about me. great as when I talk I reveal too much which either puts girls off or I end up in the friends zone very quickly. In terms of seating it was bad as I was too far away to get in any touching. We move on from the bar and go to get something to eat in a restaurant nearby. I suggest a nearby Japanese restaurant but she has other ideas. We walk around a bit trying to find a Sushi bar that she knows but we couldn't. We end up going to the original restaurant I suggested. (I think I should have just put my authority on the restaurant decision at the start) We order food and more drink and the conversation turns more towards relationships. I find out a lot about her, as she doesn't really stop talking! I find out she's divorced living on her own on the outskirts of Geneva. Unfortunately the conversation goes down and she seems to be still hooked on her husband.(Should I bashed the ex?) She said that when she first divorced her ex and her used to be friends. Now she said the ex doesn't talk to her anymore. I tried to reassure her and related a similar story of my own.At this point I realise we have a tremendous amount of things in common, similar approach to work, relationships and overall attitude to life. I try to change the subject away from the darker areas of life but struggle to say the least. I try to get in some touches to her hands across the table. No luck. Even though she was laughing a lot there was an SPAM of sadness about her. During her talking it was obvious she had a big thing about friendship. I think there is little to no chemistry and it will be friendship at most. Just I am thinking that she started to say that she was from Belgium and wanted to go home as she doesn't have any friends here! At this point I'm still mesmerized by her, even though things are negative we have a lot of empathy. I just wanted to grab her hands and tell her she had me. Yes I was that infatuated! I didn't and tried to steer the conversation to good stuff again. I mentioned that I was invited to a social do the following weekend and would she like to come with me. I got some sort of excuse. We're near the end of the meal and I still want to establish a good connection and the conversation was faltering, so ask if she wants to do the cube. I get blanked and say I'll guess her star sign. She brightens up a bit and tells me I have 3 guesses (Shit, i think I should have then asked what I would get if I guessed correctly ) She nips to the toilet and tells me to think. She comes back and my first guess is Aries , not correct. I sit and think for a bit looking at her and guess Libra correctly. It's about 1 in 6 chance of guessing correctly in 2 goes. She was a bit impressed and asked me how I worked that out. (I think I should have kept quiet at this bit) I tell her and we pay up and leave the restaurant. It's now about 3 hours since first meeting. We head back to go home, we pass another restaurant a Mexican and said the food smelt nice and we should go there next time.We walk a bit more. She mentions she is at home on her own and that I should get going before I miss my train. ( A real weird contradiction imho) I'm a bit confused to say the least. She then started to ask what I wanted. I couldn't detect any interest from her that we would be bf/gf and as she was big on friendship I basically said we could be good friends and that we both need to expand our social circles. I gave her a quick hug and a kiss on both cheeks goodbye. I tell her we need to arrange to meet again in the coming week. Earlier during the evening she mentioned liking tennis. Not my thing and I wasn't prepared to lie. But I knew a lady who was looking for a tennis partner. So I said I'll find out if they could pair up. I get home and I'm feeling drained and felt like shit. This girl was even rejecting me as a friend yet clearly stating she was lonely and wanted friends! I chat with this online friend for advice again as I don't know where I stand with this girl. I was told to text her about this lady interested in tennis and a vague lets meet again type thing. I did that and no reply. Since then I've got this tennis ladys contact details and I have forwarded them to this girl I'm besotted with and not mentioned meeting again. I feel stupid and crap, hopefully this infatuation will burn itself out quick. I shared it as there maybe lessons in all this |
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| Author: | Clozer [ Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hey Slowburner, Nice long post there with lots of details. Let me tell you what I am impressed about: --When the conversation turned dark or negative you kept it positive --When she said she feels alone you were temped to say "But you have me!", but you restrained. That was a good thing. Had you said that you would have come off as desperate. Now, here's where I think you need to improve. And I noticed this in your last post as well with the one about the Brazilian girl: --You need to SEXUALIZE the date. This means you need to touch the girl and take it out of the friends zone as fast as possible. Go to a park first, sit on the park bench next to each other and fluff talk for 5 minutes, but no longer than 10. Then say, "Look, I know there was something between us the other night. That's why I wanted to see you again. Let's break this nervous tension between us so that we can enjoy the rest of the evening together, okay? Close your eyes..." Then you kiss her. And no matter what you do for the rest of the date you keep the kino going. Don't over do it, but keep doing it enough to hardwire her brain to make that connection with you. I like to make first dates (or day 2's) as casual and short as possible (unless I'm planning to f close). In the case that I am not trying to f close I call it "build-up". Make an excuse as to why you can only meet for 30 or 40 minutes. You kiss close within the first 10 minutes, kiss her again at about the 25th minute and then you look at your watch and say you have to go and you kiss her again with each make out session getting a little longer but you always pulling away first. I guarantee if you do this you will get a text from her after your date and you'll be on your way to an f close. |
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| Author: | Slowburner [ Mon Jun 15, 2009 6:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hi Clozer, thanks for your reply and the kind words. I did quite a lot of stuff right. And some stuff wrong. The length was far too long and maybe i should have just cut it after the first bar. I'm just so confused over the blatant friends bit yet I haven't heard from her since. I sent 1 text to say I'd contact this lady re tennis and suggest another meeting, and 1 email with the lady's contact details. Is she waiting for me to just arrange another meeting? Tomorrow I will ask a couple of girls I know their opinion on this and how I should proceed. Part of me wants to just call this girl and get some sort of close, a blatant rejection, anything! It's driving me crazy. Another part wants to wait and see what pans out. She maybe testing my friendliness and if I push it will break that. I wonder if she will go to this games club next time? Weirdly I don't see us being bf/gf (it would be nice) but friends. So this time I want to be in the friends zone! Maybe she's an all or nothing girl. I mess up the BF bit and the talk of friends etc is just meaningless. I have another girl to see Thursday (see the post about identifying a tattoo) so hopefully I can use the lessons learnt and have a better result. I definitely cannot have a long date as I have something else arranged about an hour later |
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| Author: | Slowburner [ Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Just writing to give an update on this. It was really gnawing at me so I decided to text this girl and ask her for a drink again later that day. I got a text back within a minute saying she didn't have time that week! She's unemployed so got plenty of time! Well that's the clearest rejection I'd get from her. Knowing I've been rejected I call her bluff and I text her back asking about the weekend and told her to make time. No I'm not expecting a reply! |
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| Author: | Slowburner [ Thu Jun 18, 2009 8:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hi guys I thought this was over with this girl I met on Saturday. However yesterday I got this email from her. This after my email suggesting a female tennis partner for her and my 2nd text , on Tuesday telling her make time at the weekend to see me. "Hi *******, Thanks for the email. I will contact the lady as soon as I can. I won't be in Geneva the next w-e but we can try to meet next week. Have a nice day. A******" It seems partially open but also the word "try" is pissing me off. You either do or you don't do things. However during our meeting Saturday she was pretty hopeless at making decisions. So maybe she is expecting me to take the initiative. My gut instinct is telling me to try and arrange another meeting and that she is genuinely wary or indecisive and that she is NOT politely rejecting me. If I don't try anything it's over regardless so I guess I must do that |
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