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Where do you draw the line with friends?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=194682		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Clocks [ Sat Jan 16, 2016 4:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Where do you draw the line with friends?
How much do you put up with from friends before you cut them off? Recently I've felt I've been too forgiving of people's lack of effort/respect towards me.

Today, I had arranged to meet 2 friends. One asked to push the time back by 30 mins a few hours before it was due to start - fine with me. Once I arrived (on time) she sent a message saying 'Running late 8) '. No apology, just that message - after we were already due to meet. The other girl was running late as well and without a message to let me know. Now, the girl who said she was running late is ALWAYS late by like 30-60 minutes at least. She also cancelled something else we had planned in a few weeks because she was going to see her boyfriend instead (with no apology). Who the hell cancels with friends because they've had another offer? I turned down a better offer myself, out of respect for the friends I had already arranged to see. Anyway, I messaged both girls and said if they're not here in 10 mins (about 25 mins after we arranged to meet) I'm going home. One girl called me (not the repeat offender) to say she thought I was being unfair, and that her 2 young kids that she was bringing caused her to be late and that she tried to let me know but her phone failed her. She's normally good with time and she had good reasons but I was pissed off with the other girl so I came across as annoyed with her on the phone and told her I wasn't going to meet with them. I later called that girl and apologised saying it's the other girl I'm annoyed at. But the other girl, I'm removed from my phone and facebook because I'm sick of her lateness, her cancelling for something else and most of all her not apologising. No fucking manners.

Short version: Friend consistently late without apology, cancelled plans to make new ones without apology. I got rid of her.

2 years ago a guy I worked with was one of my best friends, we were really on the same page with a lot of things. The guy used to be social but since he got with his girlfriend, he's turned into a true recluse, playing video games with her every night and never going out. This wasn't a problem when I worked there, since I still saw him at work, but since I stopped working there, I tried for months to get him out for a drink but he would always cancel with an excuse due to his girlfriend. He was content for us to chat over email/facebook but meeting was such a hassle to arrange. A mutual friend of ours is a hot girl with a very busy social schedule and we went out for some drinks no problem. The guy has a fraction of her busy social life so that's how I know the only reason he doesn't go out is laziness. Anyway, I realised my good friend was reduced to a pen pal and him not making a genuine effort to meet with me had me fed up so I removed all contact with him.

Short version: previously good friend never made effort to come and see me, so I got rid of him.

Question:
How harsh is too harsh? Recently I really feel like just getting rid of people who don't show me respect.

Pros: don't deal with people who don't show you respect
Cons: lose friends

Does this work for you guys or do you find a bit of tolerance / leeway / patience is a better approach? I'm not talking about with girls you want to fuck but in general
Author:  Style981 [ Sat Jan 16, 2016 4:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where do you draw the line with friends?
3 times flaking (max) is more than enough. At this point, it's better to cut them off, or atleast that's what I do.

Yes it has CONS: You lose friends. But one thing I've learned from game is that these "friends" who don't respect your time and don't respect you enough to cancel plans without any compensation, you don't need these kind of friends anyways. It's not being harsh, it's about having boundaries and values. Respect yourself first if you want others to respect you. A friendship (or relation) without boundaries/values is based on neediness = Not Alpha.
Author:  Clocks [ Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where do you draw the line with friends?
Quote:
3 times flaking (max) is more than enough. At this point, it's better to cut them off, or atleast that's what I do.

Yes it has CONS: You lose friends. But one thing I've learned from game is that these "friends" who don't respect your time and don't respect you enough to cancel plans without any compensation, you don't need these kind of friends anyways. It's not being harsh, it's about having boundaries and values. Respect yourself first if you want others to respect you. A friendship (or relation) without boundaries/values is based on neediness = Not Alpha.
Yeah that's what I was thinking. High standards, boundaries and values.

Cheers
Author:  Finished [ Sun Jan 17, 2016 1:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where do you draw the line with friends?
Image
Author:  neo87 [ Mon Jan 25, 2016 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where do you draw the line with friends?
Ever talked to them about this?
Author:  Stoliar [ Tue Jan 26, 2016 1:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where do you draw the line with friends?
I second neo. Sometimes people just don't realize they're having the wrong behavior (that actually happens a lot). Talk to them calmly, and either they'll say they're sorry and will make effort to change, or they'll go "that's just the way I am, deal with it" to which you can reply "I don't hang out with people who behave that way, so ciao bello."
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