From Tinder introduction to first coffee date:
Hey guys, I would really appreciate all comments, positive or constructive, about where this effort could be improved or what was good already.
This is an attractive girl who's taller than me and she's 24. I'm 25. Just to set the context.
My Profile Read like this:
If you're fun, sassy and genuine swipe right. If you're boring, fake or sexually repressed then I wouldn't bother wasting your time!
My basic mindset for this was to display greater value relative to her using subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints and also by not laughing once.
She opened me with:
Her: Haha is 'sassy' an essential quality you look for in a woman?
Me: You'll have better chance with no arms and legs than you will without sass, that's for sure!
Her: Haha, an interesting criteria...
Me: Yep, and one of many. So what 'unconventional' criteria do you look for in a guy? I bet there must be something weird you're into!
Her: Hairy? That usually throws people...
Her: I feel there's something really random that I'm into that I'm forgetting haha...
Her: Haha what's the rest of your criteria then?
Me: Hairy all over? The Zoo must be a confusing place for you then...
Her: Haha I love animals, never made this connection before however...
Her: I think I need to reassess my life...
Her: You've got a hairy chest, could be a keeper
Me: Do you like cuddling up and running your fingers through the hair?
Her: Yeah, when I'm not pulling it...
Her: Haha we're not talking about the zoo now right?
Me: Well I'm not...
Me: I'm starting to think I really hit something there now
Me: FYI, when it comes to hair pulling, I give as good as I get!
Her: Hot, works for me
Her: So you never told me, what else was on your list?
Me: All the usual suspects I guess, like, easy going, nice eyes, willingness to do my ironing, nice smile, intelligence. All the usuals...
Her: Haha do you cook, or does she have to do that too?
Me: She can do. It all depends on how much she wants to win my affection!
Her: Haha charming
***Left it for about 24 hours before replying***
Me: I need a woman's opinion [girls name]
Her: On what?
Me: I'm trying to get this girl who's quite cute to cook me a curry pizza that meets my standards, but she's being a bit shy at getting back to me. Do you think maybe she's just not aware of what a great opportunity it is to win some points with a great guy?
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This whole pizza curry gambit was actually sent to her by mistake. It was intended for another woman who I had been previously trying to get to cook me some food. I just readjusted and went along with it anyway
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Her: I think the problem is the curry pizza, that's just odd, maybe she thinks it represents the type of man he is :p
Me: What, creative and innovative?
Her: I'm just saying it's up for misinterpretation...I'm sure she'll go for that spin on it though, try it
Me: It's too late. She already blew it!
Her: Haha maybe she's a bit old fashioned too in that she needs to be wooed? Before she commits to ironing your tiny whiteys
Me: The guy wooing the girl? That is such a cliche. I think a keen lady of real standing should be mighty keen to deal with my tighty whiteys!
Her: Haha, good luck with that
Me: So, hypothetically, how would you woo me given the opportunity?
Her: I think it's safe to say I could never live up to your high standards. I'm easily pleased, pint and a takeaway, couldn't be on with this cooking mullarky
Me: Yeah, and what TV/Music would you have in the background whilst we're talking? 'Cause it's all about the ambiance!!
Me: FYI, this is usually the deal breaker so whatever you do, don't say Meeting up with the Kardashians!!
Her: I'm entertaining enough on my own
Me: I must say, you're saying all the right things!!
Her: And yet you still haven't asked me out?
Me: The guy asking the girl out is SO cliche. I think it would make a bold statement if you asked me out!
Her: Ah, but that might give you the impression that I'm dying to sit around ironing and cooking for you...
Me: I can't believe you're STILL resisting the urge to look after me. I'm starting to think you don't want me in your life? But then I think, na, that can't be true!
Her: It's that hairy chest, that's what I can't resist!
Me: So go on then. Say the words that every guy longs to hear!
Her: My boobs are a 32F
Me: Tut, I think you're mistaking me for one of those guys!
Her: Hahaha! Prefers sass to big boobs...noted
Her: So are you talking me out sometime or what?
Me: I might let you take me out for coffee his weekend!
Her: Well I can see we're not going to agree on this...How about I treat myself to a hot chocolate, you buy yourself whatever and we share a table? Fully booked at the weekend though I'm afraid, working, no rest for the wicked...
Me: That suits me 'cause I'm busy myself. I'll meet you during the week, either on my break or after work. We can go for a coffee and a quick chat so I can check you're not a secret weirdo, then we'll take it from there!
Her: Haha what if I'm openly weird?
Me: Well as long as you get through this first coffee encounter, with minimal supervision from myself, you're in with a fighting chance!
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End of conversation up till now.
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