I've got to make a decision. And no one can make the decision for me. But perhaps you could illustrate a little to me what happens when I choose either way or give me good advice.
Here's the story:
September 07
There is a girl (she's 18, I'm 19)who studies with me and she had a boyfriend. After the lectures she once came home to me, when she still had her boyfriend. We watched a movie, it was dark, and after the movie ended the tension was really immense. But she didn't want to betray her bf. I wasn't sure if she was into me, but I thought it's possible. So the next day I asked her "Please tell me, that you're not into me and you would never make out with me". She replied "Hehe, okay I'm not into you and I would never make out with you
". I guess at this point I was really into her, but after she said this I started to forget about her. I didn't know about PUA then.December 07
So after two weeks or so she ended the relationship with her bf. We saw us at a party and she kissed 2 other guys. I didn't bother anymore because I already thought that she didn't have emotions for me and I neither had emotions for her at this point in time. No PUA yet.
Last week
I know PUA know for a month and tried out various things, had some success. So when I went to a party with her, we danced together and then started kissing. Then we went home to her, about 5o'clock in the morning, undressed each other and made out. I asked her why she was so shy and wouldn't let herself go. After have an hour of guessing or so it turned out that she is a virgin (don't ask why, I know that she had a bf, it's not important for the story). I expected a one night stand. But of course a virgin wants a solid relationship to have sex the first time. She asked me "You don't see this as a one night stand, do you?" I answered "Uhm, how do you mean this?"...
Then she explained everything. She told me that she fell in love with me when she had her bf but she couldn't do anything because she didn't want to betray him. She wrote a letter to me which should have explained everything, but didn't send it to me. She thought that I AM NOT INTO HER, because the "please tell me that you're not into me" thing. She wasn't ready for a new relationship so short after making an end with her bf. I don't understand why she had to kiss those guys at this party, but this doesn't matter all to much.
I explained her my point of view and told her that I am not looking for a girlfriend. That seemed to hit her hard. She went cold the moment I told her this. I tried to keep the stronger frame
I freezed her out when she wouldn't react and so. So after I pretended to sleep a little, I told her that I wanted to leave. She laughed like crazy when she looked up the schedule of the train and came near to me again and we kissed again. I don't know what this laughing was for. Some weird part of female psychology. We made out another 2 hours then I left.Yesterday she came to me, almost same story again, we had the discussion of relationships again. So I told her that we could make a "test phase". I mean, I was really into her, her character really fits mine but I just don't love her at the moment. After we spent the whole day together I felt that I wouldn't fall in love with her and I told her so... Perhaps I would have before PUA, before I had this sick idea of mltrs and before I had shut my feelings for her down to protect my self. I was so mad at me that I ditched her, when I went out with my buddies that evening, I always thought "she would have been sooo right for me". The points that I didn't feel attracted to her were somehow so ridiculous. First of all, I wasn't really turned on when we were almost totally naked in bed. It sounds so barbaric, but I'm gonna tell you that I really thought: I thought her breasts are too small... and the nipples to big :-/ omg I'm such an asshole... I also guessed that she wasn't shaved but I think I could tell her that I want her to, can't I? So the only thing that I'm not into her now are physical viewpoints! I've never met a girl that fits my character so good!
So she writes me an sms yesterday night "I hope you're feeling better now". I answer "No, I'm not sure anymore that I don't want you". And so we're again in this stupid test phase.
Now I don't know what to do. We will not see each other for a bit. So I have a little time to think.
The question is, what are my options? The one that I see are going thru this test phase and afterwards telling her whether I fell in love with her or not. But how am I supposed to fall in love with her when she won't let herself go because she fears getting rejected in the end. When I don't take her I can continue my PUA life... When I take her, I have a relationship which can be really beautiful. Are chances that I fall in love with her high? Are chances that it would be a really good relationship high? How important are her boobs really
I always considered tits as extremely important, is that retarded...?I hope you kind of get my situation and can give me aaany advice, especially advice of experienced PUA's with many ex gf's would be appreciated
Anyway, I guess this post was way to long and no one's gonna read it...