Hey Artists,
I am not really use ta writing in field reports but I do find them a useful way of remembering how the dates went.
So without further ado, I present my field report:
First some background - We met last November and have been each other weekly. On our last date before she went on her Xmas hols, I started kino with her. She didn't seem to mind but I was confused as she didn't kino back. So I escalated my kino very slightly but she just behaved as though what I did was natural.
When the date was over - I escorted her to the train station and with my arms around her discussed our next date but wheb I turned AFC and went in for the kiss, she gave me the LJBF speech and my heart sank. I qualified her dating status and she confirmed she was single.
Totally gutted, I mentally decided it was time to bail, and released my arms from around her. Almost as a response and to tell me not to give she adds - just for now!
Fast forward to January,
The date was organised and my mind is in chaos deciding my best approach but decide to play it by ear. When I turn up and see her standing there, I thought to myself this is BAD - she's come with male friends thus I'm for definite in the Friends Zone
. Imagine my surprise when they decide to depart within 5 minutes of meeting me, so game back on
. Normally, we head to a bar/club but I decide to head somewhere more relaxed. I order some drinks and we find a spot to sit down but the seating arrangings don't make for good kino
. However, decide to make the most of it. Initally, the conversation though flowing is heading downards:Her: She starts talking about some her problems
Me:(Thinking this is not good. If I become her shoulder to cry on- I have turned myself into a male version of her female friends so I resist my urge to be her Mr.fixer and listen sympathetically (sp))
Me:(Deciding to switch the conversation to more fun matters) So, how was your Christmas?
Her: Telling what she did with her family
Me: Great! What did you do for fun?
Her: Pardon! Not quite hearing me
This allows me to move in closer for kino
and I ask againMe: ( Gawd! I have become Mr. Question, Question, Question
.Not good, time to talk about me.) Cuteous - JugglerMe: I spent it with my family, tell her abit about my family.
Cuteous - Juggler.
It was at this stage that something happened and I realised that I was out of the LJBF zone, I was very sutly escalating the kino when I suddenly found that she had sandwiched my hand
. This, slightly, confused my mental frame but I simply continued talking, and escalating.Her: I thought there was poverity all over Africa?
Me: (Showing my intelligent side and with a big smile) I explain that it worse in some areas than others. I draw a map and indicate the places with worst levels of poverity.
Her: (Connecting with me) My sister has travelled round Africa. She also explains that in parts of Spain (she's Spanish), there's a certain amount of poverity.
We head outside for a smoke and suggest we head to another venue. She asks if we could stay that it's different. (Extra Brownie points for me
)We mess around and she offers to pay for us to go bowling at the same complex. We mess around bowling, teasing and ecouraging each other and more kino.
As I walk her to the station, she wants to know when we'll go out again but my mind is more focussed on finding where I really stand since I'm going to be busy for a couple of weeks. Remembering JM method, I initate the following conversation:
Me:(turning to her and holding her arms) You know that I like you alot
Her: I know but things are not striaght forward
Me:I don't understand
Her: Explaining that over the holidays she spoke with her Ex. and for now she wants us to continue as friends.
Me: It's hard for me to be JUST a friend because of my feelings
Her: I understand - Do you not want to be my friend?
Normally, that would be my cue to exist AFC style- however
Me: I want to your friend AND More
(Cuteous NLP and reframing her question)
Her: It's difficult for me. You are here and He is in Spain and next month, I will spaek to him next month and talk to him but you and me,well let's see how it goes.
As I leave her to catch her train, someting makes me look back in her direction and she's standing on the stairs blowing kisses at me
which I laughingly return before disappearing ib my direction.Overall, I sad that the date went well.
I was successful in making our conversations lighter and fun, and dare I even educational. My kino level was good as I kept it sutle in order to make she was comfortable. Clearly, I am out of the Friend Zone but not yet home.
Areas for improvement:
Greater variety of topics of conversation
Learn to handle boyfriend problems
Feedback and questions welcome