Field report # 3
Location: __________'s bar, San Francisco, CA
Date: November 29th, 2007, PM
Target: Multiple targets HBs 7 through 9
Outcome: Okay opening, okay routines with a few fluffed lines, no close
This was my first designated sarging session. The objective here was to go to a bar with the intention of sarging, open at least one set, and see how it goes.
Went to ___________'s bar with _____ after work, since I've noticed that Thursday night seems to attract an after-work crowd conducive to sarging (a handful of girls, but not so crowded or loud that you can't get moving or hear yourself think).
I'm sitting at the bar waiting for my mate to show up, get talking to this guy about the boxing on TV while I get a G&T in the hope that it loosens up my tongue and relaxes me. HB6 stands beside me and orders 2 Stella.
Me (wrestling out of the guy's semi-interesting conversation about boxing): "Is it reassuringly expensive?"
HB6 (confused): "I don't know, is it?"
Me: "Well that's what the ads say."
HB6: "Oh"
Me: "They only advertise it in the movies, maybe you haven't seen it"
HB6 (smiling): "I guess I don't watch many movies"
Me: "Yeah, maybe you don't watch enough of them"
HB6 takes drinks to friends (a 4 or 5 set) and withdraws to back of the bar. I take note of where she goes. Friend shows up, he gets a drink, we discuss where to sit. I recommend the bar since girls tend to come to it, he recommends a table. We move to the back of the bar, he recommends a table, and I recommend the high table right beside HB6 and her set (now grown to 6 with 2 fellas in the mix). We sit at my table.
Set grows more, I overhear that the guys just entered the scene and make their introductions. They might be PUAs since they seem to be holding the girls' attention. I let them work away, there are plenty of girls in the set and I'm sure they're not going anywhere any time soon. Friend's female roomate shows up and we chat for another half hour or more. I constantly monitor the situation at the table next door by way of occasional glances out of the corner of my eye, but spend most of the time with my back to them. I do get caught looking over once by HB6 but I think I covered it up. Only one guy in the set now, and I think he's in an LTR with one of them.
There is so much talking going on at that table that I find it very hard to find a way in without interrupting something. I think of HB6 as my ticket into that set, I seem to be waiting for HB6 and her neighbour to get into a bored state so I can pounce. Finally get my opportunity another 1/2 hour later when HB6 comes back from the bar with more Stellas.
Me: "How's that Stella working out for you, still reassuringly expensive?"
HB6: "yeah yadda yadda yadda"
Me (here comes the routine): "Tell you what, just while you're here, I assume you and these girls are all together?"
HB6 (confused): "Yeah"
Me: "Mind if I conduct an experiment?"
HB6 (intrigued): "Okay"
Me: "What's your name?"
HB6: "HB6"
Me: "And what's her name?"
HB6: "HB6b"
Me: (looking around the set for a friend who isn't talking, shoot! the girl I was looking at is flat out talking to the guy now): "Ohhh, er, HB6b seems busy" (quick turn to the other side of HB6, I'm panicking a little here, have to interrupt a lower key conversation between HB8 and HB8Glasses) "Wanna take part in an experiment?"
HB8: "An experiment?"
Me: "Yeah, what's your name?"
HB8: "HB8"
Me (HB6 scowling a little, but finally I can get the routine started, so I clear my head and try to focus): "Okay, imagine I'm going to split $10 between you guys. HB6 gets to choose how to split the money. HB8 can accept or reject HB6's offer." Little fluff of the lines here and have to clarify - "Oh, and if HB8 accepts the offer, you both keep the money. If HB8 rejects the offer, neither of you get anything. Clear?"
HB6 & HB8: "Okay"
Me: "So, HB...what's your name again?" (thinks 'fcuk! Concentrate dammit!')
HB6: "HB6"
Me: "So, HB6, how would you split the money?"
HB6 (thinks for a second): "7-3"
Me: "HB8, would you accept the offer?"
HB8: "Yeah, I'd accept 3, why not?"
Me (rounding off routine and preparing to go improv): "Okay, now what if she offered $1 and kept $9 to herself?"
HB8: "I'd still accept. Hell why not? A dollar's a dollar!"
Me (Routine over, now on improv mode): "Wow. That's the first time anyone's said that. Most people would reject the offer because they think it's unfair. " [Here comes a mini routine] "You two must be pretty close. Are you old friends, or roomates, or lovers, or coworkers or something?"
HB8 (laughs): "Oh yeah, we're lovers" (they both laugh and hug and kiss on each other's cheeks)
HB8 then gets onto the subject of how one time she found $50 in the street and what she and her friends did with it, bringing HB8Glasses back into the conversation (she was left out in all of this). I had some more material still to go in the $10 Split routine but I ditch it now and go with the flow. I relate a story about what happened one time in Mallorca 10 years ago when a friend found some money on the ground and kept it to himself... [brace yourselves guys, major fuck-up coming here] "And he wasn't my friend for much longer after that. That was typical of his attitude, he was less of a wing man and more of a cock blocker" [thinks 'FCUK FCUK FCUK did I just say that?' Girls expressions all go negative, HB6 leaves, I try to salvage it]
Me (new routine locked and loaded): "So where are you guys from?"
HB8Glasses: "somewhere" [can't remember]
HB8: "LA"
Me: "Ah, I though so, you have an accent"
HB8 (laughing): "Really?"
Me: "No, that's a little joke. I've only been able to identify one distinct Californian accent, and that's the valley girl? Where everything is, like, a question?" [Launch into valley girl impersonation routinelet. Usually gets a good laugh, this time it gets a chuckle, and I can feel my voice wavering here from the nerves]
HB8 carries on talking about accents and how they spread around, HB8Glasses comes back in. Subject goes back to a subject of their own (but they're not totally freezing me out here, body language is still open)
Me: "So what's all this about then, you work at what?"
HB8Glasses: "I sling oysters"
Conversation proceeds well from here, I ask questions about oysters since I've never had them. HB8Glasses quips that my palette is unrefined and I get a little defensive but bring in the fact that I once didn't like the concept of sushi but went to a female friend's birthday (female friend as a DHV, I hope) and became a believer. I ask what it's like.
HB8: "Let me put it this way. Do you like eating pussy?"
Me (a little taken aback): "Well, you could say I do"
HB8: "It's kinda like that" [an IOI if ever there was? her eyes were playful here]
Me [fuck-up coming]: "Well, there's pussy and there's pussy. I mean, it's not very nice if it's just been to the bathroom. I made that mistake once!"
HB8 and HB8Glasses expressions both go negative, silence descends, there's a small bit of chit-chat and then:
HB8: "we need to get some more drinks"
HB8Glasses: "Yeah yeah, we do" (as if to say "great way to get out of this")
I leave them to it and they retire to the bar, from whence they don't come back. I return immediately to my own group.
1/2 hour later, on the way out I go to close up my tab, sitting behind HB8 who is still at the bar talking to another HB8 from the set. Chat quite a bit with HB9 barmaid, apparently we have a handful of mutual friends. Touch HB8's elbow and thank her for talking, say "sorry for the little Seinfeld moment," shake hands, chat a little bit more about that restaurant where her friend works and say I must check it out. I don't go for a number or email close. Outside, HB6 and HB8Glasses are smoking (not my type) but I shake hands, say goodnight, and promise to check out her restaurant.
Remarks: The fuck-ups in there are fairly obvious, but I still achieved what I set out to achieve. That set was very big, very active, and I still got in there and was able to run a few routines after thinking I'd never find a way in. BTW I concocted those routines myself. The $10 split one was based on something I just heard on National Public Radio the previous night. I find NPR a great source of inspiration for many things. I recommend that UK-based PUAs start tuning into BBC Radio 4 where you'll get intelligent talk of the same calibre.
What to do different in future: No alcohol. I'd hope it would help me relax, but instead it only caused me to lose concentration when I needed it most, fluff my lines, forget the girl's name (a major faux pas), and lose the run of myself in improv mode. The remark about the pussy and the bathroom would have played well in England (where I lived for 8 years and I know they have a bizarre brand of toilet-based humor) but it doesn't play so well stateside. No more references to negative experiences with ex-friends or any drama no matter how long ago, and definitely NO PUA JARGON in front of the ladies. Jeez!
I'd say I would have been in better shape for some sort of close with HB8 if I'd done a better job on the routines, but in view of the fuck-ups I didn't feel like I deserved a number so I made a sharp exit at the end and just rounded it off enough with goodbyes to make as clean a departure as I could.
The areas of improvement are fairly obvious, but I'm pleased with myself for putting in the work and getting through the opening. My objective for the night was met, but this stuff is clearly not as easy as it sounds and I can tell it's going to take a lot of practice.
Question: What do you do when the girls in a set are having a really animated conversation with each other and they're very into it? It doesn't seem right to go in there and interrupt. Did I do the right thing by waiting for a lull or should I have just charged in there on my own schedule and laid down the law about what we were going to be talking about?
Any other feedback appreciated.
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