PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

17 Year Old Trying to Rebuild His Life
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=98951		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  eNtrovert [ Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:03 am ]
Post subject:  17 Year Old Trying to Rebuild His Life
Hey guys. Let me start this off by telling a little bit about myself. I am 17, in high school, and getting over a 3 year relationship. This girl and I were on and off for 3 years in high school but in the last year we were stable and everything seemed good.

I always thought of myself as more of an introverted person. I played video games, I love computers, and I am constantly analyzing and thinking about everything. She, however, was very extroverted. She was pretty and friendly and enjoyed talking to anyone. I dealt with some jealousy issues after realizing it was just who she was. But we were happy for the past year or so.

Then, she went on vacation for a week and came back. We got into a stupid fight and we broke up. But, unlike the other times, we didn't talk to each other. The two times we had broken up before, we kept talking and never really let go.

But this time, she completely dropped me. She wasn't upset, she wasn't regretful, she didn't care. And that killed me inside. I started to regret it, and was depressed for days.

Now, I've been trying to reinvent myself so that I can move on to another stage in my life. I have completely stopped playing video games, I am going to the gym more, I find myself to be more motivated, and am trying to be more extroverted. I completely changed my hairstyle, and got completely new clothes.

However, I'm struggling with a couple things.

Sometimes I get intense thoughts of missing her. I think about all of the happy things that I don't get to experience anymore.

School starts again soon, and my school is very small, and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with seeing her again.

I still feel pain when I think about how I miss her and she doesn't seem to be missing me.

I can't help but think that she is enjoying life and meeting guys and I'm not.

On that note, I have been trying to meet girls with my friends and we have started plenty of conversations on the boardwalk, but nothing else. I know it's too much to ask, but I want to be the guy that every girl just wants after having a conversation with them.

I have been lurking on these forums for a long time and have read The Game, etc.

If anyone could give me any advice, tips, or anything, that would be awesome. If not, I'm just happy I could share my story.

Thanks guys.
Author:  lmpulse [ Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:18 am ]
Post subject: 
First of all, sorry to hear about your breakup dude, i have had a rough breakup myself and it's hard. Especially when she's the extrovert person in the relationship, i don't think she didn't care though. I don't know about your fight, but when time passes, she'll probably think back on the good times and misses you.

If i can give you a piece of advice to feel less bad, when you think about these good times, don't think of it like: I miss that, i want that with her again.
What i started to live by is: Don't cry that it's over, be happy it happened.
Try to remember your time with this girl as a great time, be thankful for your memories and move on.

What i did after my breakup is a lot like you did, i read the game, started reading internet posts and forums, started working on my inner game, my looks. My whole style changed and i started just talking to random people, not just girls, but also the old man in the tobacco store or the granny in the supermarket. It made me more confident talking to strangers, but made me realize it's very easy to charm people. Girls can sense that you're not giving them your full attention, if you are still beating yourself up over your ex, it will influence the way you talk, your body language will be less confident and you'll probably come across too strong or too weak. I don't think you should force this, the talking part requires me to feel good about myself, i'm more spontanious and energetic and girls will sense that you're feeling good.

My personal advice would be to start things easy, you are obviously still getting over this girls. Just give yourself some time to deal with that, in meanwhile, try talking to stranger or girls just as friends. You'll start to feel that people actually like you and it makes it easier for you to get over this relationship. When you are feeling more confident, the moment just comes that you can make your move again. You'll feel it, like instinct. Or at least that's what happened for me, but i'd give it some more time to get past this phase.

Good luck bro, i hope this helped maybe a little :)

Cheers!
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Tue Aug 16, 2011 10:01 am ]
Post subject: 
I agree 100% with Impulse. Don't regret that it's over, be happy that it happened. Exactly how I thought about my break-up. Also I have really good friends and they were there for me. It took me less than a week to "recover". I then thought I didn't miss her anymore but some random, disturbing thoughts about her made it clear that even if I could live my life without focusing on this break-up it still had an effect on me. So after I'd realized this I just laughed. I laughed at how ignorant I was and how badly I wanted to believe I was completely over her and I almost was...After this I WAS over her. So just be patient, and try thinking about something else. Live your life normally and eventually you will be over this. Good luck! :)
Author:  eNtrovert [ Tue Aug 16, 2011 2:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks guys, especially you Impulse.

I just can't get the thought of her being totally cool with the breakup and moving on and going on other dates and stuff out of my head.

I know that I shouldn't focus on her, but my mind naturally does so, and it's really unhealthy.

I need to learn how to be happy with myself, and that's a level of maturity I haven't reached yet I guess.

But I appreciate the responses a lot guys.
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thanks guys, especially you Impulse.

I just can't get the thought of her being totally cool with the breakup and moving on and going on other dates and stuff out of my head.

I know that I shouldn't focus on her, but my mind naturally does so, and it's really unhealthy.

I need to learn how to be happy with myself, and that's a level of maturity I haven't reached yet I guess.

But I appreciate the responses a lot guys.
Don't you underrestimate yourself. She is cool with the breakup and moved on because that's what you should do too, that is the correct, reasonable thing to do. It's not like you were married and you had children and now your whole life just shattered. You two just didn't seem to match enough so now you should continue your search for a better match. I'm sorry if I have to tell you this, but you'll most likely get through several dozens of breakups before you find the girl you will be able to settle with. You said yourself: You have to learn how to be happy with yourself. Saying you're not mature enough for that is nonsense, and any negative thought like this should be obliterated from your mind forever. Please do yourself a favor and don't take life too seriously. It is way too short for that. The time will come anyways when you have to, but until then take your best shot.
Author:  BoxerSpirit [ Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:06 pm ]
Post subject:  good luck to you
hey entrovert, sorry to hear bout your breakup but at the same time respect to you for being a person who actually takes action when he wants to change something.

All I can say is, aswell as the good advice from these guys about being thankful it happened, remember you will have that again. you will have even better memories with an even better girl in the future, and be able to appreciate and enjoy it even more due to what your going through.

look at it this way, your now free to take this pickup stuff seriously and be able to approach and attract who you want. Just keep it up, keep having convo's with girls, get out as much as you can, and you will, sooner or later, find a girl to have even more great memories with
Author:  870 [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I just can't get the thought of her being totally cool with the breakup and moving on and going on other dates and stuff out of my head.
Isn't it amazing how often the way things seem from your perspective are totally at odds with reality? Rest assured, this girl misses you.

The real question is, why should you care?

Your boy,
870
Author:  Don Draper [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 17 Year Old Trying to Rebuild His Life
Quote:
However, I'm struggling with a couple things.

Sometimes I get intense thoughts of missing her. I think about all of the happy things that I don't get to experience anymore.

School starts again soon, and my school is very small, and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with seeing her again.

I still feel pain when I think about how I miss her and she doesn't seem to be missing me.

I can't help but think that she is enjoying life and meeting guys and I'm not.

On that note, I have been trying to meet girls with my friends and we have started plenty of conversations on the boardwalk, but nothing else. I know it's too much to ask, but I want to be the guy that every girl just wants after having a conversation with them.
Well, you had a good time with her and no one can deny that. But, that phase is over now. It's something which doesn't exist anymore. You have to make your peace with the fact that you're never going to get that again. Move on and find an even better time with someone else. It is very possible.

If you see her, don't try to not do anything. Do whatever comes instinctively to you, a wave, a smile.. anything. You don't want to show her that you're making a special effort for her. That feeling that the other person is normal in spite of the relationship going downhill, is humbling.

The third and the fourth lines are assumptions. Don't make them unless you're an excellent judge of someone's character. 870 made a good point, you should heed to that.

As for your last line, I hate to break it to you, but no girl is sold on a guy after "just a conversation", sure she might be attracted to you but unless you're backing yourself up with more solid conversations and actions, you are not going to get anywhere.

Stop feeling bad for yourself and whatever happened. You know what we are saying. Do it. Do it and get out of the funk. It'll shock you how much the relationship and the break up would never have even existed once you're out. Move on from here. There are bigger and better things waiting.
Author:  The Temptation [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Stay positive bro. Time heals everything you'll be good.
Author:  eNtrovert [ Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
I appreciate the responses Don Draper and 870 and everyone else.

I'm taking what you guys are saying into consideration, and I've realized something. I've realized that if we had never broken up, then I never would have changed into the person I am right now. And I'm glad. It's almost like I was trapped, and now I feel much more free to do whatever I want, like changing my hair, my attitude, etc.

I am just inexperienced, after being in a serious relationship for so long I have trouble making moves on girls. But I'm getting there and working on it. I try to go to every social event I can, and look as good as I can too.

I got too attached, and I have recognized that that's unhealthy. I'm trying to break free of that too.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/